


ultra-kind of love

by so_real



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: 20k works of idiot plot followed by 20k words of fluff, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Anxiety, Best Friends, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Idiots in Love, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, MY BRAND, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, POV Alternating, Panic Attacks, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Texting, a bit of, cause i forgot to tag that lmao, no beta we die like men, the jc best friends to lovers no one asked for
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-07-07
Packaged: 2020-06-24 04:01:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 43,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19715827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/so_real/pseuds/so_real
Summary: ' “I like you,” he says.“I think we're gonna be friends,” he says.“Same time tomorrow?” he says. 'Or the one in which Jeonghan and Seungcheol are best friends who have been in love with each other for forever but refuse to acknowledge it, much to the despair of everyone around them and one Hong Jisoo in particular.





	1. I was just an only child of the universe and then I found you

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [ultra-kind of love](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24827407) by [Norath](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Norath/pseuds/Norath)



> Heyy it's me, back with The Big Jeongcheol Fic. This monster child of mine has been in my drafts folder for a year and a half and the way i feel about it is impossible to describe. Writing this has been a wild ride from start to finish and i love and hate it in equal parts. This was inspired by The Last of the Real Ones by Fall Out Boy and was supposed to be a oneshot, 15k words tops, but here we are. I hope you enjoy this monstrosity of a story and maybe comment something to know if it's worth it? 
> 
> As always thanks to Mire and Micka who have been with me through the entire process of writing this and are indispensable for my creative process, love you guys more than anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings:
> 
> There are no panic attacks nor any anxiety mentioned in this chapter, but i will put a little warning in the chapters that do have them 💕

It’s summer and Seungcheol is eight and lonely when Jeonghan moves in next door. The other boys at school don't seem to like him that much, and he never makes the effort to get closer to them or hang out with them during the holidays. He prefers staying home and playing video games on his yard. That's why he almost falls from the bench he's sitting on when a figure blocks his sunlight and asks:

“What are you playing?”

Taking a deep breath to calm his racing heart, Seungcheol looks up to see a boy standing in front of him and looking down at him. He looks like he might be around Seungcheol’s age and also like it's the third time he's asked Seungcheol this question, which could be the case since sometimes he gets so engrossed in playing that he doesn't hear people.

“I'm playing Pokémon,” says Seungcheol weakly. The boy nods and sits beside him, taking a look at the screen of Seungcheol’s old GameBoy.

“Is it fun? I've never played it before,” asks the boy, and Seungcheol wonders if everyone just barges into other people's yards and demands attention like this.

“It's fun,” he says instead. And then he remembers his manners and asks: “Wanna try?”

The boy shakes his head. “Nah, I'm super bad at video games. Can I watch while you play?”

He looks at Seungcheol expectantly and Seungcheol feels very awkward. He's never had anyone watch while he plays. He doesn't even know if he's that good. Maybe this boy will see that and leave, and for some reason Seungcheol doesn't want him to leave. Perhaps because he is the first boy his age to talk to Seungcheol like this in a long time. Perhaps because he looks like someone you can have fun with and Seungcheol really wants a friend. 

“Please?” Adds the boy, and he has big round eyes that remind Seungcheol of a puppy's and before he knows it, Seungcheol is nodding and the boy is clapping his hands like he just received a birthday present.

And so he plays. The other boy is quiet at first, watching attentively as Seungcheol slowly makes his way through the game, asking questions when he doesn't understand what's going on. He progressively gets louder as time passes, though, and soon he's cheering for Seungcheol as he tries to win a gym battle. Seungcheol doesn't actually mind it, in fact, it's quite cool to see someone get so excited over something he's doing. He eventually wins the battle and the boy jumps from the bench and does a little victory dance.

“Yes! You won! You're the best!” He says, and Seungcheol feels his ears heat up at the compliments. The boy notices and smiles brightly at him and Seungcheol suddenly feels the urge to win all the gym battles to get the other boy to smile like that again.

The door to his house opens and both Seungcheol and the boy look up to see Seungcheol’s parents and another couple come out.

“Jeonghan, come here, stop bothering the poor boy!” Calls out the unknown woman. 

“I'm not bothering him, mom, we're playing!” Complains the boy _ (Jeonghan,  _ Seungcheol tells himself), and sits back on the bench with a stubborn look on his face and his arms crossed. He very pointedly ignores his mother and looks back to Seungcheol. “Don't pay attention to them, keep playing.”

Seungcheol looks at him very confusedly before sending a glance to his mother for assistance.  _ Help,  _ his eyes say,  _ I don't know how to handle this boy _ . His mother isn't looking at him, though. Instead, she and his dad are talking with Jeonghan's parents. He looks back at Jeonghan, who is still staring at him. 

“Shouldn't… Shouldn't I go say hi?” Seungcheol asks, almost a whisper.

Jeonghan gives him an affronted look. “Why? They are grown-ups, so they are boring. You only need to know me, cause I'm cool,” he says, and blows his fringe from his face for emphasis. Seungcheol does think that is something a cool kid would do.

“But I don't  _ know _ you, you didn't introduce yourself,” Seungcheol points out.

Jeonghan considers this. “Neither did you.”

If Seungcheol wasn't a polite boy, he would have rolled his eyes. Instead, he just pouts.

“Fine, don't look at me like that,” says Jeonghan. “Hello, I'm Yoon Jeonghan, we just moved in next door and came here to introduce ourselves, which is what I'm doing right now in case you couldn't tell.”

“I could tell,” replies Seungcheol, and he doesn't laugh despite finding Jeonghan's little speech very funny because, again, polite boy. “Hi, Yoon Jeonghan, I'm Choi Seungcheol and I live here, nice to meet you.”

Jeonghan smiles at him in a way that says that he knows what Seungcheol is doing. “Hi, Choi Seungcheol, nice to meet you, too,” he says, and they both break down in giggles.

“Jeonghan!” Calls his mother again. “Come here, we have to go back!”

Jeonghan stops laughing and makes that stubborn face again. “Yes, mom!” He says, but he keeps looking at Seungcheol.

“I like you,” he says.

“I think we're gonna be friends,” he says.

“Same time tomorrow?” he says.

And he walks away like he already knows the answer, like he already knows that Seungcheol is staring dumbfoundedly at his back and nodding even though Jeonghan can't see him. 

* * *

It goes like this all summer: Seungcheol sits on the bench in his yard and plays Pokémon. Eventually, Jeonghan shows up and sits next to him to watch him play. Together they complete all of Seungcheol's Pokémon games and when they run out of video games they just hang out and make up their own games as they get to know each other. Seungcheol finds out Jeonghan is eight, too, that he is two months younger than Seungcheol and that he will be attending Seungcheol's school in August. 

He also learns that Jeonghan is good at sports but lazy when it comes to anything else, that he likes getting in trouble and that he likes taking care of people. He learns that Jeonghan is smart, that he tells the best stories and the best jokes. Jeonghan laughs at Seungcheol's dumb puns and listens to Seungcheol's stories and pushes Seungcheol to talk about himself, to open up and come out of his shell. 

Jeonghan drags Seungcheol to explore the neighborhood with him and suddenly the old streets that Seungcheol has been walking up and down all his life seem full of new possibilities again. They climb trees, they race each other up and down the steep hill three streets from theirs, they discover every crook and turn and when it becomes too hot to be outside, they seek the cool shade underneath the tree in Seungcheol's yard. They lie together side by side and talk about everything and nothing. 

Seungcheol has never been this happy in his whole life. If he had known having a friend would be like this, he would have made the effort sooner. But then again, he thinks as Jeonghan teaches him how to skip stones on the pond in the park, none of the other boys at his school are like Jeonghan. Jeonghan is bright and funny and makes Seungcheol feel like he belongs, not like the boys at school, who look at him weird because he's shy. He doesn't feel shy with Jeonghan, though, he feels like he can be himself and Jeonghan will probably just laugh and tell him how cool Seungcheol is. No, nobody is like Yoon Jeonghan.

But as the end of August nears and school gets closer every day, Seungcheol starts to feel anxious. What if Jeonghan realises just how uncool Seungcheol is at school? He surely won't want to be friends with someone as shy as him. It's different when it's just the two of them, but Seungcheol can't deal with a class full of other children. Jeonghan will notice this and make new friends immediately. Jeonghan  _ is _ cool, he'll make friends with the other kids fast and leave Seungcheol alone again. Seungcheol doesn't want to be alone again, not now that he knows how much fun having a friend can be.

“You're weird today,” says Jeonghan one day as they're lying on the grass underneath the tree. School is starting in a week and Seungcheol has been trying to find ways to convince his mom to let him skip it.

“I'm always weird,” replies Seungcheol, because it's true and because he knows what Jeonghan means and doesn't want to talk about that.

Jeonghan laughs and flops himself face first on top of Seungcheol's stomach. “You're comfy,” he comments against Seungcheol's shirt. “Now tell me what's wrong.”

Seungcheol takes a strand of Jeonghan's hair between his fingers and fidgets with it as he thinks about his answer. Jeonghan hums in approval. “I don't want to go back to school.”

“Why?” asks Jeonghan softly. He has his eyes closed and is using Seungcheol as a pillow and looks so at ease with himself that Seungcheol feels jealous of him for a moment.

“I hate school,” says Seungcheol truthfully. 

Jeonghan doesn't say anything for a while, just stays quiet as Seungcheol plays with his hair. “Are the other kids mean to you?” he asks eventually.

“Not mean, they just don't want to play with me,” Seungcheol is very embarrassed to be saying this out loud, but he can't lie to Jeonghan. 

“They’re dumb, then,” Jeonghan says firmly. “I think you're really cool. I would want to play with you if I were them.”

Seungcheol feels his chest fill with warmth and his cheeks heat up. “I'm not cool at school,” he says.

Jeonghan gets up and gives him his stubborn face. “You're always cool, and if those kids can't see it then it's their problem. In fact, I'd rather they don't see it, this way I keep you to myself,” he says, and smiles brightly.

“You're stupid,” says Seungcheol to hide his embarrassment. He wouldn't mind Jeonghan being his only friend forever. 

“You're stupider,” replies Jeonghan with a huff.

Seungcheol pushes him. “That's not even a word!”

Jeonghan pushes him back, giggling. “It is if I say so!”

“Who said you were the king of the world?” Asks Seungcheol, laughing too.

Jeonghan makes a face like he's very important and says “I did, of course.”

Seungcheol doesn't feel anxious because of school after that, and when the first day comes, he and Jeonghan walk together into class ready to take over the world.

It's the best school year of Seungcheol's life. Jeonghan is always by his side and even though Seungcheol was right and he makes friends with what seems to be every other kid in their school, he always makes sure to include Seungcheol in whatever he's doing.

“You're my best friend, duh,” he'll say as he drags Seungcheol with him to play with the other kids on the playground.

They become friends with a boy in their class called Jisoo, who is sweet and shy like Seungcheol but very funny. Seungcheol wonders why did he never talk to him before because he finds he really likes Jisoo. Jeonghan seems to like him a lot, too, and soon the three of them are close friends.

In fact, Seungcheol is making more and more friends thanks to Jeonghan. He meets Wonwoo, a very quiet and very weird but very cool boy, who is a year below them and also likes video games. Jeonghan then introduces him to Soonyoung, who is probably the loudest person Seungcheol has ever met but makes him laugh until his tummy hurts and gives the best hugs. Soonyoung brings his friend Jihoon along, who says he is not Soonyoung’s friend but only puts up with him because he has nobody else to play with. Seungcheol thinks that's weird but doesn't ask questions and instead watches as Jeonghan coos and calls Jihoon cute until Jihoon hits him and then they are all laughing.

Yes, this is definitely the best school year of Seungcheol's life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i decided to go with the short chapter format and keep them 2-3k words long because it was better for the structure of the story and for my add brain to write them,,, i hope it doesnt get annoying hhhh
> 
> fun fact! this fic was called 'Whatever' the entire time i was writing it, and its not even the worse fic name i have. if youre curious and want to know some other disaster fic names of mine or simply want to talk about anything svt or jc related hmu on tumblr or twitter @thewintersobber im a bit shy but i love interacting w you guys!


	2. You are the sun and I am just the planets spinning around you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [spongebob voice] several years later....

Jeonghan doesn't have a lot of things figured out in life yet. He doesn't know what he wants to be when he grows up, even if his teachers and parents have started to make him choose a specific academic path. He’d like to do something to help others (nursing, perhaps?), but at the same time his heart yearns for something more creative, more _free_. Lately, he’s been sneaking into his dad’s studio and stealing his camera to take shots of stuff he finds worth shooting (flowers, mostly; the tree on Seungcheol’s backyard, the birds resting on the power lines, Seungcheol’s shoes waiting in line at his front door, Seungcheol's focused face as he studies...)

Sometimes, he envies Seungcheol; something he’d never thought would happen. Seungcheol has his life all figured out, has had it since a year ago when he joined the track club. Who would have thought the shy, awkward kid who used to follow Jeonghan around when they were little would turn into a jock. But there Seungcheol is, with his running shoes and track team jacket and new jock friends. Jeonghan wants to hate them for stealing his best friend, but he really can’t, because they are all so _nice_. There’s this kid in particular, Mingyu, who’s taller than Jeonghan’s fridge but two years younger (fucking rude, if Jeonghan is honest) who is the literal human embodiment of a puppy and has decided that he adores Jeonghan, so now he joins the group during lunch and laughs at all of his jokes and tries not to get too bullied by Jihoon. 

Jeonghan can’t complain, really; he _likes_ Mingyu (and everyone in his group of friends does, too), but he hates the way Seungcheol behaves around him or the other track team members. _This isn’t you! You’re dorky and cute and a nerd, not some jock who’s full of himself!_ Jeonghan wants to shake him until he realizes. Because Jeonghan misses when Seungcheol was just his. Seungcheol has always been his protegé and Jeonghan doesn’t like it when people touch his things. He knows it’s irrational and childish to feel possessive over someone, but Jeonghan has always been too selfish to care about this. 

He cares about not being able to watch Seungcheol play games anymore because now he meets up with Wonwoo and Jihoon to play once a week. (It’s not that he doesn’t like Wonwoo and Jihoon, it’s just that they make him feel like he doesn’t belong because he doesn’t understand the games. Jeonghan never cared about the games, it was all about watching Seungcheol be happy and himself for a while.)

He cares about Seungcheol ditching him on Fridays to go have dinner with his jock friends, or when he’s talking to Jeonghan on their way to math class (the only period they share this year) and he completely changes selves when one of his track team mates walks by and high fives him.

It’s like there’s two Seungcheols cohabiting in the same body, and Jeonghan loves one, but despises the other.

Junior year is proving to be the worst year of his life. And to make matters worse, girls. 

Jeonghan isn’t stupid, he’s never been. He sees the way girls look at him, have been looking at him for a while now. It was mostly okay when it was just looks, but lately some of them have been trying to make advances towards him and he hates it. He never knows how to behave, what to say, where to put his hands. Jisoo laughed at him when he voiced his concerns once.

“You’re just green, it happens to all of us. You just have to loosen up,” he’d said, and patted his back.

Jisoo, who was too shy to even say hi to Jeonghan’s mom for an entire two years, telling him to loosen up. Those four years in America did something to him. 

_I’m not green, I just don’t wanna talk to them_ , Jeonghan thinks bitterly. Most girls only want to talk to him because of his looks. Once, a girl asked him if he had ever considered being an idol because he looked like one. Jeonghan felt like running away from the second hand embarrassment the flirting was causing him. 

He’d retold that comment to Seungcheol later, on one of the rare occasions they had been alone together, and Seungcheol had surprised him by saying. “I guess you do look a bit like an idol.”

Jeonghan still doesn’t know why Seungcheol saying it made him blush, but when the girl had said it, he’d felt like disappearing. The way Seungcheol makes him feel when it’s just the two of them alone has nothing to do with the way girls make him feel. Jeonghan had thought it’s the fact that he’s his best friend, but he’s not so sure anymore. It freaked him out to be thinking this about Seungcheol, so he had told him to shut up to try and mask his confusion, but he’d smiled to himself every time he’d remembered it for a week. 

Seungcheol gets his fair share of flirting, too, much to Jeonghan's dismay. Usually, when girls try to talk to Jeonghan, he just makes up an excuse to leave as fast as he can, something that has earned him the reputation of being cold and unaccessible. Seungcheol, on the other hand, is the school's heartthrob. Too polite (and too shy) to turn down anyone, he gives everyone who asks him out a chance, even if he never settles with anyone. It makes Jeonghan see red for some reason, seeing him go out with girl after girl. He doesn't even break their hearts, he’s way too nice for that. Jeonghan wants to choke everyone.

* * *

Jeonghan is studying in the library, hiding from any flirting attempts, when it happens. 

He appears out of nowhere, hair damp from the rain outside, shirt sticking to his chest with sweat, tired smile on his lips, and Jeonghan’s favorite chocolate bar in hand like some sort of high school wet dream.

Jeonghan is having a revelation, he’s not quite sure of _what_ yet, but he’s pretty sure it has everything to do with Seungcheol and nothing to do with the girls who hit on him. _Help_ , he thinks as Seungcheol silently sits beside him and hands him the snack before slumping on the table and resting his head on his arms, _I think I like him._

It makes so much sense. The jealousy, the possessiveness, the weird thoughts he has about him sometimes. Jeonghan’s world is slowly falling apart as he clutches the chocolate for dear life, gaze fixed on his biology textbook to avoid looking at Seungcheol. 

He likes Seungcheol. He has a crush on Seungcheol, his best friend, who is a boy. Is it possible that he likes boys? Well, he has to like boys, because if he likes Seungcheol, and Seungcheol is a boy, but does that mean he _likes boys_? Is this why he can’t talk to girls, why he feels like throwing up every time one of them talks to him? Is this why Seungcheol makes his stomach do the things it does when they are alone? Are those the butterflies everyone talks about? Because they feel more like an earthquake inside him. 

No, that can’t possibly be. That feeling is just Jeonghan being weird. Because Seungcheol is his best friend, it’s normal that he feels differently about him than he does about everyone else right? 

But just as he’s thinking it, he knows he’s wrong, because no one else makes him feel the way Seungcheol does when he smiles at him, or hugs him, or gives him his approval. 

Suddenly, all of his recent interactions with Seungcheol are reshaped in his mind. Of course he likes Seungcheol, how had he been so stupid as not to see it? The way he becomes a blushing mess when Seungcheol compliments him, the way he’s always seeking his attention, that he only does with Seungcheol. 

Jeonghan is fucked. He’s so utterly and impossibly fucked. This isn’t happening to him. Not the liking boys part, that part actually makes sense. Jeonghan has never been interested in girls the way society told him he was supposed to be. He’s always liked boy groups more than he likes girl groups. Really, he should have realized sooner. No, Jeonghan is fucked because he might like boys (and one boy in particular) but Seungcheol doesn’t. God, Seungcheol is straighter than a ruler, Jeonghan should know. Because in addition to suddenly being able to make friends on his own, now Seungcheol is able to talk to girls, something that has been bothering Jeonghan a lot, but for entirely different reasons than the ones he initially thought. 

“What are you studying?” asks Seungcheol's muffled voice. He hasn't raised his head from his arms yet and Jeonghan is very thankful that he can't see his face right now because his brain might go in complete failure if he did.

He tries to keep his voice even as he replies “Bio. Why aren't you training?”

Seungcheol makes a sound and turns his head so that he's facing Jeonghan with his cheek still resting on his arm. He looks so cute with half of his face squished and his pouty lips that Jeonghan wants to smack him with his textbook. 

“It’s raining,” Seungcheol says in a whiny voice. Jeonghan loves this side of him, the one that still behaves as a little kid. He usually only ever does it around Jeonghan and Jisoo, and Jeonghan treasures every second of it. _And now you know why,_ says a voice in the back of his head, one that sounds scarily like Jisoo for some reason. Jeonghan is going mad.

“It got cancelled?” he asks nonchalantly, and really, he's so good at keeping his feelings inside, his drama teacher would be so proud of him.

Seungcheol nods and pouts a little more, which makes him look like a sad puppy. Jeonghan has to resist the urge to coo. _Get. It. Together._ He mentally slaps himself.

“And so you thought you'd come and study a bit?” he asks, teasing. Seungcheol is actually a very good student, but he sometimes forgets to study because of practice. Jeonghan gave up trying to make him schedule his time months ago, even if the disorganization makes him itchy.

Seungcheol shakes his head and stares pointedly at him and Jeonghan does his best not to melt. _Mental note: search how to uninstall feelings later._

“I wanted to see you,” Seungcheol says in a small voice and Jeonghan knows that voice, it's his kicked puppy voice. The one he uses to trick Jeonghan into giving him the last cookie or letting him copy his homework. Paired with a pretty pout, it's Seungcheol's most effective persuasion tactic and Jeonghan is _weak_ to it. “Haven't properly talked to you in ages.”

And, okay, he might have a point. Jeonghan might have been slightly avoiding Seungcheol lately. Not in a very obvious way, at least not that he thinks, but apparently Seungcheol is more perceptive to Jeonghan's half assed replies and cold treatment than he had thought. Jeonghan refuses to feel guilty because, in his opinion, he is within his right to avoid Seungcheol and the confusing things he makes him feel as a totally reasonable coping method. He might even ignore him a little more now that he has realized he has this stupid crush. People do that all the time.

“Earth to Han, are you there?” Seungcheol waves a hand in front of his face and Jeonghan realizes he has spaced out. 

“I am!” he shakes his head to clear his mind. He looks back at Seungcheol, who is now staring at him with a worried expression. “What?”

Seungcheol makes a confused face and looks at him incredulously. “Were you even listening to me?”

Jeonghan was, indeed, listening to him, but he wishes he wasn't. “Yeah?”

Seungcheol looks at him like he's crazy. “What's wrong with you today?”

“Nothing?” he means to say it as a statement, but it comes out as a question instead. Damn his traitorous mouth. “What's wrong with _you_?”

Jeonghan is sure Seungcheol is going to sprain something from how big he has opened his eyes. “ _What?_ ”

Jeonghan throws his hands in the air in a frustrated manner. “ _I don't know!_ You started asking weird questions!”

“ _Excuse me?!_ ”

“Boys, if you don't lower your tone I'm going to have to ask you to leave the library,” comes a voice from behind them. They both jump and turn to see the school's librarian looking disapprovingly at them.

Seungcheol gives her a pretty, gummy smile. “Sorry, ma'am,” he says in his best fake ashamed voice. Jeonghan hates him. How dare he be so good at charming people?! He suddenly feels the urge to leave as fast as he can.

“In fact,” he says as he starts stuffing things in his bag, catching both their attentions. “I was just leaving.”

The librarian nods and goes back to her place behind the front desk. Jeonghan ignores Seungcheol's eyes digging holes into his skull as he finishes packing everything up and starts walking towards the door. He doesn't even have to look back to know Seungcheol will follow him.

“What the fuck, Jeonghan?!” Seungcheol exclaims as soon as they are out of the library, Jeonghan making a beeline for his locker to retrieve the umbrella he keeps there. He doesn't dignify Seungcheol's outburst with a reply, which makes the other boy fume. 

Jeonghan is closing his locker when Seungcheol finally catches up with him, eyebrows furrowed in confusion and eyes hard. He grabs Jeonghan's wrist, accurately predicting Jeonghan's plan to flee out the door as soon as he got his umbrella. Jeonghan should have expected him to read his mind, it's what he always does anyway.

Seungcheol's voice is full of hurt when he asks “Why are you running away from me?”

“I'm not running away from you,” Jeonghan shoots back. He looks away from Seungcheol to try to maintain his composure.

“Really?” Seungcheol asks sarcastically, and okay, he's learned that from Jeonghan. Serves him right. “'Cause it sure as hell looks like you are.”

Jeonghan feels anger grow inside of him for some reason and tries very hard to keep it down. The last thing he needs is a scene in the middle of the hall. He kind of hates Seungcheol now for making him so emotional.

“Well, I'm not!” he might be failing at keeping his emotions inside. Wonderful. 

Luckily for him (or not), he's not the only one. Seungcheol has always been an open book to him, and the amount of hurt he sees in his eyes when Jeonghan screams at him makes something in Jeonghan break. He immediately regrets shouting.

“Cheol, I'm-” he starts, but Seungcheol cuts him with a movement of his head.

“No, Hannie, it's okay, you don't want to talk to me, I get it,” he says, letting go of Jeonghan's wrist. He sounds so defeated that Jeonghan can't help but feel like an asshole. He tries reaching for him, but Seungcheol pushes his hand away. Jeonghan cradles it against his chest as if he's been burned.

“It's not that!” when has his voice turned this weak? Since when is he unable to communicate with Seungcheol?

Seungcheol looks at him, hurt written all over his face. “Then what is it, Jeonghan?”

Jeonghan shakes his head. He can't possibly explain to Seungcheol what's happening, not without uncovering his crush that he has only realized a few minutes ago. 

“I can't tell you,” he says, and almost flinches at the way Seungcheol's shoulders slump. 

“I thought so,” Seungcheol says softly. Jeonghan wants to hug him, to touch him in some way, but he knows he isn't allowed right now. Seungcheol takes a deep breath and looks away. “I'll go, then.”

He turns away. Jeonghan can't find the strength to ask him to stay and watches as his figure disappears after the corner. He falls against the locker and thumps his head back against it. Hard. He's an idiot.

* * *

He receives a text from Jisoo later that day, when he's home and pretending he's not looking at the window across from his instead of studying.

 **Shua:** what have you done

**Hannie:** what are you talking about

**Shua:** you know what im talking about

 **Shua:** seungcheol is moping and listening to fob ofc youve done smth

**Hannie:** it might shock you but not every time he decides to be an emo bitch is my fault

 **Hannie:** what level of fob are we talking about

**Shua:** hes on his fourth listen of ive got a dark alley

**Hannie:** fuck

 **Hannie:** okay ill fix him

 **Hannie:** are u there?

**Shua:** i am but i gotta leave in like ten

 **Shua:** hes all yours from then ;)

**Hannie:** wtf is that supposed to mean

 **Hannie:** shua

 **Hannie:** hong jiSOO

 **Hannie:** ANSWER YOU COWARD WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

Jeonghan throws his phone on the bed with a frustrated groan, cursing his best friend in his head. He shoots the window across from his a death glare, hoping it somehow reaches Jisoo, before letting his head fall on his desk. Damn Fall Out Boy. Damn Jisoo for introducing them to Fall Out Boy in the first place. Damn Seungcheol's emo ass. Damn Jeonghan's inability to not get involved when it comes to said emo ass. 

Deeming his studying useless for the night, he goes over to the window, opens it and climbs on it so that he's sitting on the ledge. Perched there, he waits for the door to Seungcheol's house to open and watches as Jisoo says his goodbyes politely to Seungcheol's mother before walking down the street. Jeonghan starts moving then.

He drops silently to the roof of their back porch and from there he slides down to the yard. He jumps the fence that separates his yard from Seungcheol's and climbs up the tree he so loves. It's second nature, sneaking out of home and climbing to Seungcheol's window, something he's done all his life. 

Even with his slipper-clad feet, he easily reaches the sturdy branch just outside Seungcheol's window and stays hidden behind the leaves for a moment, looking inside. Seungcheol is lying on his bed, limbs sprawled everywhere, face hidden in a pillow. Jeonghan can't hear the music, but he knows it's there. He curses silently. Stupid dramatic fool.

Seungcheol doesn't hear the first tap on his window, so he throws caution to the wind and knocks harder. Seungcheol lifts his head at this and the confused face he makes has Jeonghan stifling a giggle. He smiles guiltily and waves his hand, silently asking to be let in. Seungcheol pouts all the way from his bed to his window and Jeonghan knows he's staring, but he doesn't care.

“Hi,” he says as soon as Seungcheol opens the window, letting the music wash over him.

Seungcheol looks at him with big, earnest eyes. “What are you doing here?”

“Jisoo is a meddling little shit,” Jeonghan grumbles as he lets himself in, hiding a smile as Seungcheol reaches out to help him fall inside the room. 

“Did he text you?” Seungcheol sounds offended. Jeonghan can relate.

“That he did,” he says as he straightens his clothes. Now that he is inside, the music is so loud it threatens to give him a headache. He turns back to Seungcheol, who is looking at him like he's some weird species of animal. Jeonghan awkwardly smiles at him again. “Uh, I don't know what to say,” he scratches his nape. 

Seungcheol makes a face and wraps his arms around himself. This is bad. The music keeps drilling Jeonghan's guilt in his head.

“There's nothing to say,” Seungcheol looks away. Jeonghan sometimes forgets just how small Seungcheol manages to look when he's sad. 

Jeonghan knows how this is going to go. They both are too stubborn and too proud to own up to their problems. They'll talk in circles around the matter without never truly addressing it, because that's how they always deal with everything. For some reason he doesn't want this to end like it always does.

Pushing his hair back, he chooses to address the elephant in the room. “There is, Seungcheol.”

Standing up feels too much suddenly, so he drops to Seungcheol's bed and rests his elbows on his knees, hiding his face in his hands for a moment. When he looks up, Seungcheol has moved closer, and is now hovering in front of him, looking like he wants to sit beside him, but doesn't dare to. Jeonghan scoots back on the bed so that his back is against the wall and pats the space beside him. Seungcheol quickly scrambles to sit there. Jeonghan hides his smile in his sleeve.

Being this close, the urge to touch Seungcheol is almost unbearable. He has showered, his hair looks soft and fluffy, and he smells of something fresh, and Jeonghan wants nothing more than to reach out, card his fingers through his hair, bury his face in his neck. It scares him to death.

Seungcheol looks at him with big, vulnerable eyes, and Jeonghan wants to scream. “Are you mad at me?” he asks softly.

Jeonghan gives him a sad smile, resting his head on the wall and turning his body so that he is completely facing Seungcheol. He itches to touch his face, so he busies his hands with fiddling with the hem of his sweater. “I could never be mad at you,” he replies, sincerely.

Seungcheol's mouth opens in silent surprise before his whole face scrunches up in confusion. It's so amusing, watching his emotions cross his face unrestrained. Jeonghan never gets tired of watching his expressions.

“Then why were you avoiding me?” 

And just like that the bomb is dropped. The big question. _There's no going back now_ , he tells himself. He decided to face the issue, he's going to have to deal with whatever it brings.

“I…” he doesn't know where to start. Seungcheol has mimicked him and is now totally angled towards him, his broad chest looking way too inviting. Jeonghan needs to focus. “I'm sorry that I avoided you, I was confused and wasn't thinking.”

Seungcheol nods along his words, frown never leaving his face. Jeonghan wants to kiss it away. “It's okay. But _why_?”

 _Because I think I'm in love with you_ , realizes Jeonghan. Today has been an eventful day. But he can't possibly say that to Seungcheol, so he chooses his next words very carefully.

“I like somebody,” he almost whispers, looking away. He feels his cheeks heat up and curses his traitorous blood vessels. 

He hears Seungcheol take a sharp breath and then a _giggle_. Jeonghan's head snaps back to look at Seungcheol, who is smiling dumbly at him. “What's with the face?” he asks, fearing the worst.

The worst comes in the form of Seungcheol poking his side and teasing “Yoon Jeonghan liking someone? What have my ears heard!? Is this really the same Yoon Jeonghan who flees whenever a girl speaks to him? Who has finally managed to crack you open? Do I know her? Wait, is it that girl from your bio class, the one who's really cute, what was her name? Nayeon?”

Jeonghan's horror grows by the second at Seungcheol's words. “Nayoung, and no, it's not her. It's… it's not a _her_.”

Seungcheol's smile falters and gets a confused twist. “What do you mean?”

Jeonghan sighs and looks to the side again. He's really doing it. He's coming out to his best friend-slash-crush. He's probably stupid, but he can't keep anything from Seungcheol.

“I… it's a _him_ , Cheol. I have a crush on a boy,” the words that leave his mouth are barely a whisper, but he knows Seungcheol has heard.

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” he says, not meeting Seungcheol's eyes. “This is where you tell me I'm a freak.”

“ _What_?” Seungcheol's voice cracks a bit and Jeonghan wants to hide somewhere. “I would never say that.”

Jeonghan can't quite name what he's feeling. On the one hand, he's relieved that Seungcheol isn't disgusted by Jeonghan's confession. On the other, this only makes things more difficult. He risks a look at Seungcheol and regrets it immediately. He's wearing the most earnest expression Jeonghan has ever seen and it makes him want to crawl out of his own skin.

“Is this why you were ignoring me? You thought I wouldn't, like, accept it or something?” Jeonghan hates Seungcheol's voice for being so soothing and making him want to spill everything.

Unable to find his voice, he nods, biting his bottom lip. Seungcheol shakes his head furiously, hair flying everywhere. It's extremely endearing how similar to a puppy he is sometimes.

“Han, you're my best friend, you know that, right?” Seungcheol says, looking for Jeonghan's eyes with his. When they finally make eye contact, he gives him the most beautiful smile, the smile that makes Jeonghan's heart do a little somersault in his chest. “I couldn't care less who you like, you hear me? As long as you're happy, nothing else matters.”

Jeonghan's eyes widen and he covers his mouth with his hands because this is _too much_. Seungcheol has always known exactly what to say to comfort him and today is no exception. He nods dumbly, unable to make a sound and Seungcheol chuckles. He pushes away from the wall and opens his arms in invitation.

“Hug?” he asks lightly, smile never leaving his lips, and it's so sincere, so beautiful, so _Seungcheol_ , that it's all Jeonghan can do to lean forward and let Seungcheol wrap him in a hug that feels like the first breath of fresh air he has taken in months. 

He lets himself be held for as long as Seungcheol will allow it, arms trapped in between their bodies and face squished against Seungcheol's shoulder, breathing in the fresh smell of his body wash. Jeonghan knows he's creepy, but he can't control himself, not when Seungcheol's arms feel so _right_ around him.

When they eventually part, Jeonghan finds his voice again. “Thank you,” he murmures, this time looking Seungcheol straight in the eye, because he wants Seungcheol to know how much this means to him. 

Seungcheol's smile is bright enough to power an entire city. “Don't mention it.”

They stay silent for a while, both just enjoying each other's presence after weeks of tension. Jeonghan is counting the moles on Seungcheol's face when Seungcheol speaks up again.

“Hey, want to stay over tonight? We can make a blanket fort like when we were little and I think my mom bought some strawberries the other day,” he says, and Jeonghan knows he's doing this to make him feel better, but his eyes are so hopeful only a heartless person could say no to him.

“Okay,” he smiles.

“Great! I'll go tell my mom you're staying for dinner,” Seungcheol quickly gets up and runs downstairs.

Jeonghan falls back against the wall, not quite believing what just happened. He registers now that the music has stopped at some point and is laying in utter silence with his thoughts. 

He's in love with Seungcheol. He's in love with his best friend. It should be ironic but it somehow feels so right. Even if Seungcheol will never love him back. Even if he can never have him. Jeonghan is probably a masochist to be thinking this, but he's glad he has fallen for his straight best friend. Because Seungcheol is so easy to love, Jeonghan realizes with a jolt. Loving Seungcheol comes naturally to him. He's been loving him all his life, he just didn't notice until now. He sighs, letting the realization wash over him, accepting it, making it part of who he is. 

He is Yoon Jeonghan and he loves Choi Seungcheol.

“You should have heard my mom when I told her you were here,” Seungcheol's voice precedes him as he walks through the door carrying what looks like three thousand blankets and pillows. “ _Did he climb that tree again? He's going to get hurt one day!_ ” he makes an awful impersonation of his mom's voice as he drops everything on the floor.

Jeonghan looks at him fondly. The words are out of his mouth before he knows it. “I missed you.”

Seungcheol looks up from the heap of blankets and smiles sweetly at him. “I missed you too.” They look at each other for a moment, but it could easily have been an eternity. “Now help me with this, would you?”

Jeonghan laughs and throws a pillow at him. “How dare you ask me to move in any way?” he asks in fake annoyance.

Seungcheol's laugh could possibly make flowers bloom. “God, you're impossible.”

Jeonghan lies on the bed and throws an arm over his eyes dramatically. “So I've been told.”

In the end, Seungcheol ends up making the blanket fort as Jeonghan gives him useless instructions. They have dinner with Seungcheol's parents and it's pleasant and comfortable. They watch movies until midnight and fall asleep next to each other and if in the morning Jeonghan wakes up first just to find Seungcheol curled up against him, and throws an arm around him to bring him closer, well, nobody needs to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and so, the plot thickens,,,,, hehet


	3. I know this whole damn city thinks it needs you but not as much as I do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings:
> 
> minor panic attack in this one! it's very light and it's not even acknowledged as so in the story but it is there

“ _ We couldn't reach the number you were trying to call, please-” _

Seungcheol groans and throws his phone on the bed beside him, draping a sweaty arm over his eyes. This is the third time he's tried calling Jeonghan to no avail today, and he's starting to go out of his mind. 

The electric fan pointed at him does next to nothing to alleviate the late July heat as he lies on his back in the dark. It's the summer before senior year and Jeonghan is gone.

“I won't be here this summer,” he'd said, the last week of school, as they wasted their afternoon on the park instead of going home.

Seungcheol had looked at him where he sat on one of the swings. “What do you mean you won't be here?”

Jeonghan had pushed his foot against the floor, gently sending his swing back and then forth. “We're going to visit my grandparents, we'll be there all summer.”

“But you can't leave,” Seungcheol had told him, following his movement with his eyes. “It's  _ summer _ .”

Summers are theirs. It is when they get to exist without the obligations of school. When they can just be by themselves without anyone else bothering them. Summer is  _ Seungcheol and Jeonghan _ in their purest form. Jeonghan knows that. He can't leave. It's against some kind of comic laws or something. The Universe dictates they have to be together during summer. And yet, not even two days after school had ended, he was gone.

“I probably won't have good reception, so I'll send you a postcard or something, yeah?” he'd said as he hugged Seungcheol tight on the driveway of his house.

“Don't forget about me, okay?” Seungcheol had said softly against his skinny shoulder. He felt it shake as Jeonghan laughed, heard his laugh close to his ear.

“As if I could,” Jeonghan gave him one last squeeze before letting go. “Take care, and don't  _ you _ forget about  _ me _ , you hear me?”

Seungcheol smiled at him and nodded, and watched him as he got into the car, and watched the car drive down the street and around the corner, taking his best friend with it.

His mother came to hug him from behind, resting her chin on his shoulder. “He'll be back in no time, don't worry.”

“You say that, but I don't actually believe it,” he said, still looking in the direction the car had gone. He felt his mother's lips against his cheek, a soft kiss.

“You'll be okay,” she said before going back inside the house.

“I don't actually believe that either,” he said, but there was no one to hear it.

* * *

Summer without Jeonghan is hell. 

Seungcheol feels disoriented the entire first week he's gone. Only now he realizes just how much he relies on Jeonghan for planning stuff. It's always Jeonghan who wants to do things: go to the pool, go people-watching on the city center, have a picnic by the river bank so he can take pictures of the trees with his new camera… 

Without Jeonghan and his whims to steer him around, Seungcheol is lost.

He allows himself one week to wallow in self-pity before he decides that he can't let Jeonghan's absence take control of his entire summer. Jeonghan is probably out there, having fun, not missing Seungcheol, and Seungcheol owes it to him to do the same.

So he comes up with a routine. He wakes up early in the mornings, goes for a run, showers, has breakfast, helps preparing lunch, and then lies idly in the dark for a few hours, listening to the playlists Jisoo sends him from LA, and trying to convince himself that he's not a loser who misses his best friend.

He meets up with Jihoon and Wonwoo a couple of times, drowns his sorrows in endless rounds of Fifa, but the other two have other things to do, unlike Seungcheol, whose entire existence revolves around pretending he has a life without Jeonghan.

Maybe if he had a girlfriend, he could take her out on dates. To the movies, to the arcade, to swim… But when he pictures himself doing those, it's always Jeonghan with him; because those are the things they do, the things he doesn't feel like doing with anyone else.

And this is how his summer unfolds, painstakingly slowly, up until his birthday, the first one Jeonghan misses since that first summer they met. Seungcheol doesn't care for turning seventeen if Jeonghan isn't here to celebrate it with him, to smear cake icing on his cheeks the way he always does, to steal the strawberries from Seungcheol's plate when he isn't looking. 

Seungcheol's seventeenth birthday wish is for Jeonghan to be there with him.

He receives a small package, a few days after his birthday, and his heart feels like it's about to burst from his chest when he sees Jeonghan's handwriting on it. He hastily opens it and carefully lays its contents on top of his bed.

There's an envelope with his name on it, and he starts with that, reading Jeonghan's messy handwriting like it's the most precious thing in the world.

_ Dear Seungcheol, _

_ Happy birthday! I hope this doesn't arrive way too late and it's still acceptable to say that. Do you miss me? Stupid question, I know you do. I miss you loads, too, it's so boring in here, I'm dying to come back. I'm sorry I missed your birthday, but I got you something so you can't be mad at me. _

_ I send you a few pictures so that you can see what I've been doing, but I warn you it's nothing extraordinary. I don't really know what else to say, seriously, how did old people write these all the time? This is not a reliable communication system!  _

_ Anyway, I miss your face and I miss your dad's strawberry milkshakes. Tell your parents I said hi, by the way. I'll see you in a couple of weeks, so don't stress about it, okay? Bye. _

_ Love, _

_ Jeonghan _

Seungcheol reads the letter so fast he has to go back and read it again because he didn't catch anything. He feels on the verge of crying by the time he has read it, and it's the most stupid thing he has ever done.

To stop himself, he looks for the pictures between the contents of the box he’s spilled on his bed, and finds them in another envelope with a messy  _ 'Pics’ _ written on it. 

Jeonghan is right, the pictures aren't anything out of the ordinary, but they show stills of Jeonghan's summer: Jeonghan standing by the door of an old house, hand raised in a v sign and a forced smile on his face, a small woman who is unmistakably his grandma smiling warmly by his side; Jeonghan ankle deep in a creek, face twisted in a grimace and holding his pants up to his knees; a candid of Jeonghan and his mom in the middle of a field, the grass reaching their waists and the wind sweeping their hair as they pick up yellow flowers… 

And Seungcheol's favorite: a picture of Jeonghan sitting on a little hill, his hair messy and cheeks rosy, smiling that smile of his that makes his nose scrunch up and his cheeks puff out. He's holding his camera in his hands and he’s tan and and glowing and Seungcheol misses him like a punch to the gut.

Behind every picture there's a date and a little commentary, sarcastic and sweet in a way only Jeonghan can be, stringing together the tale of a boy's summer in the countryside. Seungcheol wishes, a bit irrationally, he were there, sharing these moments with Jeonghan. As it is, he's going to have to make do with the pics.

And the gifts, he guesses. Jeonghan and him have never been big on giving each other presents, it’s something they both agree on, time spent together is better than any material thing they can get the other, but given the circumstances, Seungcheol appreciates having something that reminds him of Jeonghan. 

The rest of the things that were in the box are inside a paper bag with a post-it not attached to it. Seungcheol carefully unsticks it and brings it closer to his face to read Jeonghan’s cluttered words.

_ These are things I thought you’d enjoy. It’s not much but I’ll be there soon so you won’t have time to miss me :) _

Seungcheol smiles in spite of everything. Typical of Jeonghan to make everything about himself. He opens the bag carefully, and pulls out the first item: a pair of bright socks. It pulls a chuckle out of Seungcheol. This is also typical Jeonghan, Seungcheol has at least five pairs of brightly colored socks, all given to him by Jeonghan at random. It’s the only thing Jeonghan ever gifts to people. 

This pair in particular is a neon orange so sharp it almost hurts Seungcheol’s eyes to look at them. He places them on his bed beside him, shaking his head fondly before pulling the next thing from the bag. The wrapping plastic makes a faint noise as he pulls out several of his favorite chocolate bars. The bright colors of their envelopes contrast harshly against his dull gray sheets as he counts them. There's seven of them, as many as Jeonghan could buy with his limited income, he guesses, and each one of them is a tiny bit of happiness. Seungcheol feels a strange kind of melancholy settle in his chest. 

_ Okay _ , he tells himself,  _ I'll eat half of them and share the rest with him when he comes back _ . Jeonghan doesn't like them as much as he does, but Seungcheol thinks he'll appreciate them.

The final item is a CD case with a disc in it. It has a handmade cover that reads  _ CHEOL'S MIXTAPE _ and a tracklist on the back. Seungcheol's eyes quickly scan the list, his chest feeling tighter and tighter as he reads the names of all his favorite artists and the titles of all his favorite songs. Jeonghan has clearly put so much thought into this, it makes something heavy and warm settle in Seungcheol's chest. Every single song he's ever recommended to Jeonghan is there, along with the ones he doesn't recall ever mentioning to him, but that Jeonghan must have figured out anyway. 

This, being _known_ , is one of the things Seungcheol has missed the most this summer. Because his friends know him, yes. They know what he does or what he's interested in. But Jeonghan _knows_ him. He gets Seungcheol in a way that is only paralleled by the way Seungcheol gets Jeonghan. It's a bond that only comes after a lifetime of being best friends, something he'd never dreamt he'd get, and yet is his, _theirs._

And Seungcheol misses Jeonghan. He misses like he's lost a limb, misses him like one of his internal organs has been extirpated without anesthesia, misses him more than he's ever missed anyone and this is not normal, he tells himself. It should not be humanly possible to miss someone this much. 

A tear runs down his cheek and hits his hand, and he startles, surprised. He hasn't realized he's started crying, but now the tears flow non-stop, leaving wet streaks on his cheeks, making his breaths shorter and shorter until he can barely breathe. He wipes at his face, furious and confused. He hasn't cried in such a long time, so why now. Why do his lungs feel like they're on fire every time he takes in a breath.

He just wants Jeonghan back.

He wants to go back in time, to be eight again, when everything was easy and he had Jeonghan all to himself and the world was theirs. When they didn't have a care in the world, and the world didn't expect anything from them yet. When  _ being _ was just so easy; reduced to taking Jeonghan's outstretched hand and letting him drag him around. When there were no expectations to be met, when he could reach out a hand and Jeonghan would always be there by his side. Never too far, never apart.

The tears keep falling, but he does nothing to stop them now, just lets them roll down his cheeks in even streams as he sobs, the gaping hole in his chest has never felt this big. He doesn't understand, can't understand, but doesn't try to either. He just lets all the pent up frustration go, lets his body use this as an outlet to release all the tension. He cries until he feels numb, until his face feels swollen and his eyes sting, until his throat is parched and clicks every time he swallows, until there are no tears left and he's just left breathing heavily, shakily, brokenly.

He feels exhausted afterwards, like he just ran a marathon, and lies down on his bed, the picture of Jeonghan smiling clutched in his hand. He wants him back. He wants to hear his voice again, wants to see the way his eyes sparkle with mirth when he comes up with a prank, wants to hug him again, to smell his strawberry shampoo, to feel his bony figure pressed against him again.

He just wants and wants and wants. He wants it so bad that the word  _ want  _ isn't enough to describe it anymore. He doesn't want, he  _ yearns _ . He yearns for Jeonghan beside him, the way it used to be, the way it always has been, the way it should be.

He doesn't remember falling asleep, but he wakes a few hours later, his face feeling blotched, his tongue like sandpaper, and his hand still holding the picture. His heart feels heavy in his chest and he refuses to open his eyes. Maybe if he stays here he can pretend nothing's wrong. He can just wait until Jeonghan comes back home and things are right again. But reality comes crashing back in in the form of a knock on his door and his mother's voice telling him that dinner is ready.

_ You can do this, _ he tells himself, mustering up all the strength he has left.  _ Breathe in, breathe out, don't think about him, carry on. _ Just two more weeks.

* * *

Jeonghan comes back on a rainy day. It's cold and gloomy, the weather matching Seungcheol's mood perfectly as he sits idly by his window, watching the rain draw patterns on the glass. It's only because he's there that he sees the car pulling into the driveway of the neighboring house. His heart picks up in his chest immediately as he spots an unmistakable figure in the backseat, and before he knows it, he's running down the stairs and stuffing his feet inside his sneakers, throwing the door open and launching into the cool summer rain.

The rain falls in his eyes, and maybe that's why he doesn't see Jeonghan running towards him until they are right in front of the other, bodies colliding in a crushing hug. Jeonghan's hair is longer and it tickles Seungcheol's nose where he's buried his face on the crook of his neck. He smells like strawberries and like summer, and Seungcheol never understood what homesickness felt like until now. 

"You're crushing my lungs," Jeonghan wheezes in his ear, and Seungcheol can't help but let out a wet laugh. His voice. His wonderful breathy voice. 

"Sorry," he mutters, loosening his grip just a little, but refusing to let go just yet. It's all fine, though, because Jeonghan doesn't seem to plan on releasing him any time soon either. "I missed you so much," he lets slip hopelessly.

" _ Me too _ , oh my God," Jeonghan laughs, his voice colored with incredulity, almost as if he can't quite believe how much he missed Seungcheol. Suddenly he's pulling away and Seungcheol has a small moment of panic, trying to pull him closer until Jeonghan says "Let me see you," and pushes away to look at Seungcheol's face. His hands come up to his cheeks and they rest there as they stare at each other, drinking the other in. 

"You're so thin," Jeonghan squeezes his cheeks, and Seungcheol smiles, helpless to do anything else. 

"I didn't have my personal bad influence around to convince me to eat sweets all day," he replies, easily, and revels in the way Jeonghan smiles at that.

"Well, that's inconceivable, we have to change that," Jeonghan decides. Here he is, back to controlling Seungcheol's life, and Seungcheol wouldn't have it any other way. He smiles bigger, nodding his agreement, and just looks at Jeonghan, his beautiful face scrunched in the prettiest smile, and suddenly, he wants to kiss him.

It's there and gone in an instant, a barely there thought, but it  _ is _ . Too fast to be premeditated, but too strong to be fleeting. It takes Seungcheol's breath away for a second, leaving him confused and lost. He just thought about kissing Jeonghan. He just had the urge to lean forward and press his lips against Jeonghan's lips. This has never happened before. He's never looked at someone, least of all his best friend, and felt this  _ need  _ to kiss them. It's new, unknown and scary. He definitely doesn't have the tools to dissect this feeling right now.

Jeonghan must see something in his face, because his smile falters and his eyes fill with worry. "What's wrong?"

And Seungcheol, in an incredible show of self-control, simply smiles and shakes his head, says  _ nothing _ , offers to help him unpack. All while, internally, he's having the crisis of the century. He ignores it, pushes it down and away, to deal with it in another moment, and focuses on the task at hand. He helps Jeonghan unpack, stays over for dinner, follows Jeonghan to his room and stays up talking with him until Jeonghan falls asleep midstory, his head lolling until it rests on Seungcheol's shoulder. He lays him down and is about to leave when a hand reaches out and grabs his shirt, and a barely conscious Jeonghan mumbles  _ stay _ . So he lays beside him, his breath hitching when Jeonghan scoots closer to him, and stays really still.

It's not until Jeonghan's breathing evens out and his body goes lax that Seungcheol allows himself to unearth the thought he's been fighting to ignore all evening. He thought of kissing Jeonghan. He thought about kissing his best friend. He thought about kissing his best friend, who is a boy, who is  _ Jeonghan _ .

His mind is running a thousand miles a minute, trying to figure out just exactly where had that come from. Does he like Jeonghan? He is his best friend, of course he does, but does he like him  _ like him _ ? He doesn't know. He'd never thought about it. The idea had never crossed his mind. He had simply never entertained the thought of liking him. Boys? Maybe. Jeonghan? That's another thing altogether. 

But he thought about kissing him. That's something he can't deny. Does that make him gay? That can't be, because he's positive he likes girls. Bi? That sounds plausible, but still doesn't explain why he thought about kissing Jeonghan.

_ You're being so dumb about this, _ a voice tells him.  _ Clearly, if you thought about kissing him it's because you want to. _

And that voice might have a point. It's sudden, yes, but it's undeniable. He wants to kiss Jeonghan. Not in a past, fleeting tense. He wants to do it, present. Now that he's thought about it once, it's a constant burn in his chest, impossible to chase away, and it scares him. It scares him because he doesn't know what it means, but then again, he doesn't know what a lot of other things mean, either. If he's good at one thing is at rolling with whatever feels right. And right now, what feels right is Jeonghan's warmth against him and the familiar, rhythmic rise and fall of his chest.

He looks at Jeonghan's sleeping face beside him, the soft curve of his cheekbones, the delicate bridge of his nose, the dark fan of his eyelashes, his pink lips slightly parted, and feels that urge again. Feels the need to lean in and press his lips to Jeonghan's soft ones. To run his hands through his hair, to hold him close and feel his warmth.

It's a terrifying thought, but also a thrilling one. He's never felt like this about anyone before. He tries the statements out in his mind, only to see if they ring true. He wants to kiss Jeonghan. He might feel something for Jeonghan that isn't strictly friendship. It makes his heart speed up in his chest in a way it never has, leaving him giddy and a bit dizzy. Those are the facts. They're new and scary and unexpected but they're undeniable. 

Seungcheol is aware, in a distant part of his brain, that he should be more shaken by this. He just realized he might be harboring feelings for his best friend since God knows when. But he can't find it in himself to panic, not when it's Jeonghan. Because Seungcheol's reasoning always appears to falter around him, so this should be no exception. 

So what if he wants to kiss him? Seungcheol is a big boy, he knows how to deal with that. It's not like he'll suddenly jump Jeonghan or treat him any differently. Jeonghan is still his best friend, his favorite person in the world, the boy he would do anything for. This shouldn't change anything. And that's the thought that lulls him to sleep as he listens to Jeonghan's breathing.

It won't change anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fellas is it gay to want to give your bro a big smooch


	4. 'Cause you're the last of a dying breed, write our names in the wet concrete

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings:
> 
> Big ass panic attack in this one!!!! starting from '(...) “What do you mean?” ' until ' His throat feels like it's on fire. '

It changes everything.

“Cheollie, what did you get for number four?” Jeonghan asks from his bed. 

They're doing homework together as they usually do, and Jeonghan, as always, is thrown in some dramatic but effortlessly beautiful pose on his bed. Seungcheol thought the urge to kiss his best friend would have waned after six months, but he's seventeen, his hormones are all over the place, and Jeonghan has no right to look as good as he does when he's half hanging upside down from his bed with his legs propped against the wall. And it just keeps getting worse.

Puberty might have hit the rest of them but it's as if it only caressed Jeonghan. He looks exactly like he did as a little kid, doe eyes and pretty nose and thin, soft lips. His jaw has gotten a little sharper and his cheekbones stand out more, edges instead of the roundness of his baby cheeks, but all in all, he's still the same, except ten times more beautiful. Seungcheol kind of hates him because of that.

“Thirteen,” he says, avoiding Jeonghan's eyes.

Jeonghan makes a frustrated sound and jumps upright, pushing his hair from his eyes. He's been letting it grow longer recently and Seungcheol would cut his own tongue off before admitting that he finds it attractive. 

“Damnit! I got seventeen. Why does fucking trig hate me?” Jeonghan says in a whiny voice.

Seungcheol laughs at the childish outburst and gets up from his place on Jeonghan's desk to sit beside him. “Lemme see what you got wrong.”

He quickly skims over Jeonghan's homework to find the mistake and points it out to him. “You forgot to change the sign from positive to negative again. Look, here.”

Jeonghan leans closer to see where Seungcheol is pointing and Seungcheol tries his best not to be a creep and notice the way the collar of his shirt falls loose over his shoulder exposing his collarbone. 

“Aaah, I see. I'm so dumb, what would I do without you?” Jeonghan says, and momentarily rests his head on Seungcheol's shoulder, unaware of Seungcheol's heart speeding up in his chest. 

“You would fail math, probably,” he says, and he’s proud when his voice doesn't quiver.

Jeonghan laughs and retrieves his notebook from Seungcheol's grip to redo the exercise. He tosses it away when he's done and turns back to Seungcheol with a mischievous look on his face. Seungcheol has seen that face enough times to know it means trouble is coming his way and he will be unable to stop it.

“I have an idea,” says Jeonghan slowly, a smile starting to form on his lips.

Seungcheol gulps. “I'm not sure I want to hear it.”

Jeonghan smiles wider and gets a bit closer. Seungcheol gulps again, but for an entirely different reason.

“What if I say it's a dare?” Jeonghan asks and Seungcheol is done for, because he can never walk away from a dare and Jeonghan knows it. 

He groans. “Fine. Just don't make me do anything indecent this time.”

Jeonghan laughs and Seungcheol drinks it all up. “We were nine and you barely made it out the door.” 

“Yeah, naked,” Seungcheol reminds him. The glint in Jeonghan's eyes as he remembers that legendary dare is almost scary.

“Unimportant details,” he says

“You are an unimportant detail,” Seungcheol retorts. 

Jeonghan ignores him and gets closer to him instead, until their noses are almost touching, and it's almost like he knows what he is doing to Seungcheol's heart and has decided to just use it in his favor. 

“C’mon, Cheol, it'll be fun,” he says, and it's not fair, what he's doing to Seungcheol.

“For who?” asks Seungcheol, and his voice does break this time. 

Jeonghan smiles sweetly at him and pushes away and Seungcheol wonders when did he stop breathing. “For me, of course.”

Seungcheol releases a too shaky breath and sits straighter on the bed. “I don't think that's fair,” he says.

Jeonghan shrugs. “Well, life isn't fair, is it?”

“I guess it isn't. Just tell me already so I know how much of a humiliation I'm in for,” Seungcheol sounds way cooler about this than he actually is.

Jeonghan seems to consider it. “There won't be any humiliation but we might get arrested.”

Seungcheol is sure his eyes pop out of his head with how much he opens them. “Oh, no, Yoon Jeonghan, I'm not getting arrested because of one of your stupid dares.”

“Please, Cheol, it's something I've wanted to do since forever,” says Jeonghan, and he drapes himself dramatically on top of Seungcheol, pouting like a child.

Seungcheol stops Jeonghan's head from hitting the wall because of the momentum he's built with how enthusiastically he's thrown himself at Seungcheol and maneuvers Jeonghan so that he is pressed against Seungcheol's chest. Maybe if he can't see his face, he will be able to resist his nonsense propositions. Jeonghan mumbles something but borrows closer to him and hugs Seungcheol's middle. 

Seungcheol's heart hurts with how easy and domestic this feels, how easy it would be to pretend that this is more than platonic cuddling, that Jeonghan likes him as much as he likes Jeonghan and is also feeling his stomach tie up in knots at how much he wants this to be real. 

“Will you do this for me, Seungcheollie?” asks Jeonghan softly, like he is about to fall asleep, and it wouldn't be the first time he's used Seungcheol as a pillow. 

Seungcheol likes to tell himself that he actually has any chance against Jeonghan's will, that he actually has enough power to tell him no, but in the end they both know he doesn't. He sighs and pushes Jeonghan's hair behind his ear.

“Okay, what is this thing that will potentially get me arrested?”

Jeonghan perks up at that and sits up, using Seungcheol's chest to hold himself up. “Sneak into the city pool with me.”

Seungcheol looks down at him for a moment, at the way he's staring hopefully at Seungcheol, -his expression a tick away from a smile, his eyes holding the entire universe in them-, and feels the very last remnants of resistance slip away from him, because he was put on this earth to make Yoon Jeonghan happy and that's what he's going to do. 

“Sure,” he says, and watches in fascination as a smile blooms on Jeonghan's face.

“You're the literal best, did you know that?” Jeonghan says. Seungcheol ignores the blush that he feels on his cheeks.

“You so owe me,” he says instead.

* * *

_ You have no idea how right you were,  _ thinks Jeonghan a few days later.

They have managed to sneak into the city pool (as if jumping over a fence can qualify as  _ sneaking into _ , seriously, this was a piece of cake), and are now sitting on the edge of it, feet in the water. Their shoes and socks lay on a pile behind them and the moon is bright above their heads.

He looks over at where the water casts reflections on Seungcheol's face. He's always looked best at night, in Jeonghan's opinion, but tonight, the blueish white of the moonlight reflected on his face makes him look almost straight out of a fairy tale, making Jeonghan wish he had a camera with him to capture this sight. The light dances on the bridge of his nose as he turns to look at Jeonghan with his big eyes. He opens his mouth to say something but seems to think better of it and instead just sends him a big, gummy smile, one that makes Jeonghan want to tell him  _ I'm so in love with you. _

“Thanks,” he says instead, hoping Seungcheol will somehow be able to see what he really means.

“What for?” asks Seungcheol, still smiling. Jeonghan is crazy about that smile.

“For coming here with me, for doing all the stupid crap i ask you to do,” he didn't intend to sound so remorseful, but Seungcheol's smile has made something in him shift and now he feels like shit for dragging him here.

Seungcheol inches closer and drapes an arm around his shoulders, bringing their heads together. He rests his temple against Jeonghan's. “You're my best friend, right? That's what best friends do.”

Jeonghan suddenly has to fight back tears. He doesn't want this. He doesn't want to be Seungcheol's friend. He doesn't want the intimacy and the comfort and the knowing each other like the back of their hands. He hates Seungcheol for making him feel like this, but most of all he just hates his dumb, stupid self for falling for his straight best friend.

“They don't,” he says bitterly. “I'm just a manipulative bitch who makes you think you have to do everything I ask.”

Seungcheol pulls away when he hears that, holding Jeonghan's shoulder with a hand and looking at him like a kicked puppy. Jeonghan hates his stupid beautiful big eyes.

“What are you talking about?”

Jeonghan casts his eyes away. He refuses to look at him. He knows if he looks at Seungcheol, he will spill everything, and he's not ready for Seungcheol to leave him just yet. Because Seungcheol will leave for sure once he realizes just how fucked up Jeonghan is, nobody would want to keep someone like him around. 

“Hannie, look at me.” He hates Seungcheol for using that nickname, for using that tone, for making Jeonghan want to look at him. “What do you mean?”

Jeonghan bats away the hand trying to grab his chin and pushes Seungcheol's arm away from his shoulders. “I want to leave,” he says, getting up. He starts pulling on his socks over his still wet feet, not caring, because he just wants out. He wants to leave and he wants to run and he wants to cry and he wants to scream until his lungs give out, and most of all he just wants to be far away from Seungcheol so that he can't see any of this. He can't breathe, air simply refuses to fill up his lungs all of a sudden, and he starts to hyperventilate.

“Hannie. Hannie.  _ Jeonghan,”  _ strong arms catch him before he can hit the floor when his knees give out and then he's sobbing against Seungcheol's shirt. “Hey, hey, it's okay. I'm here, yeah? Hannie, listen to me. I need you to try to breathe, okay?”

Seungcheol keeps talking above him but Jeonghan doesn't listen. Everything hurts. He wants everything to stop hurting. He wants to be able to breathe again. Seungcheol grabs Jeonghan's wet cheeks and forces him to look at him.

“I need you to breathe, please. Breathe with me.” There are tears in his eyes too, but the look on his face is stern. He takes one of Jeonghan's hands and places it on top of his chest. His heart is racing. “Follow my pace, okay?”

Slowly, painfully so, they manage to calm Jeonghan down enough for him to be able to support himself. He's still crying and he has started hiccuping at some point, but at least he can breathe again. Seungcheol presses their foreheads together and Jeonghan is too tired to feel anything but a dull shiver down his spine.

“You scared me to death,” whispers Seungcheol. Jeonghan hiccups and their foreheads bump against each other.

“I’m- I'm sorry,” he croaks. His throat feels like it's on fire.

Seungcheol shakes his head. His eyes are closed and there are tear tracks on his cheeks. He absentmindedly wipes the tears from Jeonghan's cheeks, which only makes him cry harder. “Shhh… don't apologise.”

Jeonghan hiccups again and shivers. He realizes that he's very cold despite the warm air. Seungcheol notices and rubs his hands up and down his arms. He says, “Let's get you out of here, yeah?”

Jeonghan can only nod and let Seungcheol help him back to his feet. Luckily he finished putting on his shoes before so he doesn't have to do it now. He's not sure he could have managed to. Seungcheol puts his on as fast as he can and helps Jeonghan jump over the fence again, which means he hoists him up like he weighs nothing and practically tosses him over it. 

It takes them a little longer than it usually would to get to Jeonghan's house and climb to his window; Jeonghan stops crying halfway but needs to stop periodically to catch his breath as tears threaten to come again. Seungcheol puts an arm around his waist and softly guides him through the midnight streets. He keeps stealing worried glances at him and Jeonghan is too tired to call him out on it, to tell him that he's not made of glass to be shattered.

They eventually make it, though, and Jeonghan drops face first on his bed ungracefully. He feels tears starting to well up in his eyes again and hates himself for being so weak. He's so stupid, having a panic attack over something so banal. And it's not like it even matters. Seungcheol is his best friend, and Seungcheol is straight, and even if he wasn't (which is impossible because nothing good ever happens to Jeonghan), he would never fall for Jeonghan, because Jeonghan is a mess and impossible to love. 

A hand nudges his arm and Seungcheol says in the softest voice, “Hey.”

Jeonghan starts silently crying again. If Seungcheol notices, he's graceful enough not to mention it. 

“Hey,” he says again, barely a whisper. “You can't sleep in your pants. You need to change.”

“I don't want to move,” Jeonghan tells his pillow. He doesn't want Seungcheol to see his ugly crying face. 

Seungcheol lets out a small laugh and Jeonghan saves the sound for a rainy day. “I know you don't want to, but you'll thank me in the morning. You should also wash your face. It'll help, I promise.”

And it's so hard to tell him no when he uses that tone, so hard to resist the pull of his voice, so hard to pretend that he wouldn't do anything Seungcheol asked in the blink of an eye.  _ This needs to stop _ , he tells himself, but he knows he's already lost the battle against Seungcheol's voice.

Slowly, he leaves the safety of the pillow behind and sits up. Seungcheol is standing in the middle of the room, awkwardly hugging himself the way he used to do when he was a little kid. Jeonghan's heart hurts. He hastily wipes the tears from his face and stubbornly makes himself look up. 

“Stop doing that,” he says. His throat is made of sandpaper tonight, apparently.

Seungcheol startles and unwraps his arms, letting them hang limply by his sides, somehow managing to look even more awkward by doing so.  _ Congratulations, Yoon Jeonghan, you're officially a dick. _ He can't stand looking at Seungcheol like this anymore, so he gets up and makes a beeline for the door, grabbing a shirt and pajama pants on his way. He quietly opens the door and sneaks into the hallway (a trick he'd mastered years ago in his nocturnal kitchen runs) and gets into the bathroom. 

The sterile light almost blinds him and he almost starts crying again when he sees his reflection in the mirror. He looks horrible: red, puffy eyes, blotchy cheeks and hair a mess. A distant part of his mind registers that he luckily didn't put on his contacts today, so at least there's that. 

He washes his face like Seungcheol said to avoid looking at himself any longer. It does kind of make him feel better and Jeonghan hates Seungcheol for always being right. He quickly changes and takes his glasses from the sink. When he looks back at the mirror, he looks a little more like himself. His eyes are still red and his hair is still all over the place but at least his cheeks are no longer that blotchy. He also feels a lot calmer than he did before, even if his chest still feels like there's an elephant sitting on it.

Closing the door behind him, he goes back into his room. He had sort of expected Seungcheol to leave after being left alone, so that's why he almost jumps when he sees him standing in the exact same position in which he left him, seemingly lost in thought.

“Cheol,” he starts softly. Seungcheol's head snaps towards him. “Have you moved at all?”

Seungcheol's confused frown is the cutest thing Jeonghan has seen and it makes him want to kiss it away. It's not better when Seungcheol says “... no?” in an equally confused voice.

Jeonghan sighs.  _ We're both a mess _ , he thinks. Look at them, unable to function like two normal human beings, unable to be in the same room without one or both of them feeling anxious. Doomed to fail.  _ And it's your fault _ , a voice inside him says. He ruined everything with that breakdown. Now Seungcheol doesn't want to be near him anymore and Jeonghan can't blame him. He's disgusting. Broken beyond repair. A lost cause. Seungcheol is probably just sticking around out of politeness. He'll flee as soon as he can and Jeonghan won't be able to stop him from doing so because it's the sane thing to do.

“You can leave if you want to,” he says, a tad bitter, not at Seungcheol but at himself.

Seungcheol continues to stare at him confusedly. He takes a step forward tentatively and hugs himself again. Jeonghan hates himself a little more.

“Do you want me to leave?” asks Seungcheol in a small voice. He sounds tired and afraid and Jeonghan hates knowing he's the one who made him sound like this.

Seungcheol would be better off without him, that much Jeonghan knows. Does he want him to leave, though? His selfish heart says no. His reasonable mind says yes. His common sense says he's a bitch for playing with Seungcheol like that. Because they both know the answer to that question. No, Jeonghan never wants Seungcheol to leave. He relies too much on him. It's gotten to a point where Seungcheol is Jeonghan's only source of comfort and, if he is honest, this scares the hell out of him. So, does he want Seungcheol to leave?

“No.” Never in a million years.  _ Please don't ever leave me because I don't know what I’d do without you.  _ He's crying again.

“Come here,” Seungcheol says, and hugs Jeonghan again. _Why,_ Jeonghan wonders _, is this the only place I ever feel safe in?_ Slowly, Seungcheol guides him to bed and helps him get under the covers. It feels good, but something is missing. His twin size bed suddenly feels too big for him.

“Lie with me?” he asks pathetically through the tears, and misses the way Seungcheol sighs in relief at the petition.

Seungcheol smiles at him. “Of course.”

They lie together silently, facing each other in the dark and breathing in unison. At some point Seungcheol's hand finds Jeonghan's and he squeezes it three times, their childhood code for  _ I'm here, nobody can hurt you.  _ There's nobody who can hurt him but himself, Jeonghan thinks. He squeezes Seungcheol’s hand back as hard as he can.  _ I love you _ .

He falls asleep to the sound of Seungcheol's breath, their hands intertwined between them, his heart heavy in his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> personally, i hate the chapter for some reason, i hope it wasnt too bad smh... the good news is that the real plot starts now


	5. I am a collapsing star with tunnel vision but only for you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, another time skip im sorry this takes place in their senior year of college
> 
> this chapter is a bit of a trainwreck but i had so much fun writing it

**_Hannie_ ** _has created the group chat_ **_Jeonghanie's fools💕_ **

**_Hannie_ ** _has added_ **_BooBoo, Juncat, Michael Chanson, Seokminie☀_ ** _and_ **_Shua_ ** _to the group chat_

**Hannie:** emergency meeting, me n shuas place, 6pm

**Shua:** i did not agree to this?????

 **Shua:** nvm im in

**Michael Chanson:** is he giving you that face?

**Shua:** he is smh

**Michael Chanson:** this hyung fr

**BooBoo:** whats wrong hyung?

 **BooBoo:** do i need to bring ice cream?

**Hannie:** pls i will Love You Forever

**Shua:** liar

**Seokminie☀:** whats this about?

 **Seokminie☀:** i read emergency and almost fell down the stairs

 **Seokminie☀:** soonyoung is laughing at me now :'(

**Hannie:** dw he still loves u

 **Hannie:** u guys coming then?

 **Hannie:** pls i need the support rn

**Shua:** he rlly looks bad

**Hannie:** fuck u i always look good

**Michael Chanson:** hyung i can come but i have to leave round 8 cause i have an exam tmrrw

**Hannie:** channie ur my fav ily

**Juncat:** wht did i miss?

**BooBoo:** jeonghan hyung is having a crisis and were meeting at his place at 6pm w ice cream

**Juncat** : cool

 **Juncat:** i mean not that ur having a crisis hyung thats not cool

**Hannie:** thx jun ily2

**Seokminie☀:** ill be there

 **Seokminie☀:** soonyoung said he can drop me off

**Shua:** u guys are disgusting

**Seokminie☀:** stfu ur jealous

**Hannie:** seokminie ily2 too

**BooBoo:** hes really sentimental today im scared

 **BooBoo:** hyung ill come round 6:30

**Hannie:** kwannie i was gonna say i also love you but you went and exposed me so no love for u

**BooBoo:** :(

**Hannie:** fine ily2

**BooBoo:** :)

**Hannie:** good so ill see you guys later thx ily

**Michael Chanson:** hes said that more times in ten mins than in all the years ive known him are we sure hes okay?

**Shua:** hes just an idiot

**Hannie:** kindly go to hell

* * *

Jeonghan paces back and forth on his living room as he anxiously waits for the clock to reach 6pm. He's been on edge since this morning, to the point where he skipped class and texted everyone to come over and help him get his mind in order. He doesn't think having the boys over will help much but he can certainly appreciate their company and loyalty.

“Can you stay still, you're making me dizzy,” says Jisoo from his place on the sofa, where he has been attempting to watch some shitty sitcom for the past half hour. It's a vain effort with Jeonghan walking in front of the TV every few seconds.

Jeonghan stops in his tracks and bites his lip. “Sorry.”

He doesn't think he deserves the soft look Jisoo gives him, much less the open arms and _come here_ that come after, but he's weak and Jisoo is the best cuddler.

“Sorry for bothering you, I'm such a baby,” he says against Jisoo's chest. Jisoo's hand is tracing circles on his back and Jisoo's chin rests on top of his head. Jeonghan is so grateful for his best friend right now he could cry.

“You are. Will you tell me what all of this is about or am I going to have to wait until everyone is here?” Jisoo asks quietly. He has that soft, kind voice that makes Jeonghan want to believe there is good in the world after all.

Should he tell Jisoo? If there's someone who's not going to judge Jeonghan for freaking out over something so stupid it's him. Jisoo has known him all his life, they've been best friends almost as long as Seungcheol and him have been. Jisoo has seen him at his worst and still loves him, this will probably be nothing in the general scheme of things.

“Seungcheol kissed me this morning,” he says softly. 

Jisoo's hand stops as he takes a sharp breath. This is not the reaction Jeonghan was expecting but it's not a bad one either. Jeonghan knows that Jisoo is probably just shocked, like he was, at the fact that Seungcheol even considered kissing Jeonghan. 

“How did it go?” Jisoo asks tentatively. Jeonghan is so tired of people treating him like he's going to break.

“I think it was an accident,” Jeonghan tells him. “He didn't realize what he was doing.”

“Jeonghan, you don't kiss someone on accident.” 

“You do if you're sleep deprived and running late for class,” Jeonghan is very defensive about this, but he needs to be. He needs to be because any other option implies things that he's not ready to face yet.

Jisoo huffs out a breath and that's the most frustrated Jeonghan has seen him since he was unable to play Wonderwall perfectly on his first try. “I'm going to need you to elaborate cause this is making no sense right now.”

The elaboration requires too much brain power for Jeonghan's scattered mind right now but he still makes an effort for Jisoo.

This morning, he had been sitting in their kitchen, drinking coffee as he waited for a video that Junhui had sent him to load when Seungcheol had stormed into the kitchen, hair still messy from sleep and shirt half-buttoned. 

Jeonghan had looked at the clock and noticed that Seungcheol was most definitely going to be late for his first class. Jeonghan hadn't said anything, knowing how snappy Seungcheol gets when he's late to places, and had watched in silence as Seungcheol hastily assembled some breakfast, pretending not to be ogling at Seungcheol's exposed collarbones. 

Maybe that's why he didn't notice Seungcheol's proximity until he was saying “see you later” and planting a kiss on Jeonghan's lips. Jeonghan barely had time to register the soft pressure (so soft, barely there at all) before Seungcheol was pulling back and walking out the door. 

_What the hell just happened_ , he had thought to himself as he stared dumbfoundedly at the door. He had touched his lips in awe. He'd still been asleep. He'd still been asleep and having an incredibly vivid dream because there was no way Seungcheol had just kissed him. 

“So yeah, that's basically what happened,” Jeonghan says bitterly. Jisoo's sitcom has finished and now they're staring at a blank screen that reflects Jeonghan's emotions pretty well.

Jisoo lets out a long breath. “Well, I was not expecting _that_.”

“Tell me about it,” says Jeonghan sarcastically. This whole situation has been eating him alive all day. He knows he's stupid for ceasing to function over something so banal, but he can't help it. “What am I supposed to do now, Shua?”

“I… don't know, Hannie. I'm as lost as you are.” And he does sound lost. _Great,_ Jeonghan thinks, _just fucking great._ “Let's wait for the others and see if they know what to do.”

Jeonghan sighs and makes himself more comfortable against Jisoo's chest. “Yeah.”

* * *

It hits Seungcheol like a freight train as he's running to the bus stop. _I just kissed Jeonghan_ . He stops dead on his tracks, almost making the person behind him walk into him as he stares into the distance in shock. _My idiot ass just kissed Jeonghan on the lips._ And he didn't even notice until now. He was so focused on not being late that he hadn't realized he was not sleeping anymore. _We don't kiss Jeonghan outside of dreams!_ The voice inside his head yells at him. _I know!_ He retorts. 

He's so stupid. He's so stupid and so utterly fucked. He's never going to be able to look Jeonghan in the eye again, much less live with him. He's considering asking Jihoon to let him stay at his place when he remembers. He has friends! Who are really good at solving other people's problems! (A euphemism coined by Soonyoung for getting involved in other people's lives).

* * *

**_Coups_ ** _has created the group chat_ **_my life is a romcom_ **

**_Coups_ ** _has added_ **_Gyu, NaegaHosh, T-H-E to the 8, VerNYOOM, WonUWU_ ** _and_ **_Woozi_ ** _to the group chat_

**Coups:** hey guys would it be okay for us to meet?

**VerNYOOM:** sure hyung

 **VerNYOOM:** how about @ my place?

 **VerNYOOM:** SK is out for the afternoon so we have it all to ourselves

**Coups:** perf hansol thx

 **Coups:** i get off at 7 so how about 7:30?

**Gyu:** 7:30 is okay for me

 **Gyu:** is everything alright hyung?

**Coups:** yeah dw gyu everything is fine im just?????? freaking out rn

**Woozi:** oh yeah the definition of okay is freaking out didnt yall know?

**Coups:** omg shut up jihoon

 **Coups:** are u comin?

**Woozi:** ofc i am i wanna see u freak out

**Coups:** ………….

 **Coups:** thx ily2

**Woozi:** anytime man

**NaegaHosh:** IM IN

 **NaegaHosh:** whats this about btw

 **NaegaHosh:** do we need to 

**NaegaHosh:** bury someones corpse?

**Woozi:** omfg soonyoung

**T-H-E to the 8:** why am i friends w you lot?

**Gyu:** bc u cant help loving us ;)

**T-H-E to the 8:** i could choke you in your sleep

**Gyu:** :( babe

**T-H-E to the 8:** …..

 **T-H-E to the 8:** whatever

 **T-H-E to the 8:** hyung im off @ 8 but i can skip the last hour

**Coups:** NONONO DONT DO THAT

 **Coups:** YOUR EDUCATION IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN ME FREAKING OUT

**WonUWU:** what are u guys blowing my phone up for this time

**Woozi:** cheol hyung is freaking out lmao

**Coups:** tbh idk if i like the fact that you enjoy seeing me suffer so much

**VerNYOOM:** were meeting at my place at 7:30 to problem solve _@WonUWU_

 **VerNYOOM:** also i dont enjoy seeing you suffer hyung :(

**Coups:** hansol ur a blessing

**WonUWU:** ill be there

**Coups:** thx wonwoo-ya

**T-H-E to the 8:** ill come round 8 smth

 **T-H-E to the 8:** this has nothing to do w mingyu btw

**Gyu:** ;)

**Woozi:** i hate every single one of you

**NaegaHosh:** thats bc 

**NaegaHosh:** you havent 

**NaegaHosh:** gotten laid in 

**NaegaHosh:** ages

**Woozi:** pls choke

**NaegaHosh:** no

 **NaegaHosh:** youd miss me

 **NaegaHosh:** whod annoy 

**NaegaHosh:** you then

 **NaegaHosh:** yah coups hyung ill come

 **NaegaHosh:** i gotta drop 

**NaegaHosh:** seokmin off at ur place first tho

 **NaegaHosh:** smth about 

**NaegaHosh:** jeonghan hyung and 

**NaegaHosh:** ice cream????

 **NaegaHosh:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ idk

**Coups:** wtf

 **Coups:** okay thx guys i owe u

**Woozi:** buy us dinner

**Coups:** ………. okay

**NaegaHosh:** OMG SOMEONE SCREENSHOT THIS I NEVER THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD COME

**Coups:** soonyoung shut up

**Woozi:** soonyoung shut up

**VerNYOOM:** awwww u guys said the same thing at the same time

**Woozi:** soonyoung has that effect on ppl

**NaegaHosh:** yall love me tho

**Woozi:** no

**T-H-E to the 8:** no

**Coups:** no

**Gyu:** …….. i do

**VerNYOOM:** i do 2

**NaegaHosh:** see

**WonUWU:** can u guys pls shut up some of us have classes to attend to

* * *

Hansol opens the door and greets him with a smile, pulling him into a hug as soon as he's inside.

“How are you?” he asks sweetly. Seungcheol thanks God for Hansol Vernon Chwe. 

“I've had better days,” he says against Hansol’s shoulder. Hansol's hugs should be patented: Instant Feel Better.

“I'm sure it's not that bad, hyung, you tend to overreact.” he does have a point there.

Walking inside Hansol's and Seungkwan’s apartment is like entering a completely different dimension. Seungkwan has many qualities, but order isn't one of them. All sorts of things are scattered around the living room, a chaos that Seungcheol is sure extends past that and into the adjacent bedroom. He maneuvers so as to not to collide with what looks like a suspicious pile of books covered in unidentified clothes and places the takeout bags on what he hopes is a table before sitting on the blanket covered couch. 

“How do you even find anything in here?” Seungcheol asks Hansol's back. Hansol turns around with a pained, knowing expression.

“At least he hangs his shirts now,” he says pitifully. Poor Hansol, his minimalistic and simple soul had to fall for the complicated hurricane that is Seungkwan. Seungcheol thinks of his own private hurricane at home and feels a pang in his chest. “Do you want anything? We've got OJ or beer or soju if you prefer something stronger although I wouldn't advise to start drinking this early on a school night.”

“Hansol, we haven't been in school for like a decade,” Seungcheol says, amused by Hansol's speech. The pointed look Hansol gives him only makes it funnier.

“I know what I said. School night,” he says, pointing at Seungcheol, who raises his hands in self defense.

“I'll have some OJ, thanks.” Hansol nods approvingly.

They make small talk as the others start arriving. Seungcheol realizes he has missed the boys. He's been so busy studying and trying not to die from exhaustion that he's barely seen anyone other than his teachers, Jeonghan, and Jisoo for almost a month now. He feels so bad about the fact that he hasn't reached out to them sooner because just seeing Jihoon threaten Soonyoung with his chopsticks as Mingyu not so subtly tries to get Minghao to feed him and Wonwoo fistbumps Hansol when he comes through the door and sits on the arm of the couch beside Seungcheol is enough to make his heart feel at least twice as big as usual.

It falls to his feet when Minghao lifts his head from where it’s resting on Mingyu’s leg from sitting on the floor and asks. “What did you want to talk about, hyung?”

Seungcheol feels the attention of everyone in the room focusing on him and suddenly regrets doing this. How is he going to explain to everyone what he did this morning? They don’t even know anything about his feelings for Jeonghan, how is he supposed to explain that, too? This whole meeting was a mistake and now he doesn’t have a way out, he’s going to have to spill everything out for half of his group of friends who will for sure tell the other half because they’re awful at keeping secrets, which means that Jeonghan is going to find out that he’s been in love with him since forever and he’s going to have to move out of the country and probably launch himself into the sun and…

“Oh my God, Minghao, I think you broke him. Is he even breathing?” Jihoon pokes him with a chopstick and Seungcheol jumps (quite literally) back into reality.

“Sorry, I was just…” he really doesn’t know what he was doing.

“Yeah, Seungcheol.exe stopped working for a moment there,” says Soonyoung jokingly, but Seungcheol can see the worry in his face.

“He does that sometimes,” Hansol replies as he silently passes a glass of water to Seungcheol, who takes it gratefully. “Are you okay, hyung?”

“I am, I am. I just have too much on my mind and don’t know where to start.” He guesses this is close enough to the truth. He watches as Jihoon sighs exasperatedly. 

“How about you start from the beginning?” Mingyu asks sweetly. That earns him a sarcastic look from both Minghao and Wonwoo. “What? At least I’m trying to help!”

“You’re helping, Gyu, don’t worry,” Seungcheol pats his knee to comfort him. Mingyu beams gratefully at him. He turns to the rest of the boys, who are still looking expectantly at him. “I guess Mingyu is right, there’s no use in explaining what I was freaking out about before without explaining the whole thing.” 

“You make it sound so cryptic, hyung, just tell us already!” whines Soonyoung.

Seungcheol takes a deep breath. It’s time, he guesses. “Okay, you guys will probably not have noticed but I have this sort of crush on Jeonghan?”

He says the last part very quickly, afraid of the other boys’ reactions. He expects shocked expressions or exclamations of surprise. What he doesn’t expect is everyone in the room to burst out laughing.

“‘You won’t have noticed’ he says,” Jihoon manages to say in between giggles.

“Oh my God, hyung, and here I was thinking it was something serious,” tells him Wonwoo from where he’s holding his stomach and trying not to fall from the couch.

Soonyoung clasps his shoulder and adds. “Hyung, we’ve known you’re in love with him since, like, high school.”

Minghao nods fervently, so out of breath from laughing that he has fallen back against Mingyu’s leg, his face red. 

Seungcheol looks from one face to another, getting more appalled by the second. “I- How- _What_?” He stutters, which only manages to make them laugh more. Hansol is starting to turn a dangerous shade of crimson. 

“I've never felt more betrayed,” he says to mask his own confusion. What do they mean since high school? Not even Seungcheol knew he was in love with Jeonghan until the very last year of high school, and even then, he had never told anyone, how could they have known?

“It's okay, hyung, if it makes you feel better, he doesn't know because you two are probably the most oblivious people in the entire universe,” says Wonwoo, who has stopped laughing uncontrollably and is now only smirking real big.

“I'm not oblivious!” Seungcheol retorts. He's very aware of everything that goes on around him.

Wonwoo is having none of it, though. “Oh, really? How long have Junhui and I been dating?” he asks smugly. 

Which he has no reason to be because… “Jun and you aren't dating.”

Everyone loses it again. 

“Oh, but see, we are. We have been for almost three months, now.” Wonwoo’s smirk is two tads too arrogant.

“Jeez, I thought you were joking when you said they hadn't realized,” pipes in Hansol from the floor behind the couch. He's been lying there for almost two minutes.

Wonwoo shakes his head. “They're so busy denying each other that they wouldn't even notice if say, Soonyoung and I were in the same room and made out in front of them.”

Soonyoung wiggles his eyebrows exaggeratedly at him. “Is that an invitation?”

Wonwoo's disgusted face is enough to make even Seungcheol laugh. “That couldn't more clearly have been a worst case scenario.”

Seungcheol turns to Wonwoo again. “So you and Junhui?” Wonwoo nods. “And you all knew?” Everyone nods (Hansol says “Yep” from behind the couch).

“It was kind of a running joke, to see how long they could go on without you or Jeonghan hyung noticing,” explains Minghao.

“You heartless bastards.” Seungcheol needs new friends.

“Nothing new,” comments Jihoon. “What is new is you've finally stepped up to Jeonghan and he's rejected you and that's why we're here.”

The mood gets tense once again as Seungcheol looks at Jihoon like he has grown a second head. Hansol even pops his head from behind the couch to make eye contact with Seungcheol.

“That's not what happened, right, hyung?” he asks softly. 

“What? No, of course not. What the fuck, Jihoon?!” Seungcheol _definitely_ needs new friends.

Jihoon just shrugs. “It was worth a try.” 

Hansol looks pointedly at him. “Don't joke with that, hyung, please,” he demands. Then he turns back to Seungcheol. “And you tell us what happened already.” 

_No use trying to hide it anymore,_ Seungcheol thinks. He takes a deep breath, and hopes for the best.

“I might accidentally have kissed him this morning,” he tells his hands in his lap.

Everyone goes quiet or makes some sort of shocked noise.

“What do you mean, accidentally?” Minghao asks, sweetly.

Seungcheol sighs and painstakingly tells them the events of this morning. When he's done, Hansol has wrapped his arms around him from behind the couch and is resting his chin on his shoulder for support, something Seungcheol is very thankful for.

“Well, this is awkward,” Wonwoo comments. Everyone else in the room just nods. “What are you going to do about it?”

Seungcheol makes a frustrated sound. “I don't know, that's sort of why I asked you guys for help.”

Some looks are exchanged in front of him, a silent conversation he can't understand, and finally it's Mingyu who speaks up.

“I don't know if this will help, hyung, but I really think it's worth a shot talking to him about it.”

Soonyoung nods fervently. “You never know, he might like you back and be freaking out as much as you are right now.”

Seungcheol laughs a humorless laugh. Yeah right, as if beautiful, lovely, way too out of his league Jeonghan could ever like him. 

“You know, for once Soonyoung might be right,” Jihoon says, ignoring Soonyoung, who is pretending to have a heart attack at the affirmation. “I say talk to him.”

Seungcheol shakes his head “And what am I supposed to tell him? _Hey, sorry I kissed you this morning but I'm like, super into you?_ ”

Everyone nods. 

“Yes, that sounds about right,” Mingyu says, and everyone expresses their agreement.

Seungcheol sinks on the couch, taking Hansol with him. “You guys are crazy,” he whines against Hansol's arms.

“But it's true!” Minghao intejects. “You like him so much, why not try?”

“Because!” Seungcheol says, as if it's not obvious. “Because he's my best friend and it would ruin everything!”

“But what if it doesn't?” Hansol softly asks in his ear. “What if it's the start of something beautiful instead?”

Everyone nods again.

“I'm sorry, hyung, but I agree with Mingyu and Soonyoung here, too,” Wonwoo says, like his word is final. It usually is. But not this time.

“I'm not going to talk to him about it unless he brings it up,” he decides. “And if he does bring it up, it was a mistake.”

Everyone groans.

“Why are you like this, hyung?” Soonyoung asks.

“Yeah, dude, why do you cockblock yourself?” Jihoon adds.

“Because I want things to be okay!” Seungcheol cries. “And nothing is going to be okay if Jeonghan knows I'm in love with him!”

“Hyung…” Hansol starts.

“No!” Seungcheol cuts him. He's starting to freak out. “It will only complicate everything.”

More glances are exchanged in front of him, and this time he does understand what they're saying, but they are _wrong_. Seungcheol doesn't want their pity or false hopes. He knows there's no way Jeonghan even remotely likes him, so there's no way he's going to confess to him. It was a mistake, period.

“Can we just drop it?” he asks, exhausted all of a sudden. He doesn't want to think about Jeonghan any longer. He spent his entire day doing exactly that, and now he wants a break. “I haven't seen you guys in ages, why don't you update me on your lives?”

It's a weak attempt at a diversion, but luckily everyone silently agrees to let him have this and start filling him in on all the gossip they can think of.

It's not an unpleasant evening, all in all, if Seungcheol ignores the underlying tension his words left on everyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the gang is all here! lets see how the other half are doing


	6. My head is stripped, just like a screw that's been tightened too many times, when I think of you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is my fav chapter in the entire work, it was a lot of fun to write hehet

“... and then he goes _well I didn't think you could reach that note_! The nerve!” Seungkwan nearly hits said note before stuffing a spoonful of strawberry ice cream in his mouth.

“The scoundrel!” Jisoo says, humoring him, before stealing the pint from him and passing it to Jeonghan, who blows him a kiss in thanks.

“He's a jerk,” Seungkwan keeps trash talking one of his teachers as they all get servings of ice cream.

Having the boys over is always a therapeutic experience for Jeonghan. Their banter and gossip always manage to lift his spirits and today is no exception. He fondly watches as Seungkwan keeps complaining to a smiling Seokmin while Chan looks ready to smother him into permanent silence. Junhui silently places his head on his lap and Jeonghan starts petting his hair distractedly as Jisoo makes sure everyone's bowls are full with ice cream. Junhui looks up and opens his mouth, saying a small _ah_ and Jeonghan laughs a bit before feeding him a spoonful.

“Anyway, this has been my week,” Seungkwan concludes with a floriture. Jeonghan adores his little diva of a dongsaeng.

“Sounds stressful,” Jeonghan comments, feeding more of his ice cream to Junhui. It's like having a giant kitten.

“Ugh, tell me about it,” Seungkwan says before trying to steal Chan's ice cream, who makes an offended sound and turns away so that his bowl is out of Seungkwan's reach. Everyone laughs at their little dispute and Jeonghan feels relaxed for the first time today.

“I'm sure it wasn't as stressful as Jeonghan's morning,” Jisoo says, off-handedly, like the little traitorous, soft-spoken Satan's spawn he is. Jeonghan kicks him in the shin, jostling Junhui in the process. 

“Sorry, Junnie,” Jeonghan tells him. He directs a glare to Jisoo. “And you, shut up.”

“Ah, no,” Jisoo says, shaking his head. He accepts the bowl Seokmin offers him and sits beside him on the floor, having been evicted from the couch by Junhui's ridiculously long legs. Good, he deserves it. “You made us all meet up, you're gonna spill the tea.”

“Such perfect meme usage, I will cry,” Seungkwan holds a hand to his chest.

“Soft hours: open,” Junhui murmures, successfully sending everyone into a fit of laughter.

“You guys are so dumb,” Chan shakes his head at all of them, but he is laughing too. Jeonghan's heart grows a bit at the sight.

“It's them, Channie, they are all crazy,” Jeonghan tells him.

“Don't act like you aren't either, hyung,” Chan retorts, making everyone lose it again and Jeonghan pout at him.

“Oh my God, Chan, you savage!” Seungkwan is nearly crying.

“Who did I learn that from?” Chan asks, suddenly the perfect picture of innocence. 

It's all downhill from there. They spend the next fifteen minutes roasting each other and quoting every single meme they can think of in between bites of ice cream. 

Eventually, their laughter dies down, and Seokmin asks “Why was your morning stressful, hyung?”

And Jeonghan adores his sweet, innocent Seokmin, he really does, but sometimes he wishes he would just shut up.

“Yeah, Hannie,” Jisoo says. He's never telling him anything ever again. “Spill the tea, _sis_.”

“I hate you,” he tells him, voice dripping with fake sweetness. Jisoo gives him an equally fake sweet smile. 

“Love you too,” he says.

“Anyway,” Jeonghan stops glaring daggers at Jisoo and turns to the others, who are sitting in front of him on the floor (except Junhui, who is still using him as a pillow) like they are kindergartners and he's about to tell them a fairy tale. “Thank you guys for coming and welcome to _Jeonghan_ _Freaks Out Because Seungcheol Kissed Him._ ”

He tries to play it as a joke, but tragically fails as Seungkwan screeches, Seokmin chokes on a bite of ice cream and Chan nearly drops his bowl. Junhui makes a squealing sound from his lap.

“What the… Oh my God, hyung, breathe,” Seungkwan practically screams as he pats Seokmin's back. He turns to look at Jeonghan with wide eyes. “ _What_?!” he demands.

“Yeah, hyung, what the hell?” Chan asks, looking shell-shocked.

“Tell us, tell us,” Junhui pleads, pulling at his shirt.

And in the middle of all this chaos is Jisoo, smiling his Cheshire grin from ear to ear.

“Everyone, calm down,” Jeonghan tries to placate, to no avail.

“You can't drop this bomb on me and expect me to _remain calm_ ,” Seungkwan says, diva voice making an appearance. Seokmin nods fervently beside him, face a dangerous shade of red, still coughing.

“Tell us, hyung, come on!” Junhui whines, reaching up with his arms and nearly slapping Jeonghan square in the face.

“Fine, but shut up, all of you,” he says, clasping Junhui's hands and pulling them away from his face.

“I didn't say anything,” Jisoo says, shit-eating grin omnipresent.

Jeonghan uses one of Junhui's hands to point at him, “You're the one who has to shut up the most, you traitor.”

Jisoo just shrugs. Jeonghan murder glares at him for a few more seconds before turning to look at a very offended Seungkwan.

“Seungcheol kissed me this morning,” he starts, having a feeling of deja vu from when he explained this to Jisoo earlier today. “He was running late for class and it was barely a peck, I think he didn't realize what he was doing.”

Seungkwan shakes his head, light brown bangs flying. “I don't buy it.”

“I say he knew what he was doing,” Chan adds with stern face. Trust the youngest to be the only one to take this calmly. “You don't kiss people accidentally.”

“That's what I said!” Jisoo claims triumphantly. Jeonghan turns to him and glares and Junhui lifts a hand to point at him without Jeonghan having to say anything, bless him. Jisoo pouts and crosses his arms.

“Stop pretending to be cute,” Jeonghan tells him. “No one likes it.”

Seokmin lifts his hand shily, “What do you plan on doing with the whole Coups hyung situation?” he asks meekly.

Jeonghan sighs, falling back on the couch, busying his hands on Junhui's hair. He needs something to fidget with.

“I have no idea, Seokminie,” he says truthfully. “I don't know what to do with him. It's like every time I start moving on he has to do something to make sure he has all my attention again.”

Everyone nods gravely. They all know what he means. When Jeonghan, Jisoo and Seungcheol started Uni and decided to move in together, all of them had had a similar meeting (minus Junhui, who was a latter addition to their group of friends) where Jeonghan had made the decision to let go of his feelings for Seungcheol. It was for the best, for everyone. 

Living under the same roof as the person you're hopelessly in love with is nerve-racking, and Jeonghan had considered he was already a big enough nervous wreck without having to worry about Seungcheol's every move.

It was a good plan, in theory. Jeonghan started going on dates, some more successful than others; started exploring, discovering himself. And it was good, it really was, except he couldn't make himself grow attached to any of his dates. Yes, he liked them, he was even attracted to some of them, but something was missing. Something that had pretty eyes and a gummy smile and that Jeonghan refused to acknowledge as the source of his problems.

But that had been years ago, and Jeonghan may have failed at his resolution of getting over Seungcheol. It was hard not to when he pulls stunts like this, though.

“Ah, and you were doing so good,” Seungkwan laments. Everyone nods.

“I know, right?” Jeonghan tells the ceiling. “I really thought things with Minhyuk could go somewhere but now it's ruined.”

“I think he does it on purpose,” Junhui says. His hands appear in Jeonghan's peripheral vision when he lifts them to gesticulate as he talks. “Like, every time he sees you go on a potentially good date, he subconsciously tries to sabotage it.”

“Junnie, sweetie, that means he'd have to like me to begin with,” Jeonghan tells him, trying to sound the least sarcastic possible.

Junhui pokes his cheek. “I thought that was established?”

Before Jeonghan can reply with the obvious, Jisoo speaks up. “Oh no, you see, Jeonghan and Seungcheol have this thing where they are both so fucking in love with one another but deny the other's feelings with all that they have.”

“We do not!” Jeonghan nearly yells. “He doesn't like me, okay?”

“That's what he said,” Jisoo says, making Seokmin snort.

“Haha, very funny,” Jeonghan retorts, still looking at the ceiling. “How is it going with Jihoon, by the way?”

He hears, rather than sees, Jisoo getting flustered, but it's enough to bring a satisfied grin to his face. He's not the only one in this house who's harboring unrequited feelings, except Jisoo's aren't unrequited because Jihoon is definitely into him.

“What does that have to do with anything?!” Jisoo asks, clearly affected by the question. Good.

“Oh, I knew I'd noticed something going on with you two,” Seungkwan says, and Jeonghan hears the smirk in his voice. “Can we confirm?” he asks, and Jeonghan knows it's directed at him.

“We can,” he says. “At least from Joshuji's end, but I tell you Jihoonie likes him too.”

“Interesting…” 

“Can you guys shut up?” Jisoo asks, winded. “Last time I checked, this was about Jeonghan's pathetic love life, not mine.”

“It's anybody's game, hyung,” Seungkwan tells him, sickeningly sweet. Jeonghan really adores him.

“Joshua hyung is right, though,” Chan interferes, and Jeonghan's smile disappears. “We should solve one hyung's pathetic love life before starting with the other hyung's pathetic love life.”

“Thank you, Channie,” Jisoo tells him. Like he has any right to.

“Channie, baby, why do you do this?” Jeonghan asks, lifting his head and making puppy eyes at him. “Don't you love your hyung? Does my baby not love me anymore?”

Chan makes an affronted face and shakes his head. “It's not like that.”

“Then why are you siding with your Uncle Joshuji?” Jeonghan goes on, enjoying the look of pure hatred Chan is giving him. This kid is going to kill him one day, but Jeonghan will have his fun first.

“Because I'm tired of hearing you whine about how much Seungcheol hyung doesn't like you when he is so whipped for you all that's missing are some strawberries!” Chan exclaims, making everyone except for the two of them to burst out laughing again.

“Oh my God, he just did _that_ ,” Seungkwan wheezes from the floor.

Jeonghan pouts at him and flops down on the couch again. “You guys are no help at all.”

“Talk to him, hyung,” Seokmin says, still a hint of laughter in his voice.

“Yeah, tell him you like him,” Junhui backs him up. “And then, if you're lucky, he'll kiss you again.”

“But please, keep it PG rated because stress is bad for the baby,” Jisoo adds.

“What baby?” Seungkwan asks.

“Not me,” Chan hurries to clarify.

“Me, I'm the baby,” Jisoo deadpans, and they are all laughing again. Jeonghan is starting to regret inviting them over.

“I won't talk to him about this and much less tell him I like him,” Jeonghan wrecks their little party.

“Awww, come on, hyung, it's about time you two get together!” Seungkwan tells him.

“It's also about time you and Hansol do, but I don't have any grandchildren yet,” Jeonghan shoots back.

“I came out to have a good time and I'm honestly feeling so attacked right now,” Seungkwan whispers.

“Yeah, it's fun, innit?” Jisoo asks sarcastically.

“I have beef on every single one of you so y'all better watch out,” Jeonghan warns.

“He's terrifying when he does this,” Seokmin stage-whispers.

“Hell yeah, I am,” he's also still staring at the ceiling.

“You know, knowing Cheol, he'll probably bring it up,” Jisoo reasons, and he does have a point. “So maybe you're going to have to talk to him about it whether you want it or not.”

“Let's hope he doesn't, then,” he replies. “I'll just treat him as if nothing happened, and if he does bring it up, then we'll talk, but only if he does.”

There's a collective sigh of exasperation. Jeonghan even feels Junhui shaking his head where it rests on his thigh.

“Any objections?” he asks, lifting his head again, staring them all down. Everyone hurries to shake their heads. “Good, now feed me, my children. I want all the hot gossip you can think of. And Junnie, if you think I haven't noticed you and Nonu hiding that you started dating from me, you don't know me at all.”

The boy on his lap goes tense and sends him an ashamed smile. “Oops?”

* * *

The kids leave a while after that, starting with Chan, who very reluctantly gives Jeonghan a hug before waving to everyone, followed by Seungkwan, who blows kisses to them all and finally Seokmin and Junhui when the latter offers to give the younger a ride.

That leaves Jeonghan and Jisoo alone again, and the nerves return.

“You're bouncing again,” Jisoo points out from where he's sprawled out on the couch, phone too close to his face for it to be healthy.

Jeonghan looks down and realizes he's been bouncing his leg anxiously for who knows how long. “Sorry,” he mutters, going back to staring at his notes. He knows he isn't getting anything done tonight, but he can at least pretend.

“Don't apologize to me,” Jisoo says, tapping away on his phone. “Apologize to the neighbors.”

“Shut up,” Jeonghan snaps, but there's no real bite to it. Jisoo does as he's told.

They stay quiet for a while, Jeonghan pretending to study and Jisoo looking at his phone, until the sound of a key turning in the lock makes them both snap their heads up, giving each other looks filled with varying degrees of panic. Jisoo's eyes are open wide and his mouth is doing that thing it does when he's nervous, and Jeonghan is sure he looks like he is ready to jump out the window, because he is.

The door opens and in comes Seungcheol, hair messy and with the sleeves of his button down rolled up to his elbows and Jeonghan can't do this today (or any other day, if he's honest).

Seungcheol stops at the door, halfway through taking off his shoes, when he feels what are possibly Jeonghan and Jisoo's twin laser stares. Jeonghan has been told before that they are terrifying when they stare fixedly at someone, and he guesses this is what they are doing now.

“Uh, hey guys,” he says, looking perplexed. Which is unfair, because he makes the cutest faces when he is confused and this is about the last thing Jeonghan needs now. “Have I done something wrong?”

“No, why?” Jeonghan says, at the same time that Jisoo goes.

“I don't know, have you?”

Jeonghan sends him a dirty look, but Jisoo ignores him and puts on his most innocent face. The snake.

“I mean, you guys were giving me The Look,” Seungcheol says, pointing at the two them. When neither of them replies, he sighs. “You know, The Look! The look you give me when I've done something wrong, like when I forget to do the dishes or something.”

“We do that?” Jisoo asks.

Seungcheol nods, pushing up his sleeves, making Jeonghan's brain short-circuit for a second. “It's kind of terrifying, really,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Amazing,” Jisoo continues, as if he can sense that Jeonghan has currently frozen. Jeonghan telepathically apologizes for calling him a snake.

“Truly mesmerizing,” Seungcheol says, sarcastically, before going to his room. He hasn't once looked in Jeonghan's direction.

Jisoo turns to him with a look that says _is that all?_ and all Jeonghan can do is shrug. He doesn't know if he should feel relieved or disappointed. He mostly just feels anxious. He thinks he’ll sleep for a week after this.

“Do you think he’ll come out or…” Jisoo whispers, crawling on the couch to be closer to Jeonghan.

“Do I look like I can read his mind?” Jeonghan whispers back gesturing at his face to emphasize how lost he is too.

“I don't know, you're the one who's in love with him,” Jisoo tells him with a smirk.

Jeonghan makes a sputtering noise, head darting to the corridor, “Shut it, would you?!”

“Don’t worry, he can’t hear us,” Jisoo says. Jeonghan isn’t so sure about that. They might be whispering, but seeing as Jeonghan’s luck goes, Seungcheol could perfectly have superhuman hearing.

“Still,” Jeonghan pouts at him. This entire situation is proving to be incredibly emotionally draining.

“Listen, Hannie, you either man up and confront him already or you keep pining, and please, for the sake of my sanity, pick the former,” Jisoo pleads, making fake prayer hands at him.

“I already said I wouldn’t, Shua!” Jeonghan whispers furiously. “I don’t want things to be awkward.”

“Oh right, cause things are about to be super normal and totally not tense now,” Jisoo says, voice dripping with sarcasm as he drapes himself over the arm of the couch. “You two are definitely going to act like functional human beings and not be super awkward around each other _at all._ I swear to God, sometimes I’m this close to bashing your heads in together.” 

“Why don’t you ever shut up, oh my God,” Jeonghan tries to kick Jisoo in the face with his sock-clad foot to hide his embarrassment and the fact that Jisoo is _right,_ as much as it pains him to admit it. Jeonghan and especially Seungcheol are the worst dealing with awkward situations. Jeonghan is already dreading ever being alone with Seungcheol in a room again. He stops trying to reach Jisoo’s face with his foot and looks at him dead serious. “You can’t leave me alone with him, Shua.”

Jisoo stares at him for a second, his arms still up from fending Jeonghan’s foot off, and sighs theatrically. “Why do I always end up tangled in all of your messes?” 

Jeonghan gets up and tries to get closer to Jisoo, who pushes his kissy face away. “Because you love me and I’m your most favoritest person on this planet,” he says, voice full of fake sweetness. Jisoo makes a disgusted sound.

“Ew, gross, get your ugly face away from me,” he says, holding Jeonghan at an arm’s distance. Jeonghan pouts exaggeratedly at him.

“You don’t mean that, do you, Joshuji?” he asks.

“I really do,” Jisoo laughs and gives up, letting Jeonghan sit on the couch next to him, arms wrapped around his shoulders and legs resting on his lap. Jeonghan sighs and rests his head on his outstretched arm.

“Why are you so mean to me?”

Jisoo shakes his head and lifts a hand to lightly poke Jeonghan’s forehead, who pulls away with a displeased sound. “Because you’re full of shit. And because you won’t accept that Seungcheol may very strongly like you back.” 

Jeonghan covers Jisoo’s mouth with his hand. “I said shut up!” he whisper-shouts, sending another worried glance at the corridor. “And it’s not true,” he manages to add before Jisoo pulls his hand away.

“What’s so hard to grasp about it, Jeonghan?” he asks, sounding genuinely curious. He places Jeonghan’s hand back on his shoulder. “Why is it such a wild concept for you that he might like you?”

Ah, Jeonghan thinks, Jisoo and his existential questions. Where to begin, how to explain to Jisoo that Jeonghan has such a low opinion of himself that the idea of someone, and not just any someone, someone like Seungcheol, who is caring and good and gentle and totally out of Jeonghan’s league, having feelings for him is foreign and terrifying. The mere thought of Seungcheol, who could have anyone he wanted, who could make anyone fall for him with a wave and a smile, who so easily gives his heart away, choosing the mess that is Jeonghan as the object of his affections is ridiculous and makes no sense at all. 

But how to convey all of this into something that doesn’t make Jisoo worry or pity him?

“Because…” he starts, voice small now. “Because he’s _him_ and I- I am just plain, boring me.”

Jisoo looks at him with that face of his that says he’s not taking any of his bullshit. “I wouldn’t qualify you as neither plain nor boring, but go off I guess.”

“You know what I mean, Shua!” Jeonghan says, exasperated. “He’s so dorky and so smart and so athletic and everyone loves him, and meanwhile I’m here, just some dumbass who would forget to eat if one of you two didn’t remind me to.”

“I think you’re taking the wrong approach to this,” Jisoo tells him. “You have him so idolized it’s stopping you from seeing how great you are, too.”

Jeonghan lets out a huff, blowing his bangs away from his face. “Yeah, right.”

“I’m serious, Hannie,” Jisoo presses on, ignoring his grumpy face. He’s getting harder to faze by the day. “People do like you, you know? How do you explain all the dates you’ve been getting? How do you explain Minhyuk?”

“They only like me cause I’m hot,” Jeonghan says, letting a bit of arrogance seep into his tone. He’s not dumb, he knows people find him attractive, and he actually puts effort into looking nice. But liking him because of his looks and liking him because of who he is as a person are two very different things, and Jeonghan doesn’t think any of his dates has ever gotten past the physical attraction.

Jisoo lets out a laugh. “Conceited much?”

Jeonghan smiles a bit in spite of himself. “What can I say? I look like a snack.”

“You’re impossible,” Jisoo tells him, smiling fondly. Jeonghan likes this Jisoo much better than the sarcastic, teasing one. “Just accept that people might like you not _only_ because you’re hot.”

And it’s so hard to say no to Jisoo when he looks at him with those cat eyes of his and uses his soft, soft voice.

“Fine,” Jeonghan says, dropping his head on Jisoo’s shoulder with defeat. “I am an amazing person and people like me because of my charming personality _and_ dashing looks. Happy now?”

Jisoo makes a sound like he’s considering it and pokes Jeonghan’s side. “Now admit Seungcheol likes you.”

“Never,” Jeonghan says defiantly.

Jisoo sighs and rest his head back against the headrest. “Lord, give me patience.”

Jeonghan disentangles himself from him and pats his thigh as he stands up. “Good luck with that. I’m going to bed.”

“Want me to walk you to class tomorrow so you don’t have to face He Who Shall Not Be Named alone?” Jisoo offers. Despite the fact that Jeonghan has an early class tomorrow and Jisoo’s classes don’t start until the afternoon. Because Jisoo is a blessing despite everything.

“Would you?” he asks, a bit more emotion than he intended getting out.

Jisoo nods. “I’ll set an alarm.”

Jisoo is so great that he doesn’t even try to push Jeonghan away this time when he throws himself at him to hug him tight. “You’re the absolute best.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Jisoo says, patting his back feebly. “I want food,” he says when Jeonghan pulls apart.

He nods. “I’ll take you to that Japanese place you like. My treat.”

Jisoo points at him as if saying _that’s what I’m talking about_ and Jeonghan can’t find it in himself to be annoyed. He quickly picks up his forgotten textbooks and starts marching towards his room.

“Good night, Shua. Thank you,” he tells him, beaming down at him.

Jisoo waves a hand at him. “Good night, see you tomorrow.”

Jeonghan has a hard time falling asleep that night, despite being exhausted from the day’s events. The fact that Seungcheol is not even ten feet away from him in his room, only a thin plaster wall separating them, doesn’t make it any easier for his poor mind to calm down. He didn’t even look at Jeonghan when he came in earlier. What does that mean? Does he regret kissing Jeonghan so much he can’t stand to look at him? Why did he even do that in the first place?

For the first time today Jeonghan stops worrying about the what and focuses on the why. Under which circumstances would Seungcheol (or anyone, for that matter) kiss someone ‘accidentally’? What had he been thinking? Who had he been thinking about? Did he realize it was Jeonghan who he was kissing, and if so, did he do that willingly? He wouldn’t mistake Jeonghan for someone else, right? And if he really did want to kiss Jeonghan, why now? Why like this? It makes no sense. Why give Jeonghan false hope like this? Why make everything awkward? 

Jeonghan hates to admit it, but Jisoo might be right. About everything. About the awkwardness and the hard feelings and about Seungcheol maybe, perhaps, possibly, liking him back. Even the smallest amount. Jeonghan lets himself admit that to himself even if he was unable to admit it to Jisoo earlier. He lets the tiniest flicker of hope light up in his heart. Because Jisoo is right, you don’t kiss someone on accident and Jeonghan is tired of running circles around Seungcheol.

He has to bring it up with him, he knows. They can’t keep up this act much longer. But Jeonghan is a bit of a coward and it’s been a stressful couple of weeks, so maybe he’ll do it another day. He’s always been better acting on whims anyway. He’ll see. For now, he buries his flaming cheeks in his pillow, trying not to let the dangerous feeling in his chest get bigger than he knows how to deal with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. its exactly the minhyuk youre thinking about lmao  
> 2\. the TensionTM  
> 3\. rise confident gay jeonghan rise


	7. Interlude: be gay do crimes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jun said enough

**_Juncat_ ** _ has created the group chat  _ **_ive had enough_ **

**_Juncat_ ** _ has added  _ **_BooBoo_ ** _ ,  _ **_Gyu, Michael Chanson, NaegaHosh, Seokminie☀, Shua, T-H-E to the 8, VerNYOOM, WonUWU_ ** _ and  _ **_Woozi_ ** _ to the group chat _ ****

**Juncat:** alright listen up gays

**Juncat:** were gathered here today cause i talked to nonu and im done w having to deal w their shit

**Gyu:** whose shit?

**Woozi:** do the math mingyu

**Woozi:** junnie i approve of your meddling

**NaegaHosh:** hell

**NaegaHosh:** yeah

**NaegaHosh:** whats the

**NaegaHosh:** plan

**Gyu:** i still dont understand

**Shua:** is this what i think it is

**Shua:** jun you genius

**T-H-E to the 8:** dude how did we not think of this before

**BooBoo:** OH MY GOD MY MEDDLING ASS IS SHAKING

**BooBoo:** I CANT BELIEVE JUN HYUNG OUT-MEDDLED US  _ @NaegaHosh @Seokminie _ **_☀_ **

**VerNYOOM:** is this really a good idea tho

**VerNYOOM:** i kinda feel bad for getting involved

**VerNYOOM:** we should let them figure it out themselves

**Juncat:** vernon my man how has this worked out so far huh

**Woozi:** yeah im sorry to burst your bubble but theyre never getting together if we let them figure it out

**WonUWU:** okay jun filled me in

**WonUWU:** i say lets do it

**Juncat:** you heard my mans

**BooBoo:** tbh we should have done this sooner

**Michael Chanson:** so like

**Michael Chanson:** what do we do

**NaegaHosh:** we get

**NaegaHosh:** them

**NaegaHosh:** wasted and then

**NaegaHosh:** lock them up

**NaegaHosh:** in a room

**NaegaHosh:** preferably with

**NaegaHosh:** a bed ;)

**BooBoo:** ewww gross

**BooBoo:** those are our parents soonyoung

**WonUWU:** actually soonyoung might have a point

**WonUWU:** let the alcohol do its magic

**Shua:** drink water pls

**Woozi:** ill remind you that next time you are too wasted to stay upright

**Shua:** omg jihoonie i thought we were friends :(

**Woozi:** ;-P

**BooBoo:** okaaay………….

**Seokminie☀:** so we get them drunk and lock them up in a closet?

**Seokminie☀:** ironic

**T-H-E to the 8:** wdym

**Seokminie☀:** i mean

**Seokminie☀:** us gays

**Seokminie☀:** locking up them gays

**Seokminie☀:** in a closet

**Seokminie☀:** just smth to think about

**NaegaHosh:** my boyfriend

**NaegaHosh:** the philosopher

**Gyu:** im pretty sure coups hyung is bi tho

**T-H-E to the 8:** *sigh*

**Michael Chanson:** so when do we do this

**Juncat:** after finals

**VerNYOOM:** yes pls lemme die first

**NaegaHosh:** after fibals

**NaegaHosh:** party @ our place

**NaegaHosh:** w lotsa booze

**BooBoo:** do u gays know theres this game called 7 minutes in heaven right

**BooBoo:** like i wasnt the only one who played that in highschool

**VerNYOOM:** omg i cant believe kwannie out-americaned us  _ @Shua _

**Shua:** nonie were a disgrace

**Juncat:** lmao yeah we used to play it all the timw

**Juncat:** i know how to cheat

**Gyu:** O.O how

**Juncat:** wont tell you

**Gyu:** rude

**WonUWU:** okay so the plan is the following:

**WonUWU:** weekend after finals, party at soonyoungs and seokmins place, we make sure they are drunk and junnie makes them choose each other on 7mih 

**WonUWU:** everyone copy?

**Woozi:** aye aye captain

**Michael Chanson:** this is like a bad romcom

**T-H-E to the 8:** pls dont talk about romcoms

**WonUWU:** yeah i second that

**VerNYOOM:** cmon i found it cute

**Shua:** ????

**NaegaHosh:** [attached image] 

**BooBoo:** hes so dramatic

**WonUWU:** ikr

**Seokminie☀:** ours is cuter

**Seokminie☀:** [attached image]

**Woozi:** lmao im w chan he never says ily

**Michael Chanson:** IKR????

**Michael Chanson:** istg being in love makes you dumb

**NaegaHosh:** cant relate

**NaegaHosh:** always been dumb

**VerNYOOM:** tbh i can

**Shua:** mood my man

**BooBoo:** you two wanna like

**BooBoo:** share smth w the group

**Shua:** nope

**VerNYOOM:** nah

**Woozi:** okaaaaaaaaaaay……………….

**Woozi:** anyway

**Woozi:** good job guys

**BooBoo:** gays*

**Juncat:** gays*

**Gyu:** if yalls keep saying things at the same time im leaving

**T-H-E to the 8:** youre such a baby

**Gyu:** awww he called me baby  **❤️**

**Seokminie☀:** *sings exos call me baby*

**Shua:** okay i think its bedtime for yall

**BooBoo:** fINE grandpa

  
**NaegaHosh:** good night gays

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> buckle up gays


	8. Just tell me I am the only one, even if it's not true

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alcohol and unresolved sexual tension enter stage right
> 
> Warning:
> 
> very minor panic attack. it barely lasts a few lines but again, it is there

“Okay,” says Soonyoung, and starts giggling, “Never have I ever want to make out with someone in this room right now.”

Everyone lets out groans or laughs because this is such a typical never-have-I-ever Soonyoung question, grammar be damned and everything. It's the question he always asks when they play just to drink and have an excuse to make out with Seokmin. Seungcheol groans, because as much as he finds Soonyoung and Seokmin stupidly cute he is also jealous of them.

Has Seungcheol ever wanted to make out with someone in this room? Perhaps. Perhaps he has dreamt more than once about pinning a certain blond angel against a wall and kissing him until he forgets everything but Seungcheol's name. Perhaps he would be happy with just one kiss to know if Jeonghan's lips really are as soft as he remembers them to be. Perhaps he is the most pathetic person in the entire universe because they haven't talked about it, _they still haven't talked about it_ , and Seungcheol isn't sure he's going to be able to keep this act up any longer.

So, has Seungcheol ever wanted to make out with someone in this room? Definitely. That's why he drinks. He won't have to give any explanation anyway. And if he looks at Jeonghan and they maintain eye contact as they both knock back what's left of their drinks, well, that's nobody's business.

Wait, Jeonghan is drinking too? Why is he drinking? He isn't supposed to be drinking. And why is he looking at Seungcheol like that? Seungcheol either needs to stop drinking or needs to drink something stronger. 

They do a few more rounds of never have I ever, the usual stuff, but Seungcheol isn't paying attention anymore. He hasn't been able to take his eyes off Jeonghan for the past fifteen minutes, trying to decipher why did Jeonghan drink. 

Jeonghan is dating someone right now, or something like that, Seungcheol has never wanted to know the details of his best friend’s relationships. It's hard enough when he wants to hate the guy but can't because he makes Jeonghan happy. It's hard enough seeing Jeonghan look at him now the way he is supposed to look at his boyfriend and feel everything in him being set on fire. 

“I have an idea!” Yells Junhui from somewhere around Seungcheol's left. “Let's play seven minutes in heaven.”

“What are we, fifteen?” Asks Minghao sarcastically, but his question gets ignored by everyone else, who cheer at Junhui's proposition. Jeonghan nudges Jisoo and sends a pointed look towards Jihoon's direction, which has Jisoo sputtering and nearly pushing him off the couch as Jeonghan laughs maniacally. Weird. 

They (Junhui and a still giggling Soonyoung) quickly set the rules: they are going to write their names on pieces of paper and put them all inside Junhui's cap. One by one they are going to pick a name from the cap and then be locked inside Soonyoung's room and left to their own devices. Just as easy as when they were in high school, just gayer.

Seungcheol doesn't like this. He doesn't like the way Jeonghan keeps looking at him. He doesn't like the way Junhui whispers “I got you” and winks like they have a secret when he comes to take the paper with Seungcheol's name on it. He doesn't like it when Junhui makes a beeline for Jeonghan after everyone has put their name on the cap and he definitely doesn't like it when Jeonghan takes a paper from the cap, reads it, and his shoulders tense.

“Cheol,” he says slowly, and looks directly at him. 

No, Seungcheol doesn't like it when both he and Jeonghan are locked inside Soonyoung's room by a smirking Junhui.

It's dark in the room and Seungcheol wishes he knew where the light switch is because he's starting to feel claustrophobic and he doesn't know where Jeonghan is. He can hear his breathing and feels stupid for finding it comforting.

He needs to say something to let Jeonghan know that this is okay, that he would never take advantage of this situation. Because Jeonghan has a boyfriend and as much as Seungcheol wants him, he is not an asshole.

“They shouldn't make you play this,” he says to the general vicinity of the room. 

Jeonghan's breath hitches. “I didn't stop them,” he replies softly.

Seungcheol hears him move somewhere to his right and then there are small hands feeling his arm blindly. He grabs Seungcheol's arm and Seungcheol can feel him get closer to him. Seungcheol stays still.

“I'm just saying it's not okay for them to-”

“Cheollie,” Jeonghan interrupts him, and it's the same voice he used when they were children and he wanted to get away with something. It's the voice that Seungcheol knows goes accompanied by a pretty pout and a heavy lidded stare. It's the voice Seungcheol can't resist.

“Jeonghan,” he answers weakly.

Jeonghan gets even closer to him, pressing himself to Seungcheol's front, and Seungcheol isn't sure he's going to come out of this room alive.

“Don’t you want to kiss me, Cheollie?” Jeonghan asks, and Seungcheol wishes he could say he sounds very drunk but he doesn't. He sounds petulant and confident and perhaps a bit hopeful and Seungcheol wants to scream.

“I…”

Jeonghan's breath ghosts over his mouth and Seungcheol isn't sure he's breathing anymore. “Yes or no, Seungcheol. Do you want to kiss me?”

A small voice in the back of his head is screaming for him to stop, to push Jeonghan away and avoid the impending doom kissing him would mean. A bigger part of him though, is focused on the press of Jeonghan's body against his, on Jeonghan's hands on his chest, on Jeonghan's breath on his lips, on Jeonghan's smell flooding his senses and leaving him begging for more. A bigger part of him is yelling _fuck it, kiss him already, consequences be damned._ Seungcheol is very good at ignoring the consequences when it comes to Jeonghan.

He barely has time to mumble a desperate _yes_ before they are crashing into each other. Seungcheol isn't sure who initiated it and he doesn't care when Jeonghan is kissing him like his life depends on it. Seungcheol buries his hands in Jeonghan's hair, tilting his head just so, and kisses him back with the force of all the feelings he's been repressing all his life. 

Jeonghan makes a surprised sound at the intensity but immediately gets on board, biting on Seungcheol's lips until he parts them and lets Jeonghan's tongue explore his mouth. It's hot, and it's filthy, and it's the best kiss Seungcheol has ever had. Maybe it's the fact that it's Jeonghan. Maybe it's the fact that he's wanted this since he knew what kissing someone was. Maybe because _this is not allowed_ , and that makes him want it even more.

They somehow find their way to Soonyoung's bed, falling on top of it without separating. Jeonghan straddles his thighs and starts unbuttoning his shirt with expert hands. Seungcheol registers this when he's working on the third button and grabs his hands, breaking away. 

“We can't,” he says, and his voice is a wreck. 

Jeonghan whines, actually whines, and just like that the spell is broken. Seungcheol laughs and presses a kiss to his cheek. He laces their fingers together. “Can you wait till we get home?” He whispers in Jeonghan's ear, and he can't believe himself. 

_This is not allowed!_ Screams the voice in the back if his head, the one that sounds uncannily like Jihoon. _You're not allowed to have this outside this room!_

But the way Jeonghan groans “Fine” and then proceeds to mark his way down Seungcheol's neck until his exposed collarbone, driving him crazy in the process, says otherwise. Seungcheol wants him to stop; he wants him to continue. He wants Jeonghan to wreck him. 

Jeonghan's mouth is working on his pulse point, biting what is probably a massive hickey, when someone bangs on the door.

“Your time’s up, dudes! Let the rest of us get some!” Comes in Soonyoung's drunk voice. 

Jeonghan pulls away after one last playful bite and gets up from Seungcheol's lap. Seungcheol immediately misses him. He also misses the darkness when Jeonghan turns on the light.

“God, you look like a mess,” he says, standing in front of Seungcheol and pushing his bangs away from his face. Of course he'd do that, the little shit.

“Your fault,” he manages to retort, but it has no heat behind it, and he almost loses it when Jeonghan trails a finger up the line of marks he left on his neck.

“They're gonna notice this,” his voice is almost surprised, like he can't fully comprehend where did the marks come from.

“Let's get the hell out of here, then,” says Seungcheol, because he doesn't want to deal with their prying friends, and because he's way too turned on and Jeonghan is giving him the most blatant bedroom eyes ever. 

Jeonghan pulls him up by his still open shirt and plants a kiss hard enough to bruise on his lips. “You're so fucking hot when you swear,” he says.

Seungcheol isn't completely sure what game they're playing yet, but he likes it. Damn the consequences. Let morning Seungcheol deal with the consequences of this. Right now he just wants Jeonghan. He buttons up his shirt in record time and grabs Jeonghan's hand, pulling him out the door. They're met with several hollers and wolf whistles and someone (probably Mingyu) yelling _fucking finally!_ but Seungcheol ignores them all in favor of making for the apartment’s door. Jeonghan laughs behind him and turns.

“We're leaving, kids, have fun without us!” he says as Seungcheol grabs their coats from the hanger. 

“You obviously will!” laughs Junhui. Seungcheol kind of hates all of them at the moment.

He hands Jeonghan his jacket and pulls him out of the apartment, but not before he hears Jisoo say “So, who's adopting me tonight?”

“Idiot,” Jeonghan says behind him. He lets go of Seungcheol's hand to put on his jacket and then they're making out against the elevator door. 

It takes them ridiculously long to get home, mostly because they seem unable to be more than a few seconds apart from each other. When they finally get inside the elevator, Jeonghan punches the button for the lobby before going back to attacking Seungcheol's neck and making him see stars. “Fuck, Jeonghan.”

Jeonghan detaches himself from his neck and gives him a wicked grin.

“That's the idea, yeah,” he says, and bursts out laughing when Seungcheol almost chokes to death on air. He kisses Seungcheol again, surprisingly sweet, and smiles beautifully at him. “You're so cute.”

Seungcheol is extremely confused. Jeonghan just called him hot a few minutes ago and now he's calling him cute. He doesn't know what he's supposed to say. _You too_ ? _I thought I was hot_ ? _Shut up and fuck me already_ ? The last one might be a little too much for the elevator of his friend's apartment block. But then again, Jeonghan started it. He settles for blurting a weak _shut up_ through his blush. Jeonghan giggles and takes his hand, pulling him out of the elevator and into the cold midnight streets.

It's this: flushed cheeks and cold fingers and stolen kisses in dark alleys. Warm yellow light casting shadows on Jeonghan's cheekbones and his breath forming a small cloud when he turns around and smiles at Seungcheol and Seungcheol thinking this -pink cheeks, kissed lips, disheveled hair, the universe in his eyes, the light creating a halo around his head- is the most beautiful Jeonghan has ever looked. It's Seungcheol falling in love all over again as Jeonghan blinks, tilts his head a little and pulls Seungcheol by their joined hands until they're flush together. It's Jeonghan staring up at him with a smile that puts every other smile to shame and meeting him halfway for a kiss that's more them smiling against each other's lips than it is anything else. It's them making it home and falling into Jeonghan's bed in a tangle of limbs, giggling like giddy teenagers as they undress each other like they've got all the time in the world. It's exploring the other's body reverently and it's Jeonghan moving in him slowly and sweetly in a way that feels too much like making love to someone is supposed to feel. It's soft words and soft touches afterwards, adoring gazes and feather kisses. It's falling asleep to the sound of Jeonghan's breathing and the feeling of his heartbeat against his own. 

* * *

Light hits Seungcheol's eyes in a strange angle and he groans. He must have forgotten to close the curtains yesterday. The light makes the headache starting to form in his temples worse, so he rolls over in an attempt to block it and finds himself face to face with one very asleep Yoon Jeonghan. He almost falls from the bed. Luckily, it would take an earthquake to wake Jeonghan, so he doesn't move an inch when Seungcheol jumps in fear. Suddenly the light in his eyes makes much more sense. This is Jeonghan's room and Jeonghan's bed and Jeonghan's (very naked) sleeping form next to him.

 _This isn't happening to me_ , he thinks as he watches Jeonghan's chest rise and fall rhythmically with every breath he takes. There's a hickey on his right collarbone and a few more on his chest and Seungcheol refuses to think about their origin. He also refuses to acknowledge that the contrast of the red purplish bruises against Jeonghan's marble skin is beautiful enough to be in a museum. _What the hell have you done, Choi_.

He's thinking about how much money it would take him to fly himself out of the country when Jeonghan lets out a sigh and his eyes flutter open. He blinks one, two, three times and then fixes his eyes on Seungcheol's panicked ones. And fuck if this isn't the most breathtaking thing Seungcheol has ever seen. 

“Hey,” Jeonghan says, his voice raspy from sleep, and a lazy smile stretches across his face. Nobody should look this beautiful after they've just woken up but somehow Jeonghan manages to keep breaking all the rules. 

“Hi,” Seungcheol replies, breathless. He doesn't know what he's supposed to do. Does he stay? Does he leave? Does he ask Jeonghan about last night? He remembers most of it but does Jeonghan?

Jeonghan, apparently, already has plans for him because he wraps his arm around Seungcheol's chest and buries his face in the crook of his neck. Seungcheol stays impossibly still as Jeonghan places the smallest of kisses there before sighing in contentment. Seungcheol is not sure he has breathed for the past minute.

“Stop thinking so hard, I can hear you going crazy,” Jeonghan says. _You do that to me_ , Seungcheol thinks.

Instead he says “What am I supposed to do, then?”

“Cuddling me would be great,” Jeonghan says in a pouty voice. His lips brush against Seungcheol's skin and he feels goosebumps spread from there. Cuddling Jeonghan does sound amazing and, if he's honest, he wants nothing more than to bury his face in Jeonghan's hair and pretend this is a normal thing that is allowed and not some sort of too-vivid pipe dream. 

But it isn't. This isn't normal. Things haven't been normal for so long and Seungcheol is done playing hide and seek with Jeonghan. Delicately, he unwraps Jeonghan from him and sits both of them up, facing each other. Jeonghan's face is serious, not a hint of the mock anger he would have normally displayed at being manhandled like that and that's how Seungcheol knows he knows.

“We need to talk about last night,” he says quietly. He doesn't want to scare Jeonghan off, but he also doesn't want him to try and find his way out of this. This is a conversation they have needed to have for months.

He expects Jeonghan to try to brush it off or to play dumb, ask _what about it_ or say it means nothing. What he doesn't expect is Jeonghan to practically break down crying. He brings his knees to his chest and hides his face there as he sobs silently.

Seungcheol is confused for exactly two seconds before he kicks into _Jeonghan is having a panic attack_ overdrive and tries to calm him down. He's got this down to a an art, really; it's absurd how easy it is for him to bring Jeonghan back. It takes a few minutes but he manages to make him breathe normally and let Seungcheol cradle him against his chest. He rocks them back and forth slowly as he caresses Jeonghan's hair.

“Shh… Shh… It's okay, I'm not mad at you. It's okay, we're okay, yeah? I need you to breathe for me, please…” he's recited some variation of this same chant so many times he could practically do it in his sleep.

“I'm so sorry,” Jeonghan whispers eventually, and it breaks Seungcheol's heart. He starts babbling. “I started it and you didn't stop me and I know that's not an excuse but it looked like you wanted this too and I'm sorry because that's clearly not the case and I'm an asshole who took advantage of you and now you hate me and I'm so sorry and…”

“Hannie,” Seungcheol tries to cut him off but Jeonghan's rambling seems unstoppable. He grabs Jeonghan's face and forces him to look Seungcheol in the eye, effectively shutting him up with the movement. “Yoon Jeonghan, I don't know which rock you have been living under, but there's no way in the world I would not want you.”

Jeonghan's eyes go comically wide at this statement and his mouth opens in a silent, perfect _o_ , and really, Seungcheol is in love with a child. “Oh.”

Seungcheol can't help but smile like a fool at the ridiculousness of it all. Here they are, practically naked (they're both in their underwear, Seungcheol has registered at some point) in Jeonghan's bed after having had sex and Jeonghan has had a panic attack, both too emotionally stunned to admit that this thing there is between them, this unspoken tension that has been going on for ages, is no longer friendship but something else, something deeper that they are too afraid to name. Or perhaps not, he thinks as he swipes his thumb along Jeonghan's cheekbone, wiping away the wetness there, perhaps they are not afraid to name it, but afraid of what naming it would actually imply.

“Cheol,” Jeonghan says softly, and that's how Seungcheol knows they are going to be okay. Because Jeonghan is looking at him with stars in his eyes and saying his name like it holds the key to everything, and Seungcheol's heart has been his since the beginning. 

“Hannie,” he says back, not fighting back a smile so big it hurts, because there's no point in hiding how he feels when Jeonghan is smiling just as big as he is.

“Can I kiss you?” Jeonghan asks, and Seungcheol can't help the small chuckle that escapes him because of course he'd ask that. Of course his life is still a romcom.

“Please.”

Jeonghan's kiss is soft like summer rain. He leans in slowly and Seungcheol has his eyes closed before their lips even touch. It's nothing like their kisses last night. Last night was about want and need and desire. This kiss is sweet like the strawberries Jeonghan loves, slow like a Sunday morning. It's filled with the words they haven't said, the words they will say. It's filled with promise and the knowledge that this won't be the last. 

It's over too soon and it somehow lasts a lifetime at the same time. They are both smiling when they part and Seungcheol has never seen a more beautiful being than Jeonghan. His smile makes the sunlight seem pale in comparison and his skin is soft and warm and Seungcheol wouldn't be surprised if someone told him Jeonghan is actually made of stardust and moonlight. Seungcheol is bursting at the seams as Jeonghan wraps himself around him again. _I love you so much_ , is all he can think, but he's not sure if it's the right time to say it. 

Jeonghan beats him to it. “How long have you liked me?” he asks Seungcheol's neck. He's spent a lot of time there, recently, not that Seungcheol is complaining or anything, though. 

“How long have I liked you? Probably since you barged into my yard and took control of my entire life,” he says, hoping that his light tone hides how serious he is. Jeonghan laughs and Seungcheol feels it ringing in his chest.

“Don’t be a sap,” Jeonghan says, hitting his chest. “I’m sure you had an _oh my God I like Jeonghan so much_ moment, ‘cause that’s just how your brain works.”

Seungcheol loves being known so well. He pinches Jeonghan’s side for his cheekiness, though. “Fine,” he says over Jeonghan’s offended squeal. “Senior year of highschool, the summer you spent at your grandparents’ place. You were gone and I became the most useless dumbass because I missed you _so much_ , it was ridiculous, really. And at first I was like _he's your best friend, of course you miss him_ , but then you came back and I was so relieved to see you and I realized it was pretty much me having this crush on you and not realizing until then.”

It should be embarrassing, really, to be telling Jeonghan this, but Seungcheol can't find it in himself to care. Not when he's lying against the headboard of Jeonghan's bed with Jeonghan in his arms laughing against his chest. 

“You're so stupidly cute,” he says cupping his cheeks with his hands, and Seungcheol doesn't blush. “Remember when we were seventeen and I told you I had realized I was gay because I found I had a crush on a guy?”

Seungcheol remembers that night as vividly as it had been yesterday. “I do.”

“It was you,” Jeonghan whispers in his ear, sending a shiver down Seungcheol's spine. He's always had a flair for the dramatic, but this, Seungcheol thinks, is overdoing it a little. “I freaked out because not only was I gay, but I had a crush on my very straight best friend and of course, the only logical thing to do was come out to said best friend. Seventeen-year-old Jeonghan wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer.”

“I think seventeen-year-old Jeonghan was very brave for doing that,” Seungcheol replies truthfully, running his fingers up and down Jeonghan's back.

Jeonghan hides his face on Seungcheol's neck again. “Shut up,” he says, but Seungcheol knows he's smiling.

And then a thought makes his mood turn sour. “Wait,” he says as his heart speeds up in his chest. Jeonghan must notice, laying on his chest as he is. 

“What’s wrong?” he mumbles (Seungcheol can't believe someone can fall asleep so easily and yet Jeonghan still does it every time).

“What about Minhyuk?”

Jeonghan shifts a bit. “What about him?”

“You know what,” says Seungcheol, because Jeonghan knows he cheated as well as Seungcheol does and Seungcheol hates being a part of this. 

“As a matter of fact, I don't,” Jeonghan is still playing dumb, which means that he doesn't want to talk about the topic. Seungcheol does.

“Aren't you dating him?” he asks, but what he really wants to ask is: why are you dating him and not me if you’ve liked me for so long?

Jeonghan taps his fingers against Seungcheol's chest pensively. “Oh, I'm not.”

Seungcheol's heart triple flips in his chest. “What?” He wants Jeonghan to look at him but he refuses to leave the safety of Seungcheol's neck.

“I never did.”

His heart is doing cartwheels now. “ _What?_ ”

Jeonghan sighs and lifts his head. Seungcheol is surprised to see that his cheeks are slightly pink. “I never dated him or any of the others. I just… I tried, but I couldn't bring myself to like them the way I was supposed to like them - the way I like you.”

He says the last few words almost whispering, his cheeks now fully blushing, eyes not meeting Seungcheol's and Seungcheol's heart is about to burst from how much he loves this boy. Because Jeonghan isn't dating anyone! He never has been! Which means that…

“Jeonghan.” 

Said boy perks his head at the urgent tone in Seungcheol's voice. His eyes open wide in a silent question. “Yeah?”

Seungcheol takes his hand and holds it in between both of his. Jeonghan’s eyes get a bit brighter (if that's even possible). This might not be the way he imagined this happening, but hell, Jeonghan is here and looking at him like that, so it's perfect. The question can't leave his mouth fast enough. “Will you be _my_ boyfriend?”

Jeonghan's smile is something of a miracle in itself. To some, it might seem like an ordinary smile (there's always been those unable to appreciate beauty); a small but pretty thing, a quick flash of teeth - those are the smiles that most people receive from Jeonghan. Jeonghan's true smile, though, the one that he reserves for those he really cares for, is a wonder to behold. The way it blossoms (there's really no other word for it, it just opens on his face like the most beautiful flower) and lights up his whole face makes the moon and the stars in the sky feel jealous because they know they'll never be half as bright as Yoon Jeonghan. 

That's the smile that Seungcheol is met with before Jeonghan is nodding enthusiastically and saying. “Yes, _yes,_ yesyesyesyes, yes I'll be your goddamn boyfriend, I thought you'd never ask.”

Seungcheol laughs at the stupidity of this entire situation. “You could have asked too, you know?” 

“Me?” Jeonghan looks genuinely confused by this concept. Seungcheol pecks his nose. (Because he can! This is allowed!)

“Yes, you, dumbass.”

* * *

Soft afternoon light washes over Jeonghan's left side (Seungcheol wants to say his good side but really, that's every side of Jeonghan, who is he trying to kid) as he lays on top of Seungcheol's chest, sleeping peacefully. One single person shouldn't be able to sleep this much, but Seungcheol is starting to think that his boyfriend (Jeonghan, his boyfriend!) is part koala. 

They have managed to move from the bedroom to the living room, Jeonghan turning on the TV as Seungcheol rummages through the kitchen cupboards to try and find them some decent food. They end up eating cereal and watching We Bare Bears like the responsible adults they are. 

Then, when both bowls are discarded on the floor and the TV is playing boring commercials, Jeonghan turns to him with a glint in his eyes and climbs into his lap to kiss Seungcheol stupid. And when he gets tired he pushes Seungcheol flat on the couch, makes himself comfortable against his chest and falls asleep without any care in the world. Seungcheol is sure he'd purr if he were a cat.

Jeonghan sighs contentedly in his sleep as Seungcheol cards his fingers through his hair and he can't stop the sound that comes out of his mouth because right now he just looks adorable. He's wearing one of Seungcheol's shirts, that's just a little too big on him, and his bare legs tangle with Seungcheol's. His hair is messy and smells so good that Seungcheol could get high only on that. _You're a goner, Choi Seungcheol._

That's how Jisoo finds them when he comes home: Jeonghan sleeping and clutching Seungcheol's shirt and Seungcheol making heart eyes at him. “Tell me I can say finally, because I'm going to be very mad at both of you if you haven't gotten your shit together.”

Seungcheol looks up from Jeonghan's sleeping face to look at Jisoo. He looks tired, but that could be the fact that Seungcheol is looking at him upside down. “Oh, hey, Shua.”

Jisoo gives him a _look_ and hangs his coat by the door. “Don't you _hey Shua_ me, Cheol.”

Seungcheol laughs softly, trying not to wake Jeonghan up. “You can say finally.”

“Congratulations, but I'm gonna kill both of you,” says Jisoo with a smile. He comes over to the back of the couch and bumps fists with Seungcheol. With a movement of his head towards Jeonghan, he asks. “Is he sleeping?”

Seungcheol turns to look adoringly at said boy again. “Yeah.”

Jisoo shakes his head fondly and Seungcheol has to agree. “I'm going to take a shower.”

“The bathroom is all yours. Where did you stay last night, by the way?” Seungcheol asks as he plays with the hem of Jeonghan's sleeve.

Jisoo's cheeks turn the lightest shade of pink as he says. “Oh, at Jihoon's…”

Which causes Jeonghan's head to perk up as the previously sleeping boy screams. “ _At Jihoon's?_ ” Causing both Seungcheol and Jisoo to nearly die of a heart attack.

“Jesus Fucking Christ, Jeonghan,” Jisoo looks like he's almost been hit by a train.

“How long have you been awake?” Seungcheol asks, lowkey out of breath, partly because of the jumpscare and partly because Jeonghan is sitting on his stomach now.

Jeonghan turns to him with a guilty smile. “Like, the whole time. You're so cute, by the way.”

Seungcheol hides his face with his hands, feeling his cheeks heat up. “Oh my God.”

Jeonghan pets his head in a display of fake pity. “ _You_ ,” he tells Jisoo. “Have a lot of explaining to do.”

Jisoo makes a strangled noise and shakes his head fervently. “I do not.”

Jeonghan looks pointedly at him. “Shua,” he says, in that tone that Seungcheol knows oh so well, the _I want something and I want it now_ tone. 

Jisoo doesn't waver, though. Seungcheol admires him for that. But there's one thing he still doesn't understand.

“Uh, Hannie,” he says, unsure. Jeonghan turns his attention to him again.

“Yeah?”

“Why is Shua sleeping at Jihoon's such a big deal?” he feels a bit stupid for asking, since clearly it's something the other two find very relevant, but he truly has no clue.

Jeonghan looks at him for a moment with a blank expression before bursting out laughing. Seungcheol sends a helpless look to Jisoo, who just shakes his head. 

“What?” he asks. “What is so funny?”

Which only makes Jeonghan giggle even more. “Oh God,” he breathes. “You really are cute.” 

Seungcheol pouts. “I'm not.”

Jeonghan coos at him. “Awww babe, you are.”

And Seungcheol doesn't blush because, okay, they're doing this, pet names and all. Jeonghan doesn't even notice the effect that one simple word has had on Seungcheol, too busy laughing at him. 

“Our Jisoo here,” he explains when he's calmed down a bit. “Has had the biggest crush on Jihoon since, like, three years ago. It's a bit embarrassing, really.”

“Look who's talking, the king of embarrassing crushes,” Jisoo shoots back. Jeonghan turns a pretty shade of red.

“Shut up,” he hisses.

“That's cute,” Seungcheol says smugly. Payback is one hell of a bitch. 

Jeonghan sends him a betrayed glance. “You too, oh my God. Why are you ganging up on me?”

“Because we're done with you bullying us,” Jisoo says.

“That's not bullying, it's me showing affection,” Jeonghan grumbles, crossing his arms. “And anyway, this isn't about me, it's about Joshua.”

Now that he knows what everything is about, Seungcheol has to agree that this is, in fact, very important. And so, he sides up with his boyfriend (he's never tiring of calling Jeonghan that). “Yeah, Shua, tell us what happened.”

Jeonghan looks appreciatively at him and Seungcheol winks in reply, to which Jeonghan turns away, blushing. Seungcheol is getting better at this flirting thing. 

Jisoo keeps his cool for about ten seconds before he deflates and leans against the couch. Jeonghan takes advantage of the closeness and hugs him. Jisoo lets himself be held and sighs. “Absolutely nothing happened. I told you he doesn't like me, Hannie.”

Jeonghan shakes his head, serious. “I tell you he does, he's just dense as a brick.”

Seungcheol feels a pang in his chest when Jisoo just sighs again and makes a little sound. He's not used to seeing him like this and, if he's honest, it hurts. He offers a hand (the most he can do with Jeonghan’s weight still trapping him against the couch) for support and squeezes Jisoo's hand when he takes it. He feels so useless right now, not having noticed any of this before. Wonwoo is right, he really is the most oblivious person on the planet.

He tries to muster up some comforting words anyway. “I know I'm not the best person to be giving you advice cause I clearly suck at this,” he starts and meets Jeonghan's eyes over Jisoo's shoulder. _Keep going,_ they say. And so he does. “But I know Jihoon and I know he's about as good at relationships as I am, so maybe Jeonghan is right and he just needs time to figure out if he feels anything for you.”

Jeonghan gives him a thankful look as he hugs Jisoo closer. “You know I'm always right, don't you?” he says softly, not a trace of the usual arrogance that would have accompanied such a statement. 

Jisoo sniffles minutely. “I do.”

Jeonghan squeezes him one last time before pulling away and looking him in the eye. He smiles reassuringly at Jisoo. “Good. Now you go take that shower because I won't cuddle you if you smell like that.”

Both Seungcheol and Jisoo laugh at that, and Jisoo nods before disappearing into the corridor. Jeonghan looks after him with a worried look. Seungcheol hates seeing the two people he cares about the most in the world suffering like this.

“Hey,” he didn't intend it to come out so softly, but it does. Jeonghan directs his worried glance towards him. Seungcheol taps his chest. “Come here.”

Jeonghan all but melts against him as Seungcheol hugs him close. It's not an ideal position, but neither of them care. Seungcheol pushes Jeonghan's hair behind his ear (to no use, because it's too short to stay there now, but old habits are hard to kick).

“I hate seeing him like this,” Jeonghan mutters in Seungcheol's ear. He sounds so small it shatters Seungcheol’s heart.

“I know, I do too.” He rubs circles against Jeonghan's back and feels him relaxing slowly.

They stay quiet for a while, the sound of the shower in the background being the only thing that breaks the silence. Eventually, Jeonghan pushes back and holds himself up against Seungcheol's chest, one of his hands finding Seungcheol's cheek and staying there, his thumb tracing the curve of Seungcheol's lips.

“Thank you,” he whispers. Seungcheol can't do anything but look up at him, starstruck. “You were really good at knowing what to say.”

Seungcheol kisses the pad of Jeonghan's thumb, earning him a small smile from the other boy. “So were you,” he whispers back.

Jeonghan's eyes are soft when he meets them and Seungcheol thinks that _this_ is Jeonghan's best side. The soft-spoken, afraid yet determined boy, who will do anything for his friends and who _cares so much_ but won't let the world bring him down. It's the kid who used to have breakdowns because he thought he was undeserving of love, but _stronger_ , because he's lived through that and come out kind and caring and good, and Seungcheol loved him then and he loves him now, and will probably never stop loving him. 

“We are good at this parenting thing,” Jeonghan says jokingly, acknowledging their friends’ inner joke to call them the parents of the group. It's not the first time he's done it, but it somehow means something different now. Seungcheol ignores the way his heart skips a beat.

“Damn right.” 

Jeonghan smiles against his lips when he pulls him closer to kiss him.

* * *

They end up having a sleepover in the living room. 

Jeonghan brings all the pillows from his room and Seungcheol makes a blanket fort and they spend the evening watching Jisoo's terrible sitcoms and eating all the sweet food they have. They fall asleep in a heap of limbs, Jisoo sandwiched in between Jeonghan and Seungcheol, and when they wake up they are all aching from sleeping in a bad position, but Jisoo looks a lot happier, so Seungcheol counts it as a win. And if he's to judge by the relieved expression on Jeonghan's face, he does too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> boyfriends exit stage left
> 
> end of idiot plot


	9. I will shield you from the waves, if they find you, I will protect you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> start of unnecessary fluff

It's the fifth consecutive rainy day and Jeonghan is ready to tear his own hair off. If the world hates him, why can't it show it in another way? The rain beating against his window doesn't answer. Typical. And it's not just the rain (although it does do a lot to make his gloomy mood worse), it's Jisoo practicing for his damn audition, and the sense of utter worthlessness Jeonghan gets every time he looks at his unwritten paper, and the leaking shower head that's slowly driving him crazy, and it's Seungcheol's absence making him feel cold and empty.

The stupid idiot has been out every single evening this week for track practice, coming home soaking wet and drenching Jeonghan's pillow with his wet hair when he gets into bed.  _ Fuck that track semifinal _ , Jeonghan wants to scream,  _ you'll catch pneumonia!  _ But then Seungcheol kisses him and tells him (again) how excited he is about the semifinal and Jeonghan can do nothing but nod and kiss him back.

So, it's pouring outside, Jeonghan is useless, and Seungcheol isn't home.

“He should be back soon,” says Jisoo, startling him. Jeonghan didn’t hear him stop playing guitar, much less come into his room. 

“Why do you think I’m worried about Seungcheol’s whereabouts?” he says petulantly, and yes, maybe he used a big word to make himself feel better, but nobody needs to know.

“Because it’s raining cats and dogs and you’ve got your mom face on. Besides you said  _ whereabouts. _ ” Jisoo is prettier when he shuts up, in Jeonghan’s opinion. He pouts.

“I don’t have a mom face,” he denies. There’s no such thing as a ‘mom face’ to begin with, and if there was, he'd have a 'dad face’, thank you very much.

Jisoo laughs at him. “But you do! It’s the face you make when you get all worried about our health, like when Chan says he hasn’t slept and you throw a fit.”

“He’s a baby, okay? He needs to sleep!” Everyone in this group of friends is a heartless asshole.

“Jeonghan, he’ll be 20 next year,” Jisoo says softly, but with a smirk.

“Your point being...”

“You worry too much,” Jisoo admonishes, which is a lie. “So stop worrying about Seungcheol, okay? He’ll come home in a bit and then you guys will probably scar me emotionally for life again.”

Jeonghan feels his ears go red. “That was  _ one time _ .”

“Sure, but I’m never sitting on that armchair again.”

“I hate you,” Jeonghan says truthfully.

“You love me,” Jisoo corrects him. “Now stop sulking and finish your paper,” he says as he walks out the door.

“I’m not sulking!” Jeonghan shouts after him.

“I’m sure you’re not!” replies Jisoo from the bathroom.

“Idiot,” Jeonghan says to himself, but he knows Jisoo is right. He needs to stop worrying about Seungcheol, he’s a grown man who can take of himself, after all. 

* * *

“You can’t take care of yourself!” Jeonghan practically shrieks when the inevitable happens and Seungcheol comes home that night coughing his lungs out and running an impressive fever.

Seungcheol coughs in response, water falling on the floor from his dripping wet hair. Jeonghan is going to kill him. “But babe-”

“No  _ but babes _ ,” Jeonghan cuts him. “You’re a dumb idiot who can’t look after himself. Go take these off now!” he says motioning at Seungcheol’s wet clothes. 

Jeonghan sounds angry, but he’s really just worried to death. He feels sorry when Seungcheol sadly drips his way to his bedroom, but then he remembers how hot his skin felt to the touch and feels righteous again. He brought this on himself.

“I’m never listening to you again,” he hisses as he walks past Jisoo on his way to the bathroom.

“Contrary to popular belief, I’m not always right!” Jisoo tells his back. 

Jeonghan ignores him and turns on the hot water on the tub. He mentally calculates how much a bath is going to cost them and decides he can bear showering twice a week for a couple of weeks. He leaves the temperature of the water warm but not too hot, like his mother used to do when he was little and leaves the tap running as he goes to Seungcheol’s room.

“Cheol-ah…” he sing-songs, a sweet contrast to his harsh words earlier. He uses this tone in part because he feels sorry for screaming at him before, but also because he knows Seungcheol hates being treated like a baby and what Jeonghan is about to do is basically baby him around. He knocks softly on the door before opening it slightly, poking his head in.

Seungcheol is sitting on his bed in his pajamas, looking at his phone, wet clothes forming a pile on the floor. Jeonghan musters all the nerve he can not to yell at him again for that. “Seungcheollie, will you come into the bathroom, please?”

Seungcheol lifts his head and looks at him, a hurt expression on his face. “Will you scream at me again if I don’t?”

Jeonghan really is a bad person. He comes into the room and sits next to him on the bed, taking his hands.

“I’m sorry that I screamed at you earlier, I’m an asshole when I get angry.” Seungcheol tries to say something but Jeonghan doesn’t let him. “But I’m not angry, okay? I just care about you so much and since you take so very little care of yourself I'm going to take care of you from now on.”

Seungcheol’s cheeks get a bit red at that and he looks away. “You don’t need to treat me like a baby…”

Jeonghan laughs and kisses his knuckles. He’d like to kiss him properly, but he’s not that stupid yet. “I mean, you’re basically a big baby anyway…”

Seungcheol pouts. “I’m not!”

Jeonghan’s heart melts. Does he even know how cute he looks right now? “Babe,” he says, trying not to laugh, or coo at him, or kiss him. “You are.”

Seungcheol pouts even more and Jeonghan is about to give in and kiss him when he starts coughing again. Right, the cold.

In his best coercing voice Jeonghan says “I need you to go to the bathroom because I’m running you a bath. I think there’s some take-out ramen left in the fridge so I’ll heat that up and you’re gonna eat it and then you’ll take some tablets and you’ll go to sleep, okay?”

Seungcheol is ready to protest but Jeonghan covers his mouth with a hand. “ _ Yes, Jeonghan. Thank you, Jeonghan. You’re the best boyfriend ever, Jeonghan _ ,” he says in a high-pitched voice that sounds nothing like Seungcheol’s. Seungcheol gives him a dirty look. Jeonghan presses a kiss to his own hand, the closer he’ll come to kissing Seungcheol for now. “Shut up and go take that bath before I flood the bathroom, you dumbass.”

He takes his hand away and has to stifle a giggle when the first thing Seungcheol does is stick his tongue at him. They really are both children. “Fine, but I’m not a baby.”

“You are,” Jeonghan retorts suppressing a fit of laughter. “Go take your bath, baby.”

Seungcheol looks at his lap. “I know that’s supposed to be a joke but it’s actually kinda hot when you call me that,” he admits in a low voice.

Jeonghan's brain registers this information slower than it should have. He knows Seungcheol likes it when he calls him pet names, but this blatant admission changes the game to everything. Suddenly Jeonghan has a new way of getting Seungcheol to do what he wants.

He raises an eyebrow and puts on his best seductive voice. “Is that so?” he asks slowly. Jeonghan watches as Seungcheol looks at him again, eyes open wide and earnest. He nods. 

“In that case…”

He scoots closer to Seungcheol and straddles his thighs, draping his arms over Seungcheol's shoulders. He makes sure to look at Seungcheol with his best suggestive eyes. The way Seungcheol's hands fly to his hips is indicative enough of how much this is working.

Jeonghan leans in slowly, making a show out of licking his lips, until they're barely inches apart. He can see Seungcheol gulp in anticipation and he won't admit it out loud, but he's actually enjoying this. “Go take that bath,  _ baby _ .”

He doesn't even use a too commanding voice, but the effect the words have on Seungcheol is immediate. He whines and tries to kiss Jeonghan, who saw this coming and pulls away on time. Seungcheol squeezes his hips in protest.

“This isn't fair,” he groans against Jeonghan's neck. Jeonghan shivers when his hot lips touch his skin. He runs a hand through Seungcheol's damp hair.

“Life isn't fair, baby,” he says softly, and  _ damn _ , Seungcheol really likes being called that, because he bites on Jeonghan's neck and Jeonghan might not be as in control of the situation as he thought he was if the surprised gasp he lets out is any indicative. Damn Seungcheol and his magical mouth. 

Seungcheol doesn't leave it at that, he keeps working on Jeonghan's neck slowly, making him lose his determination bite by small bite. One of his hands travels up Jeonghan's shirt and Jeonghan's hands tighten involuntarily on his hair when Seungcheol's nails dig slightly on his skin. He's about to give in when there's a banging on the door.

Jisoo stands there, a hand covering his eyes and the other still raised. “You guys stop screwing and go turn off the water,” he says before turning around and practically running away. Jeonghan falls against Seungcheol's chest in a fit of giggles. 

“Oh my God,” Seungcheol mutters above him, and he doesn't need to look to know he's beet red.

“I told you you had to take that bath,” Jeonghan says, because he is a bit of an asshole after all.

Seungcheol groans and pushes him off his lap. Jeonghan falls on the bed with an undignified squeal. “Fine, I'll take the damn bath!”

Jeonghan laughs as he reluctantly gets up and walks to the bathroom. 

* * *

Seungcheol spends three days in bed due to fever. The first two days are rough, with Jeonghan having to stay home to take care of him, but he manages to eat and catch up on a bit of classwork. The third day is a nightmare. Seungcheol wakes up burning, and when Jeonghan asks him, he says he’s aching all over. 

“Hannie, I won’t be able to compete if I’m like this,” he croaks, lower lip wobbling dangerously.

It breaks Jeonghan heart to see him suffering like this because of his semifinal, even if that’s what put him in this situation. He sits on the edge of Seungcheol’s bed and pushes his sweaty bangs out of his eyes. He caresses Seungcheol’s face in an attempt to soothe him. “You’ll be okay soon, love,” he says in his best calming voice.

Seungcheol’s lip juts out a little more and his eyes soften. “Can you lie with me for a while?”

And really, how can Jeonghan say no to those puppy eyes. He gets under the covers with him and tries not to wince at just how hot it feels in there. Seungcheol immediately wraps himself around Jeonghan and sighs in contentment. Jeonghan goes back to petting his hair. He thinks Seungcheol has fallen asleep until he mumbles “Tell me a story.”

It catches Jeonghan off guard. He doesn't know what story to tell Seungcheol. A fairy tale? He's not a child. Does he make something up? He doesn't have that much imagination. Just as he's thinking of telling Seungcheol he doesn't know any stories an idea starts to form in his mind.

“Remember when we were sixteen and my dad gave me his old camera?” he whispers against Seungcheol's hair. Seungcheol hums in affirmation. “We went out to try it by the river and I told you I was only taking pictures of the view, but then you found that puppy and you kept making all these faces and you looked so cute and I was already so whipped that I ended up taking more pictures of you than anything else. I still have them.” 

His cheeks are burning by the time he finishes speaking, and he's lucky that Seungcheol can't see it. In fact, Seungcheol isn't saying anything and Jeonghan is worried he has come out as creepier than he intended. “I'm sorry. If you think it's inappropriate, I'll delete them.”

Seungcheol moves away when he hears that so that he can look at Jeonghan. His cheeks are also flushed, but Jeonghan is pretty sure it's because of the fever. Instead of saying  _ yes, what the hell, you creep  _ he says “Can I see them?”

Jeonghan stares at him stupidly for two seconds. “Now?”

Seungcheol smiles, a tiny smile that makes Jeonghan's heart beat a little bit faster. “Not now,” he says softly. Jeonghan really wants to kiss him.

He settles for tracing Seungcheol's lips with his thumb instead. “Okay.”

They stay quiet for a while, simply staring at each other as Jeonghan runs his fingers over Seungcheol's cheekbones, nose, eyebrows, as if memorizing every detail. He doesn't need to, though, Seungcheol's face is as familiar to him as his own. He's loved this face since before he knew what love was. It's his favorite in the world, the only one that he can easily read, the one he knows like the back of his hand. The way his lips pout when he focuses, or his eyes crinkle when he laughs; the curve of his nose, the arc of his eyebrows; every mole, every eyelash, is engraved in his memory forever. Jeonghan is so overwhelmed by how much he loves this boy in front of him that he feels like he's going to explode.

“I love you,” he blurts out before he can stop himself. And then he registers what he has said and freaks out. Because he's never told Seungcheol that. They haven't said _ I love you  _ yet, he doesn't even know if Seungcheol loves him at all, he's probably ruined everything again. His brain disconnects, leaving him rambling like it always does. “Oh my God, I love you so much and I really wish I could kiss you right now ‘cause the past three days have been hell and I'm sorry if this is too much, I'll understand if you don't feel the same and I'm shutting up now but I love you.”

He does shut up, and looks at Seungcheol, breathless. Seungcheol is staring at him with wide eyes and a strange expression on his face. Jeonghan feels himself start to panic, and he tries to calm himself. He's had enough panic attacks in crucial moments of this relationship, he's not having one right now.

Seungcheol is still not saying anything and if he doesn't in the next few seconds Jeonghan is probably going to die of embarrassment. “Please say something,” he pleads.

Seungcheol blinks rapidly a few times and pulls a (cute) face. He opens his mouth a couple of times to say something but closes it again and Jeonghan is reminded of how Seungcheol used to do this all the time when he was a child and his mind was running faster than his mouth. Seungcheol's hyperactive mind has always been his best asset and his worst enemy at the same time. 

Seungcheol finally manages to speak. “You love me?” he chokes out. Jeonghan worries that he might have broken him. He hurries to nod.

“I do, like, so fucking much,” he says. And hurries to add “But it's okay if you don't, like you don't have to say it back and I'll understand if you want me to give you some space, I just needed you to know-”

Seungcheol cuts him by covering his mouth with a burning hand. Jeonghan looks at him in surprise. “Will you shut up? I'm trying to process the fact that you love me and my brain isn't working right with the fever.”

Jeonghan isn't comprehending anything but he nods anyway and watches wide-eyed as Seungcheol takes a very big breath and murmures  _ Oh my God _ under his breath. 

_ He doesn't love me back _ , Jeonghan realizes. Seungcheol doesn't feel the same for him and is trying to find a kind way of telling Jeonghan so. Such a Seungcheol thing to do, trying to cause the least damage possible.

He should have seen this coming, really. This relationship was too good to be true anyway, and no matter how much Jeonghan says he doesn't care if Seungcheol doesn't love him, the fact is he was hoping for something good, no,  _ great _ , to happen to him for once in his life. He watches as Seungcheol closes his eyes firmly and inhales again, feeling his throat close off and his eyes begin to sting. But he won't cry, not this time. He's not a pitiful fool and he won't cry in front of Seungcheol again.

Softly, he pushes Seungcheol's hand away from his face and says “It's okay if you don't love me.”

At the same time that Seungcheol says “I love you too.”

“What?” they both ask simultaneously again. 

Jeonghan's heart feels too big for his chest. Fuck what he just said, he might cry after all. “You love me too,” he breathes, and lets out a sound that's half a laugh, half a sob.

Seungcheol gives him a weird look. “I thought it was obvious.”

Jeonghan pushes him on the chest, but there's no strength behind it. “It was not, you idiot, you know me!”

“I do,” Seungcheol says softly, he's smiling again and Jeonghan would burn cities down for that smile. Seungcheol comes closer to him and rests their foreheads together. “And I know you always sell yourself short and that there's not a single person on this planet who has met you and not fallen a little in love with you.”

Jeonghan's blush is one for the history books. “Shut up, oh my God, you're such a sap.”

Seungcheol laughs breathily. “But it's true. I loved you the moment I saw you, even if I didn't know it at the time, and your family adores you and so does mine, and all of our friends would die for you, you just don't realize. You don't realize how much better our lives are because you're in them.”

And just like that Jeonghan is finally crying. Because he doesn't believe Seungcheol. He doesn't make anyone's life better, he's just a pain in the ass. He tells Seungcheol that. “They don't. I'm snarky and bitchy and annoying and everyone just puts up with me. I don't know how did I get you to fall in love with me, because I'm honestly the worst and you deserve so much better but I'm so selfish and I can't let you go.”

Seungcheol lets out a frustrated sound. “You're not. You're an amazing person who suffers from anxiety and doesn’t see just how loved and how deserving of this love he is, but it’s okay ‘cause you have me and I love you and I’ll help you realize.”

Jeonghan sniffles and shakes his head. “The fever is making you delusional.”

“I’ve never been more serious,” Seungcheol assures him. He wipes Jeonghan’s tears away with a thumb. “Will you let me try?”

Jeonghan has never been good at saying no to Seungcheol when he looks at him with his stupid puppy eyes and pouty lips. Jeonghan wants to kiss him more than anything else in the world right now.

“Okay,” he whispers, and Seungcheol smiles. Jeonghan can never get enough of that smile.

“Good,” Seungcheol whispers back, going back to cuddling Jeonghan. “I love you so fucking much, by the way.”

Jeonghan laughs a wet laugh. “You're gonna be insufferable, aren't you?”

Seungcheol nods and kisses his neck. “Yup.”

“God, you're the worst,” Jeonghan sighs in defeat. 

“You love it,” Seungcheol's voice is a little too smug in Jeonghan's opinion. He does have a point, though.

“I do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no reason for this, only that i wanted to write sickfic hehet


	10. Interlude: Verkwan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> self indulgent texting again

**_Jeonghanie’s fools 💕_ **

**BooBoo:** HANSOL JUST KISSED ME???????????????

**Seokminie☀️:** OMG 

**Seokminie☀️:** KWAN OMG ARE YOU BREATHING?????

**BooBoo:** I AM NOT

 **BooBoo:** GUYS HE KISSED ME

**Shua:** wowowowowow how did it go?????

 **Shua:** _@Hannie_ get your ass here

**Juncat:** avshhehwbsjdnskskmakal

 **Juncat:** my otp (╥﹏╥)

 **Juncat:** was it good ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**BooBoo:** SO WE WERE LIKE WATXHING TV RIGHT

 **BooBoo:** AND THE MAIN CHATACTERS WERE GETTING IT ON LIKE FULL ON MAKEOUT SESSION

 **BooBoo:** AND I JOKINFLY SAY WOW I WISH SOMEONE WOUDL KISS ME LIEK THAT

 **BooBoo:** ADN HE GOES ABD SAYS OKAY AND FUCKING JSUT KISSES ME??????????? 

**BooBoo:** AHHDJSJSJAKWNDJWKSMZISBD

 **BooBoo:** NOW HES GONE TO THE KITCHEN BUT HES GONNS COME BACK WHAT DI I DO IM PANICKING

 **BooBoo:** AND YES _@Juncat_ IT WAS FUCKING SUPERB YOU FUNKY LITTLE CHINESE GAY

**Hannie:** OKAY IM HERE 

**Hannie:** OMG SEUNGKWAN IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU

 **Hannie:** CHEOL IS HERE HE SAID “ABOUT TIME”

**Michael Chanson:** i mean he would know about that

**Seokminie☀️:** ABSJSJSKFNFJSNSKSIANN

 **Seokminie☀️:** CHOI SEUNGCHEOL FOUND DEAD IN A DITCH

**Hannie:** LEE CHAN I DID NOT RAISE YOU TO TALK LIKE THAT ABOUT YOUR FATHER

 **Hannie:** YOURE GROUNDED YOUNG MAN

**Juncat:** you calling seungcheol chans dad has scarred me for life thanks i hate it 

**Shua:** and you dont have to live w them smh

**Hannie:** youre all grounded*

**BooBoo:** as cute as this is CAN WE GO BACK TO MY THIBG

 **BooBoo:** WHAT DO I DO

**Juncat:** man just smooch him some more and then like start dating

 **Juncat:** its sort of what wonwoo and i did

**Shua:** why is everyone in this gc paired up youre all so gross

**Michael Chanson:** im not either hyung

**Hannie:** thats cause youre a child and ur grounded until you turn 30

 **Hannie:** also _@BooBoo_ he kissed you like

 **Hannie:** it doesnt get any realer than thsi

**Shua:** should i remind you the reason this gc was created or

**Hannie:** omfg i cant believe youve done this

 **Hannie:** youre disowned

**Michael Chanson:** why is he always so weird via text?

**Shua:** hes always like thsi, hes just a fake bitch and pretends to be nice around yall

**_Hannie_ ** _has removed_ **_Shua_ ** _from the group chat_

**Hannie:** anygay

**_Michael Chanson_ ** _has added_ **_Shua_ ** _to the group chat_

**Shua:** im back bitches

**Hannie:** my own son

 **Hannie:** backstabbing me like this

 **Hannie:** this family is falling apart

**BooBoo:** im never asking yall for help again

**Seokminie☀️:** sorry kwannie 💕

 **Seokminie☀️:** i say go for it

 **Seokminie☀️:** youve been in love w him for like so long this could be your chance

 **Seokminie☀️:** besised you two are practically married

**Juncat:** i rt everything seokmin said

 **Juncat:** go get him tiger

**BooBoo:** thx guys

 **BooBoo:** okay hes coming back WISH ME LUCJ

**Seokminie☀️:** YOU GOT THIS SEUNGKWANIE 💙

**Hannie:** WERE ROOTING FOR YOU

**Shua:** yalls suck

**Hannie:** we do ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Shua:** believe me I KNOW

**Juncat:** can we pls not talk about our parents’ sex life its kinda uncomfortable

**Michael Chanson:** yeah pls

**Hannie:** CHANNIE BABY YOU DONT KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS RIGHT YOURE JUST JOKING

**Michael Chanson:** hyung im literally 19

 **Michael Chanson:** ofc i know what that means

**Hannie:** LOOK WHAT YALLSVE DONE YOUVE CORRUPTED MY BABY

**_Michael Chanson_ ** _has removed_ **_Hannie_ ** _from the group chat_

**Shua:** finally some peace and quiet

**Juncat:** is this what bliss feels like

**Seokminie☀️:** you guys are mean

**_BooBoo_ ** _has added_ **_Hannie_ ** _to the group chat_

**Hannie:** I HATE YALL

**BooBoo:** HE SAUD YES AVDVHSHSJAKDISJDHSHA

**Hannie:** except seungkwan

 **Hannie:** YAS KWANNIE CONGRATS

 **Hannie:** IM SO HAPPY FOR YOY MY LITTLE BOO

**Shua:** YAS BRO

**Juncat:** GIIIIIRL (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ.•°⭐°•.⭐.•°⭐

**Michael Chanson:** congrats hyung

**Seokminie☀️:** SOONYOUNG AND I CALL DIBS ON THE FIRST DOUBLE DATE

**Shua:** gross

**_BooBoo_ ** _has removed_ **_Shua_ ** _from the group chat_

  


* * *

**My life is a romcom**

**_Coups_ ** _has changed the name of the group chat to_ **_FUCKING SMOOTH CHWE_ **

**Coups:** HANSOL VERNON CHWE

 **Coups:** wanna share something with the group?

**NaegaHosh:** YES OMG 

**NaegaHosh:** SEOKMIN TOLD ME

 **NaegaHosh:** IM

 **NaegaHosh:** SCREAMING???????

**WonUWU:** yes lmao junhui told me too

 **WonUWU:** congrats bro

**Woozi:** whats thus about 

**T-H-E to the 8:**????????????

**Gyu:** :(

**Coups:** i wanted the man to tell you but since hes probably too busy smooching seungkwan…….

**Gyu:** waiT HES WHAT DOING WHAT

 **Gyu:** _@VerNYOOM_ CARE TO ELABORATE

 **Gyu:** YOURE DOING WHAT WITH KWAN

**T-H-E to the 8:** omg mingyu shutup

 **T-H-E to the 8:** _@VerNYOOM_ congrats bro it was about time

**Coups:** ikr????? I said the same thing

**NaegaHosh:** yeah and then

 **NaegaHosh:** chan obliterated you

 **NaegaHosh:** seokminie told me

**T-H-E to the 8:** lmao send the receipts

**Gyu:** i still want to know what hes doing to my boo

**Coups:** dw gyu 

**Coups:** its hansol

 **Coups:** literally name someone more whipped than sol is for kwanie

**WonUWU:** do i say it or like

**T-H-E to the 8:** yes pls do

**WonUWU:** just look at the mirror whenever jeonghan hyung is in the room _@Coups_

**NaegaHosh:** [attached picture]

 **NaegaHosh:** to quote my hubby

 **NaegaHosh:** choi seungcheol found dead in a ditch

**Woozi:** noice

 **Woozi:** that kid is going places

**Coups:** im not that whipped

**WonUWU:** like hell you arent

**T-H-E to the 8:** yeah hyung its like watching a bad drama

**Woozi:** lmao it is

 **Woozi:** wait hansol is typing

**Gyu:** ANSWER YOU COWARD

**VerNYOOM:** uh hi?

**T-H-E to the 8:** hey bro

 **T-H-E to the 8:** hows seungkwan

**VerNYOOM:** uuuuuuuh good?

 **VerNYOOM:** hes sleeping

**NaegaHosh:** awwww cute

 **NaegaHosh:** send a pic

**Woozi:** creepy soonyoung

 **Woozi** : so you guys dating now or what

**VerNYOOM:** [attached picture]

 **VerNYOOM** : yeah? Kinda

**NaegaHosh:** FUCK THATS SO CUTE

 **NaegaHosh:** IS HE USING YOU

 **NaegaHosh:** AS A PILLOW

**VerNYOOM:** yep

**NaegaHosh:** FUXJ

**T-H-E to the 8:** hey gyu cant type atm but he says smth about me breaking your legs if you hurt him

 **T-H-E to the 8:** his words, not mine

**VerNYOOM:** uuuuuuh okay

 **VerNYOOM:** why exactly cant he type?

**T-H-E to the 8:** i took his phone away lmao

**Woozi:** omg minghao youre evil

**WonUWU:** _@VerNYOOM_ how did it go?

**NaegaHosh:** YES WE

 **NaegaHosh:** WANT DETAILS

**Woozi:** im assuming coups hyung already knows so yeah tell us

**VerNYOOM:** idk we were just watching this film and he said smth about wanting to be kissed like the main character and i said fuck it yknow? 

**VerNYOOM:** and yeah i kinda kissed him and then i panicked and went to the kitchen and i guess thats when he texted the others and then i came back and he like kissed me again????? 

**VerNYOOM:** and then he said if i wanted to be boyfriends and i said yeah sure why not as if i havent been fuckin in love w him since forever yknow

 **VerNYOOM:** and then we kissed some more and it was nice and now he fell asleep on me and my arm is starting to go numb but like its worth it

**Coups:** man i love young love

**Woozi:** pls shut up

**T-H-E to the 8:** gyu says, and i quote: “thats the cutest thing ive ever heard”

 **T-H-E to the 8:** hes nearly crying

 **T-H-E to the 8:** idiot boyfriend for sale, almost new, will do the dishes for you if you ask nicely

**NaegaHosh:** fuxk sol

 **NaegaHosh:** im so

 **NaegaHosh:** happy for you two

**WonUWU:** thats so cool man

 **WonUWU:** junhui showed me seungkwans version and its cuter if you have both _@NaegaHosh_

**NaegaHosh:** great ill

 **NaegaHosh:** ask seok

 **NaegaHosh:** to show mw

**Woozi:** wait does that leave me the only one without a so

 **Woozi:** fan-fucking-tastic

**Coups:** cmon hoonie

 **Coups:** love is closer than you think

**Woozi:** you sound very convinced for someone who was pining so hard he was practically a forest not even two months ago

**Coups:** yeah and now im dating the loml so how did that turn out for me huh

**WonUWU:** may i remind you thanks to whom

**Coups:** pls dont ruin it

  
**Woozi:** yall are gross

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for some reason seokminies sun is an actual emoji here *shrugs*


	11. I wonder if your therapist knows everything about me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> c u d d l e s

A dip on his mattress and the sound of his bed creaking wake Seungcheol with a start. He groggily lifts his head from the pillow and nearly collides with someone else’s forehead.

“Hannie?” he asks, more awake now, but still very much disoriented.

Jeonghan jumps a bit and almost falls from the bed. “Sorry,” he mumbles.

And the tone of his voice suddenly makes Seungcheol very alert. He blindly searches for his bedside lamp’s switch and turns it on, washing the scene in warm orange light. Jeonghan’s face is pale and his hair is ruffled, and he’s biting his lips the way he does when he’s anxious. 

“What’s wrong, love?” Seungcheol asks carefully. Sometimes Jeonghan just gets anxious and needs comfort but doesn’t want to talk about it.

Jeonghan looks down at his hands neatly folded on his lap and draws in the smallest of breaths. “I couldn’t sleep,” he says, and it’s so low Seungcheol can barely make the words out.

“Another nightmare?” This has been happening lately; the nightmares. Jeonghan’s therapist said they are derived from high levels of stress, probably finals coming up, but that diagnosis did nothing to make them go away. It pains Seungcheol watching Jeonghan slowly lose sleep, only aggravating his stage of constant anxiety, and being unable to do anything.

Jeonghan nods and shakes a bit, his lips trembling dangerously. It breaks Seungcheol’s heart. He brings his hand to Jeonghan’s, relieved when Jeonghan accepts his touch. Sometimes, when he gets overwhelmed, he won’t let anyone touch him, something Seungcheol has learned the hard way. 

Rubbing his thumb along Jeonghan’s knuckles, Seungcheol pushes himself up fully and places his other hand on Jeonghan’s nape, leaning in to press a kiss against Jeonghan’s shoulder. “Wanna talk about it?”

Jeonghan shakes his head, sniffling a little. “I just want to sleep.”

Seungcheol gets the message and nods, smiling reassuringly at Jeonghan. “Come on, then, let’s sleep,” he says softly, pulling Jeonghan to lie with him. Jeonghan follows without any resistance and allows Seungcheol to cover him with his blankets, silently making himself comfortable wrapped around Seungcheol’s frame. Seungcheol smiles against his hair, kissing his crown. “Better?”

“Yes,” Jeonghan whispers against the fabric of his shirt. After a few beats of silence, his fingers start tracing circular patterns on Seungcheol’s chest. “Talk to me, please?”

“Of course,” Seungcheol says, slowly running his fingers through the short hair on Jeonghan’s nape. “I had lunch with Hosh and Jihoonie today. They are working on this crazy project to get extra credit and they need someone to sing a song for them. I’m not sure but I think they’ll ask Shua to do it.”

“It would be nice,” Jeonghan murmures, apparently calmer now. Seungcheol smiles again and hums in agreement. “Joshuji has a really pretty voice and Hoonie has always wanted to work with him. It would also be a good chance for them to get closer and finally get their shit together.”

Seungcheol laughs softly at this, squeezing Jeonghan against him. “Of course you’d think about that.”

Jeonghan laughs too, and Seungcheol’s heart sings at the sound. “I just want them to be happy,” he says.

Seungcheol kisses his head again, floored by how much he loves the boy in his arms. “I know you do, love.”

Jeonghan pushes away from Seungcheol’s chest so that he can look him in the eye. When he does, his eyes are bright like they always are, albeit exhausted from sleepless nights. He is still the most beautiful thing Seungcheol has ever seen. 

“Thank you,” Jeonghan says, and the small smile he blesses Seungcheol with afterwards makes his breath catch in his throat for a moment.

He understands what Jeonghan means with this, he really does. He doesn’t know how to reply, though, so he just leans in and presses his lips against Jeonghan’s; a barely there, feather soft kiss. Jeonghan’s smile grows against his mouth, and he kisses Seungcheol back just as softly. And everything is okay for a moment.

When they part, their lips slowly dragging against each other, Seungcheol can’t help but feel like the luckiest guy on the planet.

“Stop that,” Jeonghan admonishes, hitting his chest lightly. 

“Stop what?” Seungcheol asks, confused.

“Stop looking at me like I fucking hung the stars on the sky or something!” 

Seungcheol didn’t know that’s something he does, but it doesn’t sound too out of character for him. As far as he knows, Jeonghan  _ did  _ hang the stars on the sky.

“Sorry,” he says sheepishly. 

Jeonghan just shakes his head fondly and pushes Seungcheol's bangs away from his eyes. “Your hair is longer than mine now,” he comments, tenderly.

It’s something Seungcheol has also noticed. He didn’t plan to let it grow this much, but he hasn’t found the moment to get it trimmed again, and it has started to grow past the point where he has to push it back from his eyes in order to see regularly. 

“Should I cut it?” he asks self-consciously.

Jeonghan looks at him for a moment, a small frown forming in between his eyebrows as he thinks. “I like it the length it is now, but I don’t think it’ll look good if you let it grow longer,” he says, truthfully.

Seungcheol nods. “Okay.”

Jeonghan smiles beautifully up at him before pecking him on the lips again. “But you can do whatever you like with it,” he says.

“No, I trust your judgement as the professional long-haired person in this relationship,” Seungcheol replies half jokingly.

“Oh, yeah? What if I told you to dye your hair pink?” Jeonghan asks, a playful smile on his face. 

“I’d dye it, of course,” Seungcheol replies without missing a beat, which causes Jeonghan to laugh, delighted.

“Oh my God, you would.”

They fall in comfortable silence, both of them just enjoying each other’s presence in that weird, quiet limbo that happens when one is awake between 2 and 5am. Seungcheol feels himself starting to drift and thinks Jeonghan will fall asleep too when he speaks up again.

“I have a crazy proposal,” he says cautiously. “You’re totally allowed to say no, but I’ve been thinking about it for a while now, and I have to ask you.”

Curiosity replaces his previous sleepiness and he turns his full attention to Jeonghan again. He bumps their noses together to signal he's listening, causing Jeonghan to giggle softly.

“Move in with me,” he murmures. His hands start fidgeting with Seungcheol's shirt again, Seungcheol isn't sure if he's aware he's doing it. “Just the two of us. It doesn't have to be right away, but let's definitely start searching soon.”

It takes Seungcheol a few seconds to register what he is asking, and when he does, his heart skips a beat. He looks at Jeonghan with wide eyes, who in turn is looking at him with an expectant small smile, and feels his chest fill with warmth and adoration.

“Do you mean that?” he asks, his voice coming out a little strained.

Jeonghan's smile grows, lighting up his whole face, and he nods enthusiastically. “I've wanted that for a while, now. I think we're ready, but also I think Shua will thank us.”

That makes Seungcheol look at the whole situation in a new perspective. It's always been the three of them, Seungcheol, Jeonghan and Jisoo. But lately, it's been more of a  _ SeungcheolJeonghan  _ and Jisoo. And it shows. It makes Seungcheol feel guilty that he got so caught up in his newfound romantic relationship that he neglected one of the friendships that are more dear to him.

“Oh,” he mutters, almost absentmindedly. Jeonghan nods.

“I don't think having us around being all mushy is good for him at the moment,” he says gravely. Seungcheol blushes a bit at his words and Jeonghan smiles softly at him, as if saying  _ you know we are _ . “At least not while he is being a mopey mess about Jihoon.”

“You might be right,” Seungcheol concedes. He knows how it is, being a mopey mess, and doesn't miss it one bit. 

Jeonghan's hands slip under his shirt, causing him to yelp because his hands are always freezing. Jeonghan laughs evilly. “Don't you know I'm always right?”

Seungcheol hisses and pulls at Jeonghan's wrists, holding both his hands in between his, trying to give them some warmth. “Geez, no need to prove points like that, asshole.”

Jeonghan laughs again. “Love youuu,” he sing-songs, with a devilish grin on his face.

Seungcheol makes a grumpy sound and uses his hold on Jeonghan's hands to roll them over until they're a tangle of limbs and sheets, Seungcheol hovering above Jeonghan, satisfied with the squeal the other boy lets out at being manhandled like that. 

“You're such a brat,” he admonishes, and pokes Jeonghan's sides until he's a giggling mess underneath him, begging him to stop.

One of Jeonghan's hands breaks free from Seungcheol's grip and he retaliates by sliding it under his shirt again, tickling his belly with nimble fingers, effectively causing Seungcheol to stop attacking him as he starts laughing as well. 

“Fine,” he manages to pant in between laughs, raising his hands in defeat. “Truce.”

Jeonghan smiles and is about to say something when a huge yawn cuts him off. Seungcheol looks at his watch and winces when he sees how late it is. “Fuck, babe, it's so late, you need to sleep.”

“You haven't answered my question yet, though,” Jeonghan murmures, rubbing one of his eyes in a way that makes him look like a kitten. 

Seungcheol leans down to kiss his nose gently before untangling himself from him and neatly covering them both with the sheets again. “Of course I'll move in with you, Jeonghan.”

Jeonghan turns to him, soft expression on his face. “Ooh, full name, this is serious,” he jokes.

Seungcheol smiles adoringly at him. “You're so dumb, I'm so fucking crazy about you,” he says before he can stop himself.

Jeonghan blushes slightly, and it's endearing, that he still gets flustered every time Seungcheol blurts out stupid things like this.

“Well, what a coincidence, because I'm so fucking crazy about you, too,” he whispers, like it's a secret. It's not.

“I guess it's good we're moving in together, then,” Seungcheol says, meaning it fully, but playing it as a joke. He can't wait to live with Jeonghan, just the two of them. To wake up with the love of his life in his arms every morning in a bed that properly fits both of them. To argue about whose turn it was to buy cereal. To live off of domestic bliss.

“You'd think so, right?” Jeonghan replies, snuggling close to him, closing his eyes. That's how Seungcheol knows it won't be long until he's fast asleep.

“I do,” he says, wrapping his arms around him. Jeonghan lets out a contented sigh.

“Good night, dumbass,” he says softly, causing Seungcheol to laugh.

“Good night, Han,” he whispers against his head, closing his eyes himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: has recurring nightmares due to anxiety  
> me: wow wouldnt it be nice if my characters did too?


	12. Interlude: 2Ji

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i promise its 2ji you just gotta wait for it

Jeonghan is an impatient person in most aspects of his life. He hates being late. He hates waiting for people. He hates it when videos take more than ten seconds to load. Seungcheol has been gathering this over the years, has learned to accept it as one of the many things that make Jeonghan well, Jeonghan. But, since Jeonghan is an impatient person, he is also an impatient lover, much to Seungcheol's dismay.

In Seungcheol's humble opinion, Jeonghan was made to be worshipped. There is no way such a perfect being was placed on Earth with any other purpose than that of being treated with the utmost adoration. 

This is what Seungcheol attempts to do every time he manages to get Jeonghan in bed. If it were up to him, he'd spend hours simply kissing him, trailing kisses down his throat, his chest, his back, his thighs; caressing his perfect skin, paying attention to every ridge, every plane, every valley. 

But Jeonghan never has any of it. He only ever allows Seungcheol a few minutes of bliss before he's impatiently tugging at Seungcheol's hair, demanding more. Seungcheol is more than happy to oblige (this is still Jeonghan, and he'll have him any way the other allows), but it still makes him itch to drag things a little longer, kiss just a little further.

This is the reason why there's very few occasions like today, when he's got Jeonghan shirtless under him, sighing in heady contentment as Seungcheol mouths along his collarbones. Jeonghan's fingers are on his hair, but he's not tugging Seungcheol away, he's merely seeking some sort of purchase. 

Seungcheol takes his time, alternating between sucking and nibbling on Jeonghan's skin, making sure to kiss the sting away after, marveling at the way Jeonghan's pale skin starts to form pretty bruises. Jeonghan lets out a small sound above him and his fingers tighten in Seungcheol's hair, and for a moment Seungcheol is afraid he'll pull him off; but Jeonghan simply presses his cheek against the pillow, and scrunches his eyes closed.

Seungcheol takes that as a sign to keep going and moves further down to Jeonghan's chest. He leaves a few open mouthed kisses there, reveling in the little sounds that are now leaving Jeonghan's lips uninterruptedly, and finds his new target. Jeonghan's nipples. 

Seungcheol knows he's extremely sensitive here, and he intends on spending as much time as Jeonghan allows on them. He thumbs them both first, earning him a gasp from Jeonghan, before going to suck on his right one. He's barely put his lips on Jeonghan when Jeonghan's phone starts ringing on the bedside table.  _ No fucking way. _

“It's Jisoo,” Jeonghan stammers, recognizing the ringtone he has set for their friend. Of course Jisoo would call in the middle of the only god-damned chance Seungcheol gets to treat Jeonghan like he should be treated.

“Don't pick up,” he says against Jeonghan's skin, making him shiver when his hot breath fans over his wet nipple.

“But he never calls,” Jeonghan says weakly, already reaching for his phone. Seungcheol whines in protest.

“Jeonghaaan…” he pleads, dragging out the last syllable, hoping to convince him. But Jeonghan is too stubborn sometimes (always).

“Sorry, baby,” he says, looking apologetically at him and petting his cheek. He picks up his phone and brings it to his ear. “Jisoo,” he greets, no strain in his voice. Seungcheol finds it a little insulting, really.

Fine, then, Jeonghan picked up the phone, but he's not moving from where he is. He brings his hands under his chin and plops himself on top of Jeonghan, resting against his chest. Jeonghan smiles down at him and raises a hand to play with his hair as he says “No, it's okay.”

Seungcheol makes an offended face as if to say  _ it's definitely not okay _ and Jeonghan just makes another face at him as if to say  _ I know, but what am I supposed to say.  _ And then his eyes widen comically and he practically screams “ _ He did what!? _ ”

Seungcheol perks up his head in curiosity as Jeonghan brings his hand to cover his mouth, smiling like a loon. “Shua, Cheol is here, I'm putting you on speaker and you  _ have to  _ explain everything.”

He moves his phone away from his ear and presses the speaker option, holding it in between them both. He looks pointedly at Seungcheol and he takes the hint.

“Hey, Shua,” he tells the phone as he detaches himself from Jeonghan and climbs up the bed to make himself comfortable curled up against his side. Jeonghan smiles sweetly at him and props himself on the pillows to accommodate Seungcheol's head on his chest. 

Jisoo's voice sounds distant from the phone's speaker. “Hey, Cheol.”

Jeonghan's fingers start tracing circles distractedly on Seungcheol's arm. “Now tell Seungcheol what you just told me,” he orders happily. Seungcheol feels his voice reverberating against his cheek 

Jisoo sighs on the other side of the line, but it's not one of the annoyed sighs he's been letting out lately. In fact, if Seungcheol didn't know Jisoo so well, he'd even qualify it as a dreamy sigh. “Jihoon just asked me out.”

Above him, Jeonghan makes a delighted squeal and stomps his feet on the bed, squeezing Seungcheol against him. “I knew it!”

Seungcheol laughs at how childish his boyfriend is sometimes and addresses the phone again. “That's so cool, Joshua!”

“I want to know  _ everything _ ,” Jeonghan demands.

Jisoo laughs loudly then, and it comes out as a weird static sound through Jeonghan's blown up phone speaker. It's a refreshing sound. “Can't you wait until I get home?” he asks.

“As a matter of fact, I can't, because Cheol was doing something really interesting with his mouth and I feel like you won't want to be home anytime soon,” Jeonghan replies cheekily. Seungcheol nearly chokes on his own spit when he hears it, and Jisoo makes a disgusted sound.

“TMI, Jeonghan!” he admonishes.

“I have no regrets,” the boy in question replies nonchalantly as he smiles wickedly down at Seungcheol. “Now tell me how did it go.”

Seungcheol is pretty sure Jeonghan is doing this just to torture him. Well, two can play at this game. He puckers his lips in the most exaggerated pout he can muster, and sees something flash before Jeonghan's eyes before he mouths  _ stop _ at him. Seungcheol smiles sweetly then, and bats his eyelashes in fake innocence. The look on Jeonghan's face gets hungry.

Jisoo says something too low to be heard through the phone, and, honestly, Seungcheol had sort of forgotten they were talking. 

“Mind repeating that?,” he asks, still stubbornly holding Jeonghan's gaze. Jeonghan's tongue darts out to quickly lick his bottom lip and Seungcheol feels like a cat's prey. He loves it.

“I said,” Jisoo says, sounding every bit not amused, “if you two are so busy, I'll just hang up.”

Which causes Jeonghan to jolt, shoving a hand in Seungcheol's face. “No! You need to tell me  _ right now _ !” he squeals, making it clear that gossip comes before Seungcheol in his list of priorities. Rude. Seungcheol bites his fingers in retaliation.

Jisoo lets out a huff. “Fine. So we were at the studio right? And he was acting kind of weird, like cagey. Well, more than usual anyway, and I thought I was doing something wrong because he'd been so nice to me lately, and I felt like we were getting closer,” Jeonghan gives Seungcheol an  _ I told you so  _ look. Seungcheol rolls his eyes at him. “So I ask him if I'm doing something wrong and he says:  _ no hyung, you're perfect _ , which, yeah, out of context…” Jeonghan covers his face with his hands and thrashes a bit, clearly delighted with what he's hearing. Seungcheol stares fondly at him.

“What happened then, Shua?” he asks, resting his chin on Jeonghan's chest again. One of Jeonghan's hands immediately flies to pet his hair.

“Well, being a big boy, I asked him what was wrong and he said something like:  _ working with you is super great but it's driving me crazy _ . And I was like why would you say that, you know? And then he goes and says  _ because I have this massive crush on you and it keeps distracting me from working,”  _ he says, hurriedly, as Jeonghan and Seungcheol coo at the same time. They look at each other and smile.

“And then, I was obviously freaking out, and he took it the wrong way because he thought I didn't like him back.  _ As if, _ you know. So I had to tell him that no, I very much like him back and then he asked if I maybe wanted to go out someday and he was  _ so cute _ and so flustered and long story short, we're having coffee on Friday and it's a date.”

Jeonghan looks like he's about to cry of happiness. He hugs Seungcheol close to him and brings the phone to his face. “I'm so, so,  _ so _ happy for you, Joshuji,” he says softly.

“Yeah, congrats, man,” Seungcheol adds, from where he is squished against Jeonghan's side.

“Thanks, both of you,” Jisoo says, sounding a bit choked up. Seungcheol thinks he hasn't seen him this emotional since they watched the Notebook. “I'll leave you to your thing now,” he adds, as an afterthought.

Jeonghan laughs. “Love you, Shua, bye,” he sing-songs before ending the call. He throws his phone on the bedside table again and pulls at Seungcheol. “Come here,” he says, rushedly.

Seungcheol happily obliges and crawls on top of him, allowing Jeonghan to bury his hands in his hair and kiss him senseless. With a swift movement, Jeonghan flips them over. Seungcheol mourns his missed opportunity to mark Jeonghan all over for exactly the three seconds it takes Jeonghan to start sucking on his neck. The news really made him happy.

Which reminds Seungcheol of something. 

“Fuck, Han, wait a moment,” he manages to breathe out. Jeonghan separates from his neck and looks at him with worry.

“What's wrong, baby?” he asks, lips red and puffy, and Seungcheol has to gather all his remaining brainpower not to pull him into a kiss again.

“Nothing,” he chokes out. Jeonghan tilts his head to the side in silent question and it's really ridiculous, how bad Seungcheol has it for him. “I just remembered something and I wanted to tell you.”

“I swear to God if this is one of your dumb pick-up lines I'm asking for a divorce,” Jeonghan says, only half jokingly.

Seungcheol grins at him. “You'd have to marry me first to do that.”

Jeonghan narrows his eyes at him. “Watch me.”

Seungcheol chokes on air because this was not where he had expected this conversation to go. “I… this was not it!” he cries, trying to wrap his head around the fact that Jeonghan just lowkey asked him to marry him.

Jeonghan looks way too smug as he pets his cheek “And what was it, baby?” he asks, knowing full well what he's doing to Seungcheol.

Well, Seungcheol is about to turn the tables. “I found this place the other day,” he starts, assessing Jeonghan's reaction. “Affordable rent, not too big, close to Hansol and Seungkwan's place… I know you said to wait until Jisoo and Jihoon got their shit together, but it was too perfect so I sent an email and they replied this morning, and hey, Jisoo and Jihoon just got their shit together, so I'm starting to think the Universe wants us to move in together…”

Jeonghan's smug smile has left his face, replaced by a look of utter awe. One of his hands is covering his mouth and his eyes are open wide. “Why didn't you tell me?” he asks in a small voice.

Seungcheol pushes himself so that he is sitting up with Jeonghan in his lap, taking his face in his hands. Jeonghan's hands wrap around his wrists. “You were so stressed and I wanted to take some weight off your shoulders. Should I not have?”

Jeonghan shakes his head, earnest look on his face. “No, no, it's okay, I'm just… this is happening.”

Seungcheol lets out a breathy laugh, knowing exactly what he means. “Yeah. But it doesn't have to be right away. I mean, the contractor was super nice, and he said he hadn't gotten any other offers and that he could wait until summer. We can move in after graduation.”

Jeonghan is nodding before he has even finished the sentence. “Yes, whenever, I just… God, I love you, I can't wait to live with you,” he says, leaning forward, pressing their foreheads together.

Seungcheol kisses him once, chastely. “Me too.”

Jeonghan reconnects their lips after that, kissing him soundly, and all thoughts that aren't Jeonghan leave Seungcheol's head. He is gently pushed backwards until he's lying flat on the bed again, and soon Jeonghan resumes his previous antics, pulling a small moan from his mouth.

“God,” Jeonghan says in between bites. “I can't wait to fuck you in a king size bed.”

Seungcheol blushes so hard he thinks he's going to die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i cant write smut to save my life lmao


	13. I'm here in search of your glory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter wasnt planned and it sprung out of nowhere and its one of my favs lmao

“CONGRATULATIONS, HYUNG!” is the last thing Seungcheol hears before he is nearly hurled to the ground by the force of Soonyoung and Seokmin’s combined tackle hug. He keeps his footing as best as he can as the two boys cling to him and nearly avoids colliding with Jisoo, who has had the bad luck of being behind him when his dongsaengs decided to smother him to death.

“Thanks, guys,” he chokes out, and hugs them back as much as he can. He hears a snicker by his side and turns to see Jeonghan and Jihoon standing close together and sporting similar smirks. These two really are something when they get together.

Soonyoung and Seokmin finally set him free, only to be replaced by an overly excited Mingyu, who does manage to make Seungcheol lose his balance and sends them both to the floor on a heap of limbs with his enthusiastic hug. Seungcheol hears Jeonghan and Jihoon laugh their heads off before Jisoo scolds them as Mingyu profusely apologises and helps him get up.

“It’s okay, Gyu, don’t worry,” he reassures him. Mingyu’s tan cheeks have turned a bright shade of red, and Seungcheol is sure he’ll try to pass it off as an effect of the heat rather than embarrassment later.

In retrospect, Seungcheol didn’t know what he had expected when everyone in his group of friends announced they would be coming to his graduation ceremony. His friends aren’t known to be exactly quiet nor discreet, and they have, indeed, made a few heads turn already. He shyly smiles at his classmates as Minghao cuffs Mingyu’s head before giving him a quick hug and congratulating him too. 

He dutifully accepts hugs and kind words from all his friends, feeling a bit shy when he remembers how boisterous he'd been for both Jeonghan and Jisoo's graduations, and not liking being in the receiving end of the loudness this time.

Speaking of Jeonghan, he's the only one who hasn't said a word to him yet. He carefully disentangles himself from a teary-eyed Seungkwan and hands him to Hansol before turning around to look for his boyfriend. 

He finds him still talking to Jihoon, both their heads bent close together in a conspiratorial manner as they whisper about God knows what. Seungcheol loves both of them to pieces, but sometimes they terrify him.

“Yah, Jeonghannie,” he calls, in the most obnoxious voice he can muster. Jeonghan lifts his head, light brown bangs falling softly on his cheekbones and Seungcheol forgets what he was about to say for a second. But then he sees Jeonghan's annoyed face at being interrupted and remembers his plan to be a bother.

“What do you want?” Jeonghan says, and it sounds so believably snappy, so real, that if Seungcheol didn't know the playful glint in his eyes like he knows the back of his hand, he'd actually have gotten upset.

“Don't you have anything to say to me?” he asks, faking innocence. He knows Jeonghan can't resist it when he acts childishly.

“Not that I can recall,” Jeonghan says, looking completely unfazed. Seungcheol's heart gets a little fuller; God he loves him.

He pouts exaggeratedly, making a show of it, not caring about their friends looking at them because he's happy and in love and generally annoying when he wants to be. “But Jeonghannie, it's my graduation,” he whines.

Jihoon covers his eyes with his hand and shakes his head, turning around to stifle an embarrassed laugh on Jisoo's shoulder. Seungcheol couldn't care less.

Jeonghan raises a perfect eyebrow at him. “Oh? Is that so?”

Seungcheol only nods, trying really hard to control the grin that threatens to appear on his face. He watches, delighted, as Jeonghan smirks at him.

“Well,” he says, closing the distance between them with two graceful strides. Seungcheol can feel himself bristling with anticipation. Jeonghan plants his hands on Seungcheol's hips and Seungcheol's arms come to rest on his shoulders instinctively. “In that case…” Jeonghan says lowly before slamming their mouths together.

A part of Seungcheol's brain registers their friends groaning and whistling around them, but he ignores it in favor of the bigger, more urgent part that's focused on how good Jeonghan's lips feel against his and the way one of Jeonghan's hands slides down to grab his ass, making him gasp in surprise and giving Jeonghan access to his mouth. Jeonghan kisses him hungrily, like they're the only people present, as if half of Seungcheol's classmates (and most probably Mingyu) aren't definitely recording this to blackmail him later, and Seungcheol loses all contact with Earth for a moment before he remembers they are very much in public and very much not PG-rated.

He pulls away from Jeonghan with big effort and pants against his lips, trying to catch his breath after  _ that _ . “Wow, okay, I-”

Jeonghan laughs and brings their foreheads together, pressing another kiss to the corner of his lips. “I'm so proud of you, baby. I love you so much.”

Seungcheol blushes magnificently. “I love you too.”

“Hey, Yoon Jeonghan, are you done?” comes in Jisoo's voice. Seungcheol hides his face on Jeonghan's shoulder shyly.

“I don't  _ know _ , Joshuji,” Jeonghan tells him over Seungcheol's head. 

“Well, be done soon, or at least stop grabbing Cheol's ass, there's kids in here,” Jisoo says, sounding amused. Seungcheol blushes even harder as Jeonghan squeezes his ass one last time and brings his hand back to his waist.

“You're gonna kill me,” he mutters against Jeonghan's shoulder. Jeonghan laughs his beautiful laugh and kisses his temple.

“C'mon,” he whispers, pulling Seungcheol along with him as he starts walking. “I have something for you.”

Seungcheol perks up his head, all shame forgotten. He fucking loves surprises.

* * *

“Welcome,” Jihoon says, in a bored tone. He's standing in front of the arcade, the lights tinting his white hair a rainbow of neon tones. “To the  _ 95 Line Graduation Extravaganza _ .”

“For God's sake, Jihoon, could you possibly be any more soulless?” Jeonghan nearly shouts at him as he pushes him away and pulls Jisoo behind him. Seungcheol has no idea what they're all doing here, but he doesn't question anything as a dejected Jihoon makes his way to his side. “Hello, my children, and welcome to the party of the fucking  _ century _ !”

Everyone cheers except for Jihoon, who boos loudly beside Seungcheol. He laughs and throws an arm over Jihoon's shoulders. “Don't be sour Jihoonie, you  _ were _ being unenthusiastic.”

“This is blatant Jeonghanism! Minghao!” Jihoon calls for the Chinese boy, who turns to look at them with an unperturbed look.

“It is,” he says solemnly, before turning to look at Jeonghan and Jisoo again.

“It's not!” Seungcheol cries, offended, but no one pays attention to him.

A few weeks after Jeonghan and Seungcheol started dating, Jihoon had come up with the term  _ Jeonghanism _ to refer to Seungcheol's apparent bias when it came to his boyfriend. A drunken votation had dictated that whenever someone felt like they were being victims of Jeonghanism, they should turn to Minghao, the (not so) impartial judge, who would decide whether the situation qualified as it. If Minghao considered the situation Jeonghanism, Seungcheol was therefore to be excluded from voicing his opinion in the matter being discussed.

Needless to say, everyone pulls the Jeonghan card when they don't agree with Seungcheol, to which Seungcheol loses most times, because he really is biased.

“Can you gays listen to me for a second?” Jeonghan demands their attention from the front. “I'm trying to explain something and I only have two minutes, and yes, I'm talking about your non-existent attention spans.”

“Rude!” Seungkwan calls from somewhere behind Seungcheol.

“We been knew!” Jeonghan calls back. “Anygay, as you all know, tonight is officially the last night the three of us are college students, which means it's the last night we get to party as such too, which means this has to be fucking  _ amazing _ . Everyone go wild, if someone hasn't been arrested by the end of the night I'll consider this a  _ failure _ .”

Everyone hollers again and Seungcheol feels his chest fill with warmth at being surrounded by his favorite people in the world and feeling like he has accomplished something in his life. It takes several seconds for them to calm down, and then Jisoo starts explaining the plan.

“Alright, we got the arcade until eight, then dinner and pre-drinks at our place, and then it's off to whatever questionable club Jeonghan has chosen this time; everything included in the modic price you guys already paid.”

“Excuse you, my club choices are exquisite,” Jeonghan snaps at him before clapping and turning to beam angelically at them. “Now, shall the party begin?”

His question is met with several expressions of agreement as the boys start walking into the arcade. Seungcheol wonders when and how much exactly were they supposed to pay, and how did he manage to miss that cue, so he discreetly goes up to Jeonghan and taps his shoulder. Jeonghan turns to look at him, smiling, glowing, and Seungcheol is so in love.

“Yes?” he asks brightly.

“Who do I have to pay and how much? For some reason I didn't catch that?”

Jeonghan shakes his head and throws his arms on Seungcheol's shoulders, threading his fingers through his hair. “You don't need to worry about that, I already took care of it.”

“You… What?” Seungcheol isn't following.

“I paid for you, dummy.” Jeonghan tugs lightly on his hair. “Shua, Hoonie and I have been organizing this thing for the past month, I wanted it to be a surprise for you. Consider it an advanced birthday present.”

Seungcheol is aware of his mouth hanging open, but he doesn't care. He wonders exactly what did he do in his past life to deserve someone like Jeonghan. “Is this why you booked the arcade?”

Jeonghan nods, grinning widely. “I want to kick your ass at video games.”

Seungcheol laughs and pokes his sides, making him squirm. “As if you could.”

A flash of competitiveness crosses Jeonghan's eyes. “Try me.”

“Oh, I will,” Seungcheol says, pulling him into the arcade. “I  _ so _ will.”

* * *

Seungcheol is drunk. He thinks. He's pretty sure of it. 

After obliterating Jeonghan at three different video games, he found a worthy rival in Wonwoo, who eventually ended up kicking his ass six ways to Sunday. In Seungcheol's defense, playing with one Jeonghan sitting on your lap and screaming useless instructions isn't the easiest thing to do.

It was the funniest afternoon Seungcheol has spent in a while. He happily catered to all of his dongsaengs’ requests, kicked some more butt (Seungkwan has never been able to play video games, but he keeps insisting on playing against Seungcheol) and generally had a blast laughing at everyone with Jihoon.

When they got kicked out of the arcade they split in three different cars to go to the apartment, where they ordered way too much pizza to go with their way too many beers. Although, come to think of it, maybe they weren't too many, considering the rate at which they are disappearing.

So Seungcheol is drunk, but not yet wasted. He's in that pleasantly buzzing state where everything he says is funny because everyone is equally drunk, and he loves his friends so much. The room hasn't started moving yet, and Hansol really does say the deepest things.

The thing about drunk Seungcheol is that he is very much in love with Jeonghan, and very vocal about it. If sober Seungcheol is touchy, drunk Seungcheol is downright clingy, and Jeonghan is his favorite person to cling to.

But tonight, Jeonghan is happily sandwiched in between Jisoo and Junhui, with Jihoon laying on their laps, sneaking in a power nap before the club. Seungcheol can't help stealing glances at Jeonghan, cursing his friends for stealing him away from Seungcheol. 

Drunk Jeonghan is  _ golden. _ His cheeks get flushed after the fourth beer, and he starts running his hands through his hair, messing it up, making Seungcheol reconsider his list of priorities in life. His eyes sparkle and he stops controlling his expressions, making the cutest and funniest faces. His laugh is loud and he bites his lips, and Seungcheol wishes that was  _ him _ . Drunk Seungcheol could write entire odes about drunk Jeonghan. 

But he is out of reach tonight, and he looks so content as he is right now that Seungcheol decides not to cling for once in his life. He already hogs Jeonghan enough every other day of their lives; today, this, is for their friends. So he turns to listen to whatever drunk dadaist philosophy Hansol is spurting right now, so fast that it almost sounds like he's rapping, and he nods along solemnly with Wonwoo, who looks almost as lost as Seungcheol feels.

It's past two am when Soonyoung declares that he's going to fall asleep unless they  _ hit the club right this instant _ , a motion that gets unanimously approved. Jeonghan sends the location on the group chat, and everyone starts going out the door, leaving the living room a mess. Seungcheol doesn't care right now. Not when Jeonghan wraps his arms around his waist from behind him as they walk out of their apartment building and slides his hands under his shirt, tucking his nose behind Seungcheol's ear. Drunk Jeonghan is also quite clingy.

Seungcheol leans into his touch as the rest of their friends keep walking, leaving them to waddle awkwardly like two entangled penguins. Seungcheol doesn't care. He's far too drunk and far too happy to care.

“Are you having fun?” Jeonghan asks softly. His voice sounds low and raspy from overuse and it sends a shiver down Seungcheol's spine.

“Yes,” he manages to croak out.

Jeonghan hums appreciatively and places a small kiss under his jaw. “Good.”

In all honesty, Seungcheol would be perfectly happy to ditch all their friends right now and drag Jeonghan back inside to finish the night on their own. He wouldn't need much more prompting. He is, in fact, considering it very strongly when a voice interrupts them.

“Hey, Dads! You two can do the nasty any time you want, come here with the rest of us!” Chan calls out, sending everyone on a fit of laughter.

“Your baby is getting more disrespectful every day,” Seungcheol comments, laughing as Jeonghan detaches himself from his back.

“Oh, he's about to get scolded,” he mutters before starting to march furiously after Chan, who has wisely started running. “LEE CHAN, COME HERE IMMEDIATELY OR SO GOD HELP ME…”

* * *

The club is dimly lit and crowded, and Seungcheol feels sticky within two minutes of having walked in. But the music is good and the drinks are not too expensive and Jeonghan and Chan (who have made up already and are now conspiring against him) drag him to the dancefloor where he ends up happily pressed against Jeonghan as the other boy screams the lyrics to the songs and laughs in his ear.

They are in their own bubble, arms wrapped around each other, bodies moving in sync, lips meeting skin when they feel like it. They keep it family friendly for the sake of their friends (as if Soonyoung and Seokmin aren't carelessly making out a few feet away), and Seungcheol finds he doesn't mind. He's happy to just dance with Jeonghan, to celebrate that they are here and together, that they are moving out in two weeks and that they are in love. Jisoo and Jihoon steal Jeonghan away at some point and Seungcheol isn't even jealous of how happy he looks squished in between them, and laughs instead as Seungkwan starts grinding on him, humoring him for a few seconds before returning his attention to Jeonghan, who makes grabby hands at him and really, who is Seungcheol to say no to that pout.

No one gets arrested by the end of the night, but Seungkwan and Seokmin do end up drenched when someone throws a bucket of water at them for singing loudly under their window at six am. Everyone starts going home after that, the last hugs and last nice words exchanged, and Seungcheol's phone pinging with messages as everyone gets home safe.

He falls face first on Jeonghan's bed ungracefully, all his limbs feeling like they weigh a ton, and watches as Jeonghan slowly takes off his clothes, hair messy beyond repair now. Jeonghan puts his sweaty clothes in the hamper on the corner and puts on a baggy t-shirt with a smiley face on it that he's had since they were seventeen. Jisoo and Jihoon are talking quietly in the other room and it feels oddly like home.

“You should take these off,” he says, pointing at Seungcheol's jeans as he goes to the bathroom in front of his room. Seungcheol takes them off and throws them in a random direction, his shirt following shortly afterwards. He puts on one of Jeonghan's shirts and sprawls comfortably on the bed.

When Jeonghan comes back, he is wearing his glasses and his hair looks like he's tried to tame it a little. What a pity. He silently closes the door and turns the light off, and walks over to the bed, gently lying on the space Seungcheol left for him, resting his head on Seungcheol's outstretched arm. It's way too hot to sleep with the covers on so they just lie like that.

Seungcheol brings his hand up to comb Jeonghan's hair away from his eyes. It's longer now, to the point where he can tuck it behind his ears but it won't stay there for long. Seungcheol traces a finger down Jeonghan's jaw and lets his hand fall down on the mattress again.

“You're so beautiful,” he whispers, and he's not sure why he does that. He wants to scream it out, he wants to shout from the rooftops just how beautiful Jeonghan is and how much he loves him.

Jeonghan makes a little noise, his eyes closed and his glasses crooked in a weird angle. Still breathtaking. “You're not so bad yourself.”

Seungcheol chuckles softly and takes Jeonghan's glasses away, gently folding them and placing them on the bedside table. When he settles back down Jeonghan cuddles up to him with a small, grumpy mumble, his legs tangling with Seungcheol's, and Seungcheol feels his heart grow about three times bigger. Tired Jeonghan is a cuddly Jeonghan and it makes Seungcheol feel all sort of things.

“Did you have fun today?” Jeonghan asks, voice muffled by Seungcheol's shirt. It's so late (or so early) and they should probably go to sleep, but Seungcheol humors him.

“A lot,” he says, tracing the shape of Jeonghan's waist, his hips, his arm, with a finger. “Thank you.”

Jeonghan nods. “I'm glad,” he says, and he sounds like he's about to pass out any moment now.

“Let's sleep, yeah?” Seungcheol whispers again, his hand settling on the dip of Jeonghan's waist. His other arm is going to go numb soon, but he doesn't mind it.

Jeonghan makes a little affirmative sound and Seungcheol feels the press of his lips against his clothed shoulder. “Good night, I love you.”

Seungcheol squeezes his waist lightly as he closes his eyes, smiling so big it hurts. “Good night, I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two more chaps to go gays


	14. You're just the last of the real ones

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the last proper chapter, the next is just an epilogue

“Jesus _fuck_ ,” Jeonghan swears, English and all (really, so many years living with Jisoo and this is all the English he's learnt) as he hits his bare foot on a box. He's never moving again. He hated it when he went to college and he's hating it now. He's going to make Seungcheol do all the work if they ever have to move again and not enter the new house until everything is in place. 

Although, he thinks checking behind his shoulder to make sure Seungcheol is still sleeping on the mattress in the middle of the living room floor, this flat isn't so bad. It's smaller than the one they shared with Jisoo, but also cozier, the kind of place one could make a home out of if one would want to, and Jeonghan is very set on making it one. Not that he needs any other home than Seungcheol, but a nice flat is always appreciated. 

He laughs at his own sappiness as he goes to the kitchen. He's always making fun of Seungcheol for being cheesy when he's an even bigger softie. He guesses they really are made for each other. The thought makes his chest fill with warmth as he opens the fridge to find something decent for breakfast. There's the leftovers from last night that he thinks they can reheat and eat for lunch later and some bacon from when Jisoo and Jihoon came over on Thursday to help them move the last few boxes out of what is now their apartment. Jeonghan smiles fondly remembering the evening. Jisoo and Jihoon aren't the typical lovey-dovey couple (like he and Seungcheol are), but it's obvious in the way they look at and understand each other that they are very much in love. Man, Jeonghan loves love.

He settles for the bacon after a little debating. He thinks there's some eggs on the pantry, too, so American breakfast it is; Jisoo is never really going to stop living with them.

Making the least amount of noise possible, he starts the stove and puts the bacon on the pan. He hisses when an oil splash lands on his shoulder. Maybe he should have put on a shirt to cook, but he was too lazy and it's been getting warmer by the day. He'll learn to adult some other day. 

He checks the time on the clock and guesses 9:48am is an adult enough hour to be up on a Sunday, though. Returning from going to find the eggs, Jeonghan finds Seungcheol's phone plugged in on one of the kitchen’s sockets and decides that he can use some music to make making breakfast feel less like a chore. He puts Seungcheol's _Hannie_ playlist on shuffle, smiling like an idiot as the first chords of an already familiar Winner song start playing, for no reason other than he was right and they both are saps. 

He’s flipping the bacon and humming mindlessly along to the songs on the background when Seungcheol stumbles into the kitchen and faceplants on Jeonghan's back. Jeonghan laughs to himself as Seungcheol's arms snake around his middle and Seungcheol lets his full weight rest on him.

“Good morning,” he sings brightly to the tune of the song. Seungcheol groans against his shoulder. Jeonghan might be the lazy one, but Seungcheol is a grump in the mornings.

“Why’re you up so 'rly?” Seungcheol asks. He always slurs his words when he has just woken up, an habit that Jeonghan finds most endearing. He leans his head against Seungcheol’s.

“Couldn’t sleep,” he explains. It was too hot under the covers, the sun falling directly on them and adding heat to the already hot bed. He’s spent a few minutes (more like half an hour) admiring the way sunlight played on the planes of Seungcheol's cheeks, making his lashes cast shadows on his cheeks. Jeonghan had thought that only happened in bad romance novels until he'd seen Seungcheol and his stupidly long eyelashes. It has kind of made him wish he had his camera around, but it is on the other room, so he’s had to make do with the mental picture he has taken. It eventually has gotten too hot (blame Seungcheol's dumb fluffy pyjamas that he insists on wearing even now) and he has decided to prepare breakfast. Because he's an adult and an amazing boyfriend.

Seungcheol hums to let him know he's heard him and wraps his arms tighter around him. Jeonghan sighs in contentment. He keeps making breakfast as Seungcheol uses him as a pillow. Just as he’s turning off the stove, he hears a familiar tune come from the phone’s speakers.

Seungcheol perks up at the melody and kisses Jeonghan’s neck, making him shiver. “May I have this dance?”

Jeonghan laughs but turns around in Seungcheol’s arms and holds him too. He rests his head on Seungcheol’s shoulder and lets him rock them from side to side. 

“You’re such a sap,” he mumbles against Seungcheol’s neck.

“You love it,” Seungcheol says calmly, as if this is the umpteenth time they’ve had this conversation. It is.

Jeonghan sighs again. “I do.”

Seungcheol hums and starts singing the lyrics softly. His voice is raspy from sleep and he’s terribly out of tune and Jeonghan wouldn’t have it any other way. This (slow dancing to Go Yoo Jin in the kitchen at 10am, barefoot before breakfast) is not what he’d expected home to feel like, but as Seungcheol brings his face closer to Jeonghan’s and whispers the lyrics to the bridge against his lips, Jeonghan realizes that it’s not a what, but a who that gives him this feeling of safety. Jeonghan kisses him then, softly, and knows Seungcheol feels the same. _I want to be with you a little longer_ , sings the song. _I want to be with you forever,_ thinks Jeonghan.

“I love you,” Seungcheol says when they part, the first time he’ll say it today. He hasn’t stopped, hasn’t left like Jeonghan expected him to. He’s always been here beside him, to help him overcome all his fears and for the first time ever, Jeonghan realizes.

“I believe you,” he says, voice strained. He sees hope wash over Seungcheol’s face and thinks _this isn’t the best part yet._ “I believe you and I believe you love me because of me, because I’m deserving of it and I’m sorry it took me so long to realize but I believe you now.”

Seungcheol’s face is filled with awe as he speaks and Jeonghan wonders how has he been so blind not to see the way Seungcheol always looks at him, has always looked at him. Seungcheol cups his face with his hands and presses a kiss to the corner of Jeonghan’s lips.

“I love you,” a kiss to his nose. “I love you,” a kiss to his cheek. “I love you,” a kiss to his forehead.

Jeonghan laughs as Seungcheol continues to press butterfly kisses all over his face, repeating _I love you_ over and over. He bats his hands away and pulls back, giggling. “Stop it, you sap! I get it. I love you too.”

Seungcheol looks like a kid on Christmas day. “I’m so glad you barged into my yard all those years ago,” he says, smiling like a fool. Jeonghan can’t judge him because he’s in the same predicament.

“I know, I am too.” Jeonghan takes Seungcheol’s hand, places a kiss to his palm, watches as Seungcheol’s smile gets even wider. “Let’s eat breakfast, yeah?” he says to hide his embarrassment.

“Okay,” Seungcheol replies softly, and detaches himself from Jeonghan with one last peck to his forehead to fetch them some plates. Halfway there he turns. “Oh, Jeonghan?”

Jeonghan gives him a curious look from where he’s putting the bacon on a tray. “Yeah?”

“I love you,” Seungcheol says, smiling cheekily.

Jeonghan rolls his eyes fondly at him. “I love you too, you sap.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the song hani mentions is Air by Winner, and the other one is Slow Walking Kid by Go Yoo Jin, which cheol has sung before


	15. Epilogue

It’s not strange, lately, to enter the Boo-Chwe household and to be met with a deafening shriek and a sudden attack to your knees, followed by the fond and uneffective shout of “Jiyong, leave the guests alone!” If Hansol and Seungkwan’s place was already a mess to begin with, the addition of a small tornado didn’t do much to improve it. Jiyong resembles his dad in that aspect, as Seungkwan likes to remind everyone with beaming pride. Jeonghan doesn’t care, God knows he’s never been the most orderly person either, and he adores Jiyong above all things (well, probably not Seungcheol, but that’s a given) so he’s willing to put up with a little mess if that’s what it takes to see his godson. 

Effectively, the moment they walk through the door they’re attacked by a mop of fluffy hair. “Uncle Han! Uncle Cheol!” cries a delighted Jiyong as he hugs Jeonghan’s leg. 

“Hey there, big boy, how’s my favorite kid doing?” he crouches so that Jiyong can change his grip from his leg to his neck and hoists him up against his hip. He’s getting heavier by the day, and Jeonghan has never been that strong to begin with, but he’ll take this boy into his arms for as long as he can. He meets Seungcheol’s eyes over Jiyong’s shoulder and breaks into a fond smile at the look he’s giving the two of them.

“Very good, thank you!” Jiyong says as he takes a strand of Jeonghan's hair in his hands. It’s going to be grubby later but he couldn’t care less. Jiyong loves his hair, so of course Jeonghan is going to let him play with it.

“You spoil him too much,” says Seungcheol lightly. He’s still giving them that look, the look Jeonghan knows too well, the one that says  _ I love you _ without actually saying it. He sticks his tongue out at him.

“And you spoil him too little, that’s why I’m his favorite,” he says in a childish tone. He turns to Jiyong, who has lost all interest in conversation and is playing with Jeonghan’s hair. “Who’s your favorite uncle, bub?”

Jiyoung smiles wide and hugs Jeonghan again. “Uncle Han!” Jeonghan sends Seungcheol an  _ I told you so _ look. Seungcheol rolls his eyes fondly.

Hansol appears, then, looking ready to apologise for Jiyong’s behavior, but Jeonghan stops him before he can start. “Hi, Hansol-ah, we’re here,” he says brightly as he balances Jiyong on his hip. Jiyong giggles and Jeonghan blows a raspberry against his cheek, making him laugh even harder. 

Hansol and Seungcheol look adoringly at them. Jeonghan is used to these looks by now, but they still make his heart swell a bit. He hides his face in Jiyong’s shoulder with the excuse of hugging him and watches as the other two make small talk. Or more exactly, watches Seungcheol as he speaks. No matter how many years pass, he’ll never get tired of seeing the way his face changes with his emotions (he’s always been so expressive, has always worn his heart out on his sleeve), the way he accompanies his speech with hand gestures. He’s unaware of how much Jeonghan likes that, though, because he’s never told him. He’ll find the moment. He has time.

His arms start to ache from Jiyong’s weight and he remembers that he has something very important to ask Hansol that requires Seungcheol being out of earshot. He lowers Jiyong to the ground, ignoring his protests, and tells him, “Why don’t you take Uncle Cheol to see your new fish while I talk to your daddy, yeah?” Jiyong pouts for a moment. Jeonghan pats his head. “It’s boring grown-up stuff and Uncle Cheol has been  _ dying _ to see those fish.”

Jiyong’s eyes widen at that. “For real?”

Jeonghan nods very seriously. “For real. He wouldn’t shut up about them on the way here, right, honey?” He directs the last question at Seungcheol, in a tone that says  _ take the kid and yourself away from here.  _ Seungcheol gives him a questioning look, but he doesn’t ask anything. Instead, he offers his hand for Jiyong to take.

“Right, I love fish. Will you show them to me, Shua?” he asks, using Jiyong’s nickname that he loves so much. Jiyong squeals excitedly, pulling Seungcheol to his room. Jeonghan watches their backs fondly as they go.

“Naming your kid after Jisoo is the best and worst decision you’ve ever made,” he tells Hansol as he stands up.

Hansol laughs, “He loves it, he’s even started calling himself ‘Shua Jr.’”

“Oh my God, this man is a menace, what is he doing to my child?”

Hansol looks at him in amusement. “ _ Your _ child?”

“Let me fantasize, Chwe,” Jeonghan says, a bit embarrassed. Hansol laughs again, clasping his shoulder. 

“It’s okay. What did you want to talk about?” he asks, a bit concerned. God bless Hansol’s kind soul.

Jeonghan is suddenly very self-conscious about this. “Oh, well, it’s nothing really...”

Hansol gives him that pointed look of his and Jeonghan gives in. “Okay. You know how in a few months it’s Cheol and I’s anniversary, right? The official one, anyway. Yeah, it’s a big one and I wanted to make something special for him but I’m kinda stuck.”

“How many years already?” Hansol asks kindly. He knows that Jeonghan isn’t the best at accepting his age.

“Ten. It’s our tenth anniversary.” He can’t quite believe it yet. He’d never thought he’d make it this far in a relationship, hell, he’d never thought he’d make it this far in life, but Seungcheol keeps proving him wrong again and again. 

“Damn, man,” Hansol says. “You gotta make it a big one.”

Jeonghan shrugs. “I was actually thinking of making something simple but meaningful, you know? Just the two of us, maybe a trip or something...”

Hansol nods approvingly. “He’ll like that, and he needs a break from work.”

Jeonghan sighs. “You tell me. I barely see him anymore.”

“Is everything okay?” Hansol asks tentatively. Jeonghan realizes what he just said and hurries to reassure him.

“It is, it is! He has the weekends off and doesn’t come home  _ that  _ late on weekdays, but it’s still a lot, being home all those hours without him.”

“It’s not your ideal college roommate setup, I know.” Hansol has his own crazy work hours that keep him from seeing his family as much as he’d like to, too. 

“It’s not,” Jeonghan agrees. They share a moment of comfortable silence as two adults who are thinking of their respective families. “Anyway,” Jeonghan says, breaking it. “Will you help me pick a place? You’re the one who knows him best.”

“I would say that’s you, hyung, but yes, I will,” Hansol says with a smile. Jeonghan really has the best friends in the world. “Now let’s go rescue your man from the claws of my little tyrant.”

“Your child is an angel and you should be thankful for him,” Jeonghan says in mock offense.

Hansol smiles sweetly. “I know.”

  
  


* * *

Ten years have done nothing to make this particular group of boisterous boys any less boisterous. Whenever the thirteen of them get together (it's on a very rare occasion, nowadays, but it's still treasured by every single one of them) it's like they're twenty and have no clue of where their lives are headed to again. 

It's perfect, Jeonghan thinks as he watches Mingyu hug a distracted Wonwoo who jumps at the sudden contact, sending both Minghao and Junhui in a fit of laughter at how dumb their respective boyfriends are. Or when Chan says something so funny and so  _ Chan _ that Jeonghan needs to grab Seungcheol's arm to keep himself from doubling over laughing. Or when Seungkwan makes an awful pun and Jihoon mutters: “That's it, I have to kill him now.” Or when Seungcheol is dragged away by two very excited Joshuas (Jeonghan still thinks Jisoo is a menace to his baby Jiyong, thank you very much) to play with Seokmin and Soonyoung’s dog. 

What a domestic setting they make, Seungcheol, baby and dog. Jeonghan needs a moment. He knows he's staring openly, wishing for it to be true. He's been thinking, lately, of what it would be like to have his (their!) own Jiyong at home. A baby boy or girl with Seungcheol's eyes and Seungcheol's dimples. He's ready, but he knows Seungcheol might need some convincing to do. He used to joke all the time about wanting a lot of children when they were younger, but adulthood has proved to be harder than both of them expected. Looking at him now, though, sitting on the floor with Jiyong in his lap, both of them petting the world's most excitable Labrador pup, Jeonghan can't help but think that perhaps it's time. 

As if summoned by Jeonghan's thoughts, Seungcheol turns his head and catches him staring. He has no idea what his own face looks like right now, but if he's to judge by Seungcheol's knowing smile, it's a close enough mirror to his thoughts. Seungcheol leaves Jiyong to pet the dog on his own and stands up. He walks over to Jeonghan and gives him one of his bear hugs. Jeonghan melts against him. 

“I know what you're thinking,” Seungcheol murmurs, and presses a kiss to his temple. Jeonghan takes his hand, plays with the band on his finger. The others used to give them hell for being so clingy all the time, now they just leave them in their own world.

Jeonghan rests his head on Seungcheol's shoulder as he watches Jiyong chase the pup around. “Do you, now?”

Seungcheol makes an affirmative sound and rests his cheek on Jeonghan's head. “Let's try for a dog first, yeah?”

It's not a yes, but it's not a no either. Jeonghan can work with that. “Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its over!
> 
> honestly i never thought id finish this fic so being able to publish it finally is so surrealist for me. 
> 
> i have many more wips in the making so this will definitely not be the last time you hear from me.
> 
> if you want to talk to me about this fic or any others or just svt or kpop in general im literally always on twitter @thewintersobber and i promise im a lot funnier there than i am here.
> 
> i hope you have a good day/night and as always thank you so much for reading this 💗


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